Ain’t Too Proud To Beg

I really need a hug right now. It’s just been a crappy evening.

ETA

What are the best female empowerment songs?

What are the best songs about breaking up*?

* Footnote
I haven’t been involved with anyone for a year now, not since I broke up with my son’s father. I just need closure and since I’m not going to get it, I would prefer to wallow in music. I am just feeling this way because, what would have been our seven year anniversary, is coming up and it’s bringing up a lot of raw emotions right now.

ETA
I got my tax refund today.

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And I Breathe

Just Fucking Great

So my four year old son and I are walking when I came upon these needles. I hauled my son out of there. It was right in front of a bank too. Next to a VERY busy and public road. Ugh. Fucking druggies.

What’s Left Of Me

Well I love Nick Lachey. I do!

The restricted entry photos are also on my myspace. Not like it’s naked photos lol.

Tomorrow is going to be a long day, my sister and I are going up to Wisconsin to look at the Scion xA, have me test drive it, so on and so forth. I also have to do massive amounts of laundry.

My sister came over a bit ago to get some of the nummy roasted chicken, fresh mozzarella, and mini penne pasta that I made for dinner, and I was wearing pants that actually fit, since my other ones literally fall off of me but I am too stubborn to buy new pants heh.

I am going to write a huge sappy entry soon, probably tomorrow night as I drown my sorrows in some ice cream. Because… it’s damn good nummyness.

Both Malory and Mari suggested that I do a banishing ritual, banish the crappy icky not good stuff going on and welcome in the new, renew myself, bring forth the good so to speak. I sound ditzy. Like a big puffy cottonball.

I Like Shiny Things

I now own a Scion xA (indigo ink aka blue with Ipod thingy) and Nikon D50 DSLR and I still have almost $500 left in the bank (aka insurance payment and such next month lol)! So wow. Wow. Wow a whole bunch.

ETA

If I Were You

It seems silly to be depressed after buying such large ticket items the past weekend.

I am just feeling so restricted lately in my life, here I have very reliable transportation and I still have no where to go. I am trying to hold off on buying more groceries until Friday (if possible since I did very poorly last week on my shopping), I have no urge to go to the library, it’s SO freaking cold outside that I can’t really prance around the park or forest preserve. It just feels like… well… now I can take my own self to and from work basically. People keep asking me why I don’t appear to be more excited… umm well I had to get a vehicle eventually but still, my life isn’t that much different, just a bit more expensive heh.

Yesterday Daniel and I went to Alpine Camera (they don’t have a website or I would link them) which is a local camera shop. I was in heaven! I didn’t really get a chance to look around because Daniel “felt” wet even though he used the bathroom there, but I did buy a 52mm circular polarizing filter (the most expensive filter you can buy pretty much but I use it heavily on sunny blue sky days) and a pop up flash diffuser. I hope to go back soon to stare at the selection of used lenses.

I think part of the reason why I am so depressed is because I recently found out a LOT of bad stuff about my son’s father, I shouldn’t say I’m surprised because I wasn’t really. It’s actually kind of pathetic. Nonetheless, it’s just added un-needed stress from him and his obsessive tendencies which somehow involve me. Part of me feels bad about trying to file for child support because I know he won’t get a job and will just end up in jail for not paying. The other part of me could care less because he still needs to support his son, since obviously he isn’t willing to do it emotionally, physically, or well in ANY way shape or form, he should at least be responsible for helping financially.

Ok well maybe I could look and see what’s at the library online.

Ugh I am also very hungry right now but all I have is soup so I want to hold off until lunch to eat that which is another 2 — 2 1/2 hours away ugh.

You’re getting sleepy

I can not stop yawning and I am so freaking tired. Ugh. Sucks.

I can’t even focus on the photography book I checked out from the library yesterday.

Mary brought up a very good point last night, that I’ve been eating poorly since I found my son’s father’s myspace (which included so much additional drama). So I have to start trying to re-focus onto myself again. It’s very hard since I have so much anger and hurt reguarding him. More so that he (for the majority of our son’s life) just refuses to do anything for his son. I’m not perfect by a long shot but geez even I can hold down a job and make sure my son has everything he needs (although according to him all of his toys are old and he needs all new toys). I guess I will be harping on this for awhile. I think what I can’t stand is the sneaking around, the lies, betrayal, mind games. Now mind you I am not in love with him. That died a VERY long time ago, but he still feels the need to claim how much he loves me, wants to marry me, all of that crap while fucking people he meets on MySpace (yeah that was real fun finding that out!). I am so close to letting my anger get the best of me and posting those photos (I have about 10 photographs of him in well a pink nightie…) and then I think that would make me no better than him… well no I am better than him, but posting the photographs wouldn’t prove much except for his manhood (or lack thereof). He sends his friends over here so they can gossip about what I write, and apparently a few of his friends tend to cheat as well. It must be a club or something? I am very rage-ful at the moment. Perhaps because I need carbs (eats a slice of pizza that my boss brought me).

Anyway.

I’ve been playing with my camera but I have no creativity at the moment, partly because it’s so bitterly cold outside and I tend to lean towards nature photography. If there was at least snow I wouldn’t mind so much but bitterly cold for no reason sucks. I wouldn’t mind getting some photo subject suggestions though.

I am so glad tomorrow is Friday because I need to catch up on my sleep desperately. I might just go to bed early tonight if possible.

Anyone know of a place that sells cute but affordable office type supplies? I need to get more organized at home and cuteness helps me do that. Glitter is even better hehe.

Carbs are Tasty

Well fattening cheese pizza slice did elevate my mood yes it did! Can we say healthy dinner of sweet potato fries and salad with a rotissere chicken I bought from Meijer the other day? I thought so. I need to start taking foods of what I make for dinner again, everyone seemed to enjoy them.

I think I will pick Daniel up after work and then go to the Schaumburg library (huge!) to check out some more photography books. Really I just need insperation… oh and I need to remember to check my ISO on my camera because I totally forgot I had it set to 1600 and can we say BAD PHOTOS!

I am trying to figure out what to do with my money/bills at the moment. I have $200 available towards bills at the moment (well I can always do a bit more but I need to save some for next month). I have my SR22 and phone bill coming up as well as a credit card to pay off. So phone and SR22 is $126 total… see this is why I need a new desk and office type supplies! I wish all my bills came generally at the same time.

SR22– due Feb 16^th
Phone — due March 2^nd
Credit Card — due March 9^th
Car Insurance — due March 4^th
Car Payment — due March 21^st

When is it supposed to warm up anyway? March or April?

Survivor

It’s so weird, normally I have to do all of my grocery shopping on Friday’s but today… I don’t have to! I can just go to the bank and go home! It’s so nice because then I can maybe go to Whole Foods this weekend or something and I can pre-plan a menu (yeah any suggestions for low fat/healthy meal ideas? I would umm OH I would give you a fansign and be totally 90’s!).

It’s been snowing since last night, just wee tiny flakes so it’s not really building up much. I would take a few photos but… I’m a wimp when it comes to the cold because alas I do not have mittens (bwahahah mittens is a fun word… like twine…. hahah twine).

Last night I taught my son how to do the hokey pokey song and the “I’m a little teapot” song. With movments and everything! We rock.

ETA
Ugh I feel a migraine coming on. This sucks. Too much stress in my life!

ETA Again
My sister brought me ‘cedrin. I hope it kicks in. I am feeling very very badly.