If I Fail

I’ve been, and still am, really sick. I am downright miserable. Cough drops are my bestest friends. Work has been so ultra stressful and busy. Migraines galore! So yeah, unable to come up with more than a few sentences these days.

Wow. Really. I can’t believe I can’t think of anything to say. My brain is too fuzzy. So. Um. Yay photos!

Days Go By

Reguarding members, I will be going through and removing those who haven’t been logged in for more than 40 days.

I am slowly getting better, I have a wee bit of that evil cough going on still but I have stopped my cough drop habit so that’s a step forward.

I am beyond thrilled that this upcoming Sunday, the farmers market super close to me will finally open up. I hope there are a lot of goodies.

I have a ton of emails to return still, I made somewhat of a dent into them last night.

I am a bit random today huh.

I miss talking to everyone. I need emails and all sorts of goodness! Oh, speaking of goodness, I got in the mail a lovely photo album and sparkley scarf and such from my friend Crystal! I love presents! I did some work for her (still have a bit more to do) so it’s nice getting well… presents in return lol. Tonight, my sister bought me tons of goodies from Bath and Body works and splurged on dinner for me and Daniel! So awesome and nice of her!

I am still trying to come to terms with my feelings on mainstream parenting. Part of it is resentment that they do not have to defend every aspect of their parenting where as I personally have to deal with people’s anger (yes, anger) over child-led weaning, co-sleeping, no vax, no hitting (yes, spanking IS hitting), no leashes (this is a new one that was brought up on a MB I am a member of), etc.

“I shouldn’t have to defend parenting naturally or respecting children.”

I shouldn’t have to defend parenting naturally or respecting children. I am so tired of people equating discipline with hitting, screaming, belittling, shaming, and disrespecting children. I am tired of people expecting CHILDREN to act like adults instead of realising they are only children. A four year old is acting like a four year old, not to piss you off or to manipulate you. Just as you are behaving like a 20 yr old, 30 yr old, 40 yr old. It really fustrates me how inappropriate adults are around and towards children.

Onto other things, I took Danny to the park (well many parks) yesterday and managed to get a few photos. I really really need another media card for my camera. I am more than willing to do some extra work for paypal to get another 512MB or even 1GB card before Thursday (going to the Chicago Botanical Gardens after work, plus the strawberry festival and pride parade later this month).

All Good Things

I had a migraine this afternoon so I am too exhausted for a full entry, I will leave you with some photos from the Chicago Botanical Gardens.

It’s All Been Done

Did anyone notice it’s been about two weeks since I last wrote?

Blessed summer solstice.

Work has been stressful, what’s new right. Matt visited two weeks ago. We went to the zoo, that was really fun. I am still broke even though I work over 40 hours a week. I am pretty sure I have mono for the third time.

Also, to be honest, I am so tired of dealing with fake people. To watch people I used to be close to, bitch about their so called “friends” to me (before I severed our friendships) in very harsh ways (saying not only awful things about them but their kids as well) and then turn around and act like best buds. It drives me nuts. It’s all I can do to not post the conversasions and emails (I’m an email/IM packrat). I guess it’s that more and more I feel secluded… and surrounded by… well… yeah fake people. Now, it’s true, sometimes, I get pissy with people too, most likely because of parenting styles, but I am not fake about it. I don’t talk crap one moment and suck up the next.

ETA When I said something about fake people, this is exactly what I meant, and to be honest, though I do like you Jenn, you’re doing exactly what they are doing, with the email to me this morning and your public no-comment. Ashley, you don’t even know when “certain things were said” OR what was said about you.

“I wrote this because I am so sick of keeping all of my feelings within because I worry how MY words affect people.”

Lastly (so far!), Amy, I didn’t write this to cause umm your “popularity” to drop or to have people “dislike” you. I wrote this because I am so sick of keeping all of my feelings within because I worry how MY words affect people. I would NEVER talk crap about someone and then suck up to them. It’s the fake act that gets on my last nerve.I guess I just am not good at watching people get emotionally invested and then hurt. Really though, I am not looking to “gain” anything but I have every right to say whatever the hell I want on my personal website. Now, I’m just waiting for Shannon to say her piece because I’m sure this is pissing her off as well.

Aside from containing my anger as much as possible…

My son was using his finger paints and made some faces. My sister had bought him these finger paints (washable thank gods!) awhile ago and he loves them. I would love to get him some more colors though. I also want to get him some better paper and perhaps… yes… glitter to sprinkle on before the paint dries although most likely that is more for my benefit than his. I also want to make a “Rainy Day” box for him, any suggestions?

I got a Vox account, I also have unlimited starter invites and one standard invite left, first come first serve.

I want to learn how to make jam. I also want a blender for smoothies and such. I’ve been eating small amounts of meat again (ok basically just 2 sausage mcgriddles from mcdonalds but STILL it’s meat) so I am looking forward to my sister making her chicken pesto packets which sound amazing.

Thank you Kristina for the cookbooks! I already made the taco salad and dressing recipe last night from the Vegetarian Family book, I might even make it again tonight because it was so delicious!

I don’t have much else to say,I have a ton of emails to respond to this weekend and I’m currently exhausted, so enjoy the photos.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I’ve been in a bad depression lately, not sure how to get myself out of it.

It’s been raining off an on the last few days, actually, it’s raining a bit right now.

This weekend we (my son and myself) went strawberry and cherry picking, and then I went with my sister to the Pride Parade, then took my son to the Strawberry Festival so it was a busy weekend. Also, for the 2^nd year in a row, we ended up on the news at the Parade. I don’t even know how it happens really.

I still need to do laundry.

I feel so out of touch from my spirituality lately and I don’t know how to fix it. ETA Thanks to Sam’s comment, I also realise that a large part of this is my disconnection from nature. I wake up, go to work where I sit ALL day (usually alone) in the office, then go home and usually sit at home too because it’s hard to go to the parks because they are PACKED with baseball games, soccer games, and some sport parents are crazy… really crazy. Daniel doesn’t really like to go to the forest preserve or going to visit the gardens and such (although usually, that costs some sort of money even if just for expensive parking), I can’t container garden (ity bity porch 100% covered in shade), so I can’t figure out how to work around this.

I really can’t function much anymore, everything is getting to me.

Here are some photos from the weekend.

Step Up

I am very manic at the moment which is fantastic because I’ve cleaned out the hall closet for the first time in four years, I have over 30 garbage bags filled up, working on my bedroom closets right now, already picked up and vacuumed the floor a bit. I just really want to purge.

<a href="http://onestarrynight.com">
<img src="http://onestarrynight.com/osn.png" alt="osn" />
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Personal

• Fought for a VBAC and lost
  "She proceeded to make the comment “I know the situation, and because of that I’m not feeling sympathetic” in reference to Sarah leaving the hospital AMA and not accepting a repeat c-section previously, and to the massive amounts of pain she was in."
• Vent - VBAC Scare Tactics
  "He then recanted and said, “well maybe it’s not a law, but I’ll tell you NO hospital will ALLOW you to VBAC without it”. Right ok, so first fear tactic and lie."
• I had TWO c-sections
  "It’s hard because sometimes I almost feel shame or guilt that BOTH of my c-sections were medically needed."
• Who Am I?
  "I went from a victim, a weak worthless nothing to a MOTHER. I went from being a punching bag to a protector and then lost myself yet again."

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