Archive for August, 2006

08-06

2006

Crowded

I had yet another migraine last night. I should just start buying stock in excedrin at this point.

I bought so many groceries that the middle of my fridge is bursting with farm fresh goodness. Last night I made salad with goodies all from the farm except for the cheese, dressing, and croutons lol. I seriously need to take a Saturday off soon so I can go to the city and stock up and freeze a lot of nummy goodness, I can’t wait for autumn with it’s variety of apples! I wish there were more local farms that took an interest in selling heirloom vegetables. Hell, I wish I had my own land so I could grow them myself! Tonight I am leaning towards pancakes, farm fresh eggs, and slab bacon. Such a change from when I was vegetarian huh? Actually this is the first time I’ve bought meat in a long time.

My poor babe last night, he fell and bit his lip pretty bad, he is dealing with it fine, I had him holding/chewing on a cold and wet prefold but his lip is swollen. So we took photos of him and he was in a fantastic mood so I don’t feel so guilty posting them, it was about 40 min after he fell though and today the swelling is down a ton today thankfully. Right now he is playing with the 10 balloons I blew up for him. You can’t beat cheap metallic balloons for hours of playtime! Plus it’s really fun to throw them at the window and try to take photos. I am so easily amused. I also need to ponder something for lunch because I haven’t eaten a thing yet… maybe cherries? Yeah… yellow cherries sound nummy!

I just spent the last two hours trying to get the “thing” to suck. I had to undo all of the screws I had done, meanwhile asking it to just suck one last time. I was so fustrated! Finally I got the damn thing to suck and suck it did and I was so relieved but I would love a new one with attachments!

I checked out the Oprah 20^th Anniversary Edition DVD set from the library because… it’s Oprah… and now I am all about wanting to start a gratitude journal, learning to love myself, all of it. Maybe I should add that on the sidebar, a wee gratitude area.

Oh and remember, I always update Imagine just about daily!

archived under: Thoughts

{7 comments}

08-18

2006

Save Me From Myself

I haven’t been around *crickets chirp as I state the obvious*. I haven’t had anything to say. I still don’t really. Nothing interesting has been going on. Unless you count the migraine that lasted 24 hours… I was popping excedrin like candy, that sucked.

So a recap.

I am back on Weight Watchers. I stopped in February because I was unable to do much of anything due to crap from my son’s father. I would have rejoined in March but I assumed I would have to pay the start up fee again, I was mistaken.

I really want to experiment with “new to me” cuisines. I’ve been making a lime/ginger/garlic/red pepper flake beef somen noodle dish. So freakin good. I like to call it “asian cuisine inspired”. I also want to try indian cuisine but not sure where to start since I’ve never had any indian flavors and not sure if I would like curry or not.

My son woke up randomly in the night to say loudly and proudly, “LOLLIPOPS!”. Which, considering he really doesn’t like lollipops, is a bit… odd.

I deleted people from my myspace, no real reason, I just felt like what’s the point of “friending” people I didn’t really know for the most part.

I have a lot of online work to catch up on. I’ve been coding and such but this week, with the migraine, recovering from it (I’ve never had one that lasted so long), and all sorts of crap, I’ve fallen behind. It’s making me debate if I should even work tomorrow although I could use the money, I really need to catch up on everything for people.

I have been craving autumn. Pumpkins, apples, the leaves, the air (y’all know what I’m talking about). My mother and twin sister (she has stuff on ebay!) want all of us (my twin, me, her fiance, my son) all to visit my mother for a week but I don’t see how I could pull that off at all because I do not have vacation time, paid ANYTHING, and I have no money at the end of the week for extra’s, much less enough to cover a week long trip and pay my bills. Completely sucks though. I haven’t seen my mother since my son was not even two years old and he is almost five years old now.

I had to, yet again, make the scrap vultures leave. So freaking rude.

I’ve been feeling so disconnected from everyone lately. I don’t even know why. I guess it’s one of those things that I need to work on.

Ok, well time to deal with work drama (seriously, today… drama).

archived under: Thoughts

{6 comments}

08-20

2006

Autumn Goodbye

New autumny look to OSN! I also changed Imagine to reflect the change and have started a new little project called Vibrant (the best part, if you’re already registered at OSN, you’re registered for Vibrant!) !

Yesterday, after work, was a lovely day. I took Daniel all over the place. We then bought a ton of heirloom tomatoes from Four Cat Farm. Fantastic garlic as well, can’t get enough of it! Then we hung out with my sister (who by the way has a ton of lovely items on ebay right now!) and had dinner at Applebee’s.

I have no idea what to make for dinner tonight, I will have to go through my recipes and such.

Wee tiny entry.

archived under: OSN

{3 comments}

08-26

2006

Losing My Way

Vibrant has gotten off to a good start, check it out.

I think my ex missed the memo that he shouldn’t be contacting me unless it’s telling me a child support check is in the mail (considering he says that he doesn’t “want” kids and refuses to contact his son unless I “make” him… real stellar).

I even pity myself with the amount of migraines I’ve had this week. I work tomorrow but I am all cracked out on the ‘ced.

I have three loads of laundry to do, three libraries to return books to, a whole bunch of grocery shopping, and a sick child on my hands. Super mama.

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by everything. Even random stuff as the sheer number of people that surround you on the tollway. I am overly sensitive to my surroundings apparently. I didn’t use to be. I was strong. I was independant.

“I gave myself, my control, over to a person that abused it.”

I couldn’t find my strength within, I thought I had to find myself a savior. I gave myself, my control, over to a person that abused it. I lost my family, my friends, my independence, my strength, myself. I am only now realising how damaging that is. I have to find myself. Who was I? Who did I used to be? What did I used to do? I wasn’t always this sad. This stressed. I would deal and cast aside. Now I internalize. This isn’t me. This is who I was created to be. I’m trying though. Really trying to change. To let go of the weight, emotional and physical. I punished myself for other’s failures. I abused myself to relieve other’s of their misdeeds. I tried to be a martyr. I have a fabulous network of strong, unbelievably strong woman around me now. No longer will I allow myself to be disrespected to make peace, I won’t sacrifice myself to help others find balance. A year from now I will look back at this entry and want to tell myself that this pain, this path, all leads to something amazing. The struggle is worth it.

That I’m worth it.

archived under: Thoughts

{6 comments}

08-29

2006

Grudge — Updated

I responded to all the comments, within the comments (if that makes sense!)

I woke up this morning to an irritating kitty, rain, and an email stating I was deleted from a message board, Lavish (run by Jenn) for “inactivity”. A board that I’ve been a member of for quite awhile now, I had almost 700 posts which is amazing for me. I can understand pruning a board, all for it in fact. I however don’t understand the inactivity considering I posted multiple times a week, in fact I had posted about 3 times yesterday as well. I never had any warnings, private messages, emails, or instant messages regarding my membership status. I could even understand if it was a personal website but a message board?

This seems to have started with a recent thread between two members who were fighting with each other and Jenn had made a very snippy comment in regards to this entry that I had written that included a small blurb about removing people from OSN membership.

I also believe, in part, this has to do with Jenn not approving of my personal friendships and her paranoia (which in the past few months have really gotten out of hand) that people are reading her site, joining her board to be “spies” or “leaks” of information. Apparently, because I am very good friends with people she disapproves of, this makes me a “leak” or “spy” in her eyes.

“this makes me a “leak” or “spy” in her eyes”

Sadly, I am not the first person to have this happen too, other close friends of mine have been deleted or attacked because of their off board friendships. I am not even going to elaborate on the way she’s been letting her “friends” go to the slaughter, so to speak, to preserve her status.

I am really disappointed in how this was handled. I am even slightly disgusted that because of my personal friendships, my long term clean membership to a message board community was removed because of her fears and paranoia.

Update

So with my impending migraine (yay weather!) I checked my email and apparently this entry finally got Jenn to email me about why I was removed from the message board with literally no warning, and as we learn, no valid reasoning at all. For the hell of it, and cause… well… now I’m a touch cranky… my remarks will be made in pretty purple italics, her misinformed email will be in umm… dark green I suppose.

I’m sure you know by now that I removed you from Lavish. I’ve been mulling over in my head whether or not to contact you about it, and I decided that the “right” thing to do would be to talk to you about it.

Um yeah obviously. So basically she didn’t contact me at all for the entire length of time I’ve been a member, but only now when I publicly write about it does she feel the need to irritate me

You said yourself that you wanted to move on from people who you felt were not good for you. Since saying that myself, as well as a few other moderators/long-time members noticed that although you’ve been coming back and lurking silently around Lavish, you’ve never posted anything except plugs to your own site.

Because of hmm 3 – 5 members of the board out of the many… that I did not get along with, and because I wasn’t a post whore… I was punished? I rarely on my own board make new topics unless I feel the urge (aka on the ‘ced). So from what I understand that because I posted a thread about a new design or photos every few weeks or every month, but didn’t make other new threads or participate in threads I had nothing valuable to say in but made sure to visit daily… I am “Teh Evil”. Just trying to clarify here.

Perhaps it is petty, but after you up and decided that people you’ve known well and who knew you pretty well — some for quite a while (such as myself and Chrissy) — I didn’t understand why you would want to associate with us on a message board.
Chrissy herself pointed out to me that it seemed rather fishy that you were always lurking around threads that later got leaked out. Maybe it was you, maybe it wasn’t. I don’t want to think you would do something like that, but considering the people you associate with (they always say you can judge people by their friends) and the drama they enjoy causing and continuing, I can’t help but be suspicious. And from asking various people, I’m not the only one who thinks so.
Between that, and coming around just to plug your site, I decided that you weren’t really a part of the community, so why continue to keep your account around?

What is really funny is that she didn’t know me well. Not at all. Just whatever I posted on my website. Rarely if ever did we have an actual conversation much less someone I would turn to in a time of need (emotional/physical/some sort of need). I find it funny how suddenly Chrissy is being blamed, regardless if she was the one to “point it out” that I was you know, “lurking” around “leaked” threads. Since you know… I am literally the only person on the entire board to view ANY threads. I won’t even mention how this was the exact same crap thrown at a few friends of mine who were deleted, probably with the same bullshit reasons. *claps* Yay for originality! Oh right, not to mention the fact that I am friends with super sassy friend forever (SSFF) Heather, it makes me again… “Teh Evil” (damn I thought I was still MoS!) So yet again to clarify, because I am friends with people the admin of the board didn’t like, because I wasn’t a post whore but made sure to visit the board daily, and because the admin decided I wasn’t right for the community based off that… I was removed with no warning. Good times.

I am sorry that things have come to this, Sarah. For a while I really did consider you a friend. And I know you don’t believe me, but those parenting threads that came up that month or two back had nothing to do with you. I’m assuming that is a lot of what made you remove my account from your site.

Honestly, I am a bit upset that things have come to this. Like I said, I did consider you a friend, even if we didn’t talk much. Just knowing you were around was good for me. I don’t know if you feel the same, or felt the same, but that’s how it is.

Friend… read it in the dictionary… hell no and what is bringing up the past? What the hell does PARENTING have to do with any of this? I never made comments on how she parents her children (as much as I utterly disagree and feel it’s harmful) nor have I wasted time thinking about it in general. Still harping on it I suppose.

So there’s that. I am getting a migraine (like usual), it’s pouring rain, and I have to go buy my son more underwear and probably sign up at the rec plex with my sister this evening. It’s always fun finding out that people aren’t what they seem. I guess the fact I try to be honest in everything I do, doesn’t set too much of an example for other people.

archived under: Thoughts

{8 comments}

08-31

2006

What Comes Around

Do you take any vitamins? If so, which ones (and brands) and why do you take each one specifically?

The weather has perked up, bright green grass, blue skies, and that lovely chill in the air. I hope to go out later after work and take Danny to the park, take photos, all of that fun stuff.

Reguarding the previous entry, I finally realised that I should be happy that entire situation happened. I shouldn’t have associated myself with low class people because all you get in return is low class behavior. I just really don’t deal well with rude behavior. It drives me crazy! I guess that’s what bothered me the most. The lack of consideration, rudeness, and paranoia.

I can’t believe it’s almost September. It feels like this year has gone by really fast. I can’t wait to pick apples and pumpkins, to admire the fall leaves… it’s exciting to just think about it! Actually, I just realised Labor Day is coming up, I’m sure I will work, can’t afford not to. I also can’t believe my birthday (October 17^th) is coming up. I will be 25 years old… with an almost 5 yr old child! It blows my mind sometimes. I hope I get some acknowledgement of my birthday this year, that would be nice.

It’s silly but I am so pleased I have about half a tank of gas left in my car, it means I don’t have to spend so much on gas tomorrow when I fill up! Thankfully gas prices seem to have lowered, looking online it seems that a couple are UNDER $3.00 a gallon! Amazing!

I decided I am going to stop drinking pop, even my beloved Coke Zero. Only water and a bit of milk. I am totally out of pop right now so I need to resist buying some. I need pop removal support!

Lastly, check out Vibrant, it’s all perky over there!

archived under: Thoughts

{7 comments}

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