Beautiful Splinter

First, I would like to express my disbelief that Ashley took it upon herself, after months of zero contact (we had a falling out), to apparently nominate me as “Freakiest Blogger”. Now, generally I wouldn’t have minded except it was her, who has a tendency to be malicious and my utter confusion, “Sarah is… well, she’s different.”, which makes me question the whole thing. Is this some sort of stab at my being Pagan? I don’t see what’s so “freaky” or “different” about me. Unless being a hard working single parent on a low income is something so rare, so bizarre, that she has to attack me for it? The whole situation makes me feel uncomfortable, not to mention that site is run by that pay per post company and I don’t want to be affiliated over there right now.

Onto other things…

I went to the doctor yesterday which was beyond pointless. I had to hear some poor 6 month old baby get five separate vaccinations. It broke my heart how someone could do that without even researching vaccinations. The doctor basically told me that the back pain will “eventually go away” and he couldn’t “do much about the migraines” and yet prescribed me Elavil… I don’t think I really need to feel suicidal from a drug right now! The side effects are scary! Plus it even states that it wouldn’t really be wise to take that drug if you’re bipolar… which I am. Just insane! Oh and my wisdom tooth is trying to escape out of my mouth in a super painful way. Poor Heather had me calling her ranting and raving about the doctor and my tooth heh.

At the store yesterday, my son found a toy guitar with all sorts of buttons and noises, that was originally $24… it was on sale for $9… HELL YES! So once we got home, he came to me and said, “So I was thinking…. you can join my band…. maybe the drums…. yeah I’ll put you on drums… *runs off to find a broken drum* here you go!” Then proceeded to rock out. I only wish I had a digital video camera to show how he really and truly rocks hard core with a guitar.

Oh this is funny, over at dnscoop apparently OSN is worth $14,544. If only!

Since I will be doing my grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow, I would appreciate some tasty recipes, anything and everything!

Anyway, photos!

Here’s a photo of the back of my car.

A photo of my Spring box.

Here are some photos of my crystals/stones and such. Ohhh shiny!

Figure it all out

I am sitting here, having an epiphany of sorts… I need to get out of my current work situation and living situation with my 5 year old son and… I have zero money to do so. I’ve been saying this for years actually, trying to find work that would enable me to actually save money instead of providing for my son, father, and twin sister. I’ve applied at so many jobs, I’ve had two interviews total last year and well, obviously, I didn’t get the work. Part of the problem is I could get a job in retail tomorrow if I wanted, only with an at least 40% pay cut. The jobs I apply for, generally office work, they seem to want older women. Not some 25 year old single mother.

How can I move out of state when my bills (mostly vehicle) total over $500 a month (not including actual living expenses such as gas, groceries, etc) and this AFTER hunting down, finding more affordable vehicle insurance, cutting down my phone bill, and such. If I had any sort of decent credit I would actually think about trying for a personal bank loan, pay off my car with it, and just MOVE… but that’s fantasy.

I’ve given up so much personal power to my job where I am sexually harassed on an almost daily basis (I went to my bosses once about it when an ex-employee was being sexually explicit in front of me and they didn’t do anything about it, plus if it came down to it they would get rid of me before the employee’s who are selling the jobs). I feel violated in every single aspect of my life.

I feel like I can’t provide properly for my son in any sense because of the way I come home from work ( feeling violated) and dealing with our living situation.

I don’t know what to do. Why does everything have to cost money? How does a person with no money, move out of state, get a safe place to live and raise a child on her own?

I am sinking mentally into this black hole and I don’t know what else I can do.  Applying for work, trying to schedule interviews, it doesn’t work. I try to stay positive but it’s been almost 3 years of this work situation and 5 years of the living situation. I am horrified that my son will be starting school this upcoming autumn and he is in the worst possible living situation conductive to learning.

I feel like a complete failure.

I broke it down, and to be able to move out on what I make now at this current job (and hoping once I move I would be able to FINALLY get approved for public aid) I would need an extra, at least, $300 a month which breaks down to $75 a week. I would obviously want to find a full time job that pays me all of that in general, or at least something after work I could do from home using my web/computer skills that would bring that kind of income.

I was also denied from three wait make that FIVE places to refinance my car. My car currently at the price of $12,588.11 that I need to pay off.

I am overwhelmed and frustrated.

Should I

I think I am going to re-open Pagan@OSN….

ETA

Ok, pagan.onestarrynight.com. I am slowly re-adding the BOS, added a question and answer area, any suggestions would be great.

ETA
Here’s some recent photos!

From the in-progress “Scrapbook of Shadows”.

Sparkles

Mostly a photo entry, it’s been a beyond amazing stressful week that has mostly sucked…

Anyway.

I was shooting some photos of a tiny creek at a nature preserve because I thought the super green algae was cool, when I went to process the photos I came across this one, this is unprocessed with the exception of the border and resizing. I’ve included a link to download the RAW file which is in NEF (nikon’s raw format).

Interesting isn’t it? I can explain sparkles by saying well it was sunny out… but PURPLE SPARKLES? Interesting! So if you want, download the RAW file!

Here’s the other photos I shot today.

Dark Sky

New design yeppers. I’ve had the migraine from hell this weekend but yesterday I took my son to the Morton Arboretum yesterday and we had a ton of fun and then had IHOP for dinner with my sister.

OSN wise, I am now re-hosting Malory and Odis! So go over and say hi!

Here’s some photographs from yesterday.