Excited

First off, Jess and I finally were able to expand our flickr group, so go check out ONELOTUS.NU!!! We are so excited, we never imagined our little flickr group would have more than well… us, and here we are, over 150 members strong! Anyone who is interested in photography from 13 yrs old to 103 years old, just took their first photograph yesterday or is a pro, we completely welcome you and hope you join!

Also, because of the cuteness, here’s a photo of my son!

I get told he looks a bit like me.

What do you think?

Remember, ONELOTUS!!!

Toothless

I really couldn’t have predicted when I woke up this morning, that by the end of the day, I would be missing a tooth.

The past three days I have been in agony. At first I thought it was merely a sensitive tooth, but then the pain was so intense, even when I was practically gargling with Orajel max strength liquid, I got no relief. I slept maybe 4 hours in the past two days. By 10:30a this morning, I was in tears. I called my sister and we got me into a dentist (in the same building that her dentist is in) by 11am. I left work, got to the dentist, and was seen within 10 minutes. Right away the dentist found the problem. My upper left tooth, #15 to be precise, right next to my wisdom tooth, well… part of it was… missing! How I never felt ANY pain before the past three days…. anyway, he gave me two options, have a root canal or have the tooth pulled. I chose to have the tooth pulled, I didn’t see any point in keeping it especially since it’s not a tooth you can see if I smile or laugh anyway.

So next door we go, within 10 minutes I’m in a chair getting Novocaine shots. My sister and I chat for 15 minutes… but the Novocaine was only 75% working so they gave me another round… they were just about to hook me up to the IV to knock me out when thankfully the second round of Novocaine shots kicked in. He then proceeded to try and get the tooth out, apparently, my tooth was stubborn, but eventually he got it out in one piece. I asked to keep it of course! After that my sister and I went to the store to fill my 3 prescriptions, even without my having health insurance, total it was $14.00 for an antibiotic, vicodin, and motrin. I then went back to work and had an interesting yet painful time in answering the phone.

Cost wise, it was just about $400 and my sister paid it all. I am so grateful otherwise who knows how long I would have suffered.

By all means share with me your dentist stories and any hints and tips on how to deal with my freshly removed tooth!

Oh right…. new design too lol.

Changes

Well… today I put my two weeks in at my current workplace. I’ve been there almost 3 years (it’s a small family owned company) and recently got a hired for the Geek Squad in Best Buy. I am beyond terrified. It’s harder the older I get, to do these dramatic life changes. So in a way, to honor this, I shot a few self portraits to try and remind myself that I am stronger than I let myself believe.

Green

I’m a bit tired lately so I will just post a couple photographs from yesterday. I would love your feedback!

Blush

Here are some photographs of some local roses… I would love any comments/feedback!

Happily Never After

Is there ever a point where you stop and actually enjoy the positives in your life? I seem to be future focused, all about the “what if’s” or “if only…” instead of being in the present. I don’t know how to let go of waiting for disaster. I feel like people look at me and expect one thing or another that I can’t provide for them. I was talking with Kat this past week about how I completely shut down when there is even a small chance that I will be emotionally vulnerable. Sure, having a not so good relationship past contributed to that, being a single stressed out mother contributed as well… I just don’t know how to stop being so fearful. As she says, fear and love can’t live in the same house.

How do you surrender yourself to the good stuff and not dwell on the crappy stuff? How do you remain perky when it feels like everything around you is negative? Ah maybe I should do some podcast entries again, then I can say all this stuff at the speed of light while sounding like a cracked out chipmunk.

Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You

Just to get it out of the way… for some very strange reason, Chrissy and Jenn have commented on some recent entries of mine. Why is this so odd? Well after this incident I cut all ties to them and yet they still are coming around being fake and well… irritating the hell out of me, and no one likes a cranky Sarah! I suppose it bothers me because, especially with Chrissy’s comment, specifically on this entry, she had NO fucking clue what the hell she was talking about. Anyone that knows me knows I am not all that much of a negative person, I am perky for the most part… sure I have my moments. Being a single poor mother who has a stressful living situation that is going through a very large transition of switching work forces is going to have some reflective moments. I suppose my endless talk of good things, glitter, shiny, photography, my son, my friends, my life is really a metaphor for my crushing depression? Uh. Ok.

Oh to you know, to share a bit of my apparent crushing depression that leaves me shaking and sobbing in a corner while blogging about glitter, my son’s “father” and I use that term only in the biological sense, called to speak to his 5 year old on Father’s Day, stayed on the phone a brief 2 minutes to hear his son say in the most joyful of voices “Hi Daddy! Happy Father’s Day!” to hang up when his son asked, “What’s your favorite color?”. Yeah. Hung up on his 5 yr old son and turned off his cell phone (only means of contact). Wow. Classy. People wonder why I don’t post the photos of him in a pink nightie with bits showing when crap like this happens… partly because I want to keep the nudity on the site to a minimum. ;)

Anyway onto other things, it’s so strange, this being my last week at my current job. The sheer volume of calls/applications/faxes regarding my position shocked me. They have no clue what they are in for! It will be odd too because I will still be driving by every day on my way to the new job… it will take me a bit to get used to. Although it’s interesting meeting all these people, some are very outgoing which is fantastic other’s don’t fully fill out the application, argue with me over directions on how to get here, argue with me over questions on the application, or don’t speak at all with no direct eye contact! I shouldn’t concern myself so much about the new person, whomever they may me, I just get all possessive!

Here are some recent photos of my son at the park (we rarely go to this park and yet it seems like so many of the park photos I end up posting are from this park… with it’s vibrant electrical lines!) and photos of a co-worker, Chris. Sorry ladies, he’s taken, but still… eye candy!

Now here’s Chris!

Lastly, I do have a great bunch of friends, including but not limited to by all means, Kat, Heather, Jess, my twin sister, Nikki, Crys, and everyone on my links page and more!

Finding Myself

Today was my last day at the job I’ve worked at for about 3 years now. It was a bit anti-climatic really. I don’t even know what to say about it. I suppose I haven’t really processed it yet? It feels like a chapter of my life is ending. I tried to make sure that everyone had my email address although I honestly would be surprised if anyone made the effort to stay in contact with me.

After work I took a nap then we (my son and myself) went to the library to return books and pick up books that I had on hold. I would love any book suggestions, fiction or non, even cookbooks would be awesome.

I basically only have tomorrow (Saturday) to relax because Sunday we (my sister, her fiance, and obviously myself) are going to the Chicago Pride Parade, photo opportunities galore! Afterwards we will come back here, pick up my son, and head to Long Grove for the Strawberry Festival. Then on Monday, right back to work… only this time it will be at my new job.

I know I’m not making any sense so I shall leave you with… yes… more photos!

Me — After Work (and nap lol)

Kat — My Muse

Work Related — Mailman (I will miss him! He was SO friendly!)

Miscellaneous

Broken

I am typing this solely with my left hand, and using spellcheck heh. Long story short, I went to the ER Sunday morning at 4am sobbing all hysterically (thanks to my sister and her fiance who drove me and my son there) something is wrong with my right wrist/hand. I have such intense pain a vicodin and muscle relaxer had no effect. I currently have a partial cast on and an appointment for a specialist on Wednesday. I hurt so bad, all I do is cry. The worst part? I have no clue what happened, I woke up with it like this.

On the plus side, work was awesome, no one had a problem being my “hand”.

So basically, I can’t really be on my comp aside from some browsing so responses to emails/comments/etc will be very delayed.

I so need a gentle hug right about now.

Broken… Still

I saw the specialist today, long story short, I have a new purple plastic custom splint that allows more use of my fingers so obviously, I am somewhat able to type even though it hurts a bit. The pain hasn’t really stopped although I am better at dealing with it. The doctor kept using the words “rare” and “unusual” about my case, fun. He doesn’t know exactly what is going on but that it should probably go away by itself in a few weeks. Great.

Anyway, since it hurts to type for the most part, here are photos I shot at the Pride Parade and a couple from the Strawberry Festival. I cried when I got home because it hurt so much to take photos but I couldn’t NOT take any photos. I am making sense aren’t I. Anyway, here you go!

<a href="http://onestarrynight.com">
<img src="http://onestarrynight.com/osn.png" alt="osn" />
</a>

Personal

• Fought for a VBAC and lost
  "She proceeded to make the comment “I know the situation, and because of that I’m not feeling sympathetic” in reference to Sarah leaving the hospital AMA and not accepting a repeat c-section previously, and to the massive amounts of pain she was in."
• Vent - VBAC Scare Tactics
  "He then recanted and said, “well maybe it’s not a law, but I’ll tell you NO hospital will ALLOW you to VBAC without it”. Right ok, so first fear tactic and lie."
• I had TWO c-sections
  "It’s hard because sometimes I almost feel shame or guilt that BOTH of my c-sections were medically needed."
• Who Am I?
  "I went from a victim, a weak worthless nothing to a MOTHER. I went from being a punching bag to a protector and then lost myself yet again."

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