Garden Progress

I am so excited that our plants seem to still be not only alive, but starting to produce as well!

{Strawberries}

{Tomato}

{Sweet Peas}

{Cilantro}

I’ve already been able to harvest and use some of the basil and thyme which was fantastic! It’s to the point now where I wish we built a bigger bed or a second bed and stuffed that full of delicious goodness.

Yard wise, Keith has been working on the weed situation and slowly they seem to be dying off. I really wish we had the money to buy some trees or bushes. I specifically want lilac and magnolia. It drives me crazy because it seems like almost every house around here has two or more lilac bushes!

Last year we weren’t able to do anything to the yard or gardening wise because I was pregnant and on bed rest at the time so this year it feels like a HUGE undertaking to work on everything and get it back in order. Sometimes I wish we were able to be on that HGTV show Curb Appeal. Oh yes. I am ALL about the HGTV lately.

Plus I would love for someone else to fix our yard and paint the house for free in less than a week lol.

Yesterday Keith and our oldest, Daniel, worked on the yard a bit.

I also found these HUGE mushrooms growing out of a tree!

And lastly, for fun I planted some basil seeds in this old pesto jar and they’ve actually sprouted!

If you have a garden, how is it going so far?

Who Am I?

Late at night is the worst for me mentally.

I have a tendency to rehash the past in my mind (as in the past few decades!) and I want to talk about it all, NEED to talk about it all on some level.

I just don’t know where to start. I just hope some of this makes sense!

How honest I should be. How much I should expose of myself, of my life, of how I became the person I am today.

I suppose the common thread of my life is abuse. Physical, emotional, verbal, mental, to a degree even sexual.

I spent my first 19 years of life feeling as if I was put on this earth to make my parents suffer. That I was worthless and evil. Not to mention being a little girl with bruises up and down my legs, or being told I was a bitch. Of course now at the “ripe” age of 28 yrs old I can see that being TOLD almost daily that I was a burden, that I was evil, how my mother would tell me she wished often she had an abortion with me, would completely destroy any trust I had for other people and any trust I had for myself.

I HATED myself.

I would put myself in dangerous situations, hoping to some degree that someone would WANT to get me on the “right track”. I got involved in highly abusive relationships.

I would identify myself as stupid, pathetic, worthless, trash, and disgusting.

I then got pregnant at 19yrs old after living with (and being engaged to) Matt for 2 1/2 yrs. We had a BAD relationship. He was very abusive verbally, emotionally, and physically. However I KNEW I was bound and determined to be a good mother to my baby.

I took on the role of “momma” HARDCORE. I was no longer weak or pathetic. I was this little boy’s MOTHER.

I am going to skip over the gritty details of my relationship with Daniel’s biological father, of the abuse there (to both me and to Dan), skip over my nervous breakdown and alcoholism while Daniel LIVED with his bio-father for 5 months, and talk about the here and now.

I went from a victim, a weak worthless nothing to a MOTHER. I went from being a punching bag to a protector and then lost myself yet again.

I met Keith who not only took my sorry drunk self into his life but my oldest son as well. He made Daniel HIS SON. Not “step” not “Sarah’s kid” but HIS SON. I won’t get into how he wants to do serious damage to Daniel’s bio-father for what he put Danny through right now anyway. How he dove headfirst into the awesome and fantastic world of attachment parenting. How he fought with me, FOR me when I was fighting to have a VBAC with Tristan (which sadly did not occur thanks to placenta abruption).

Only problem is I lost myself along all this way. During the five months that Daniel lived with the abusive bio-father, I learned I didn’t know who I was anymore. Was I this awful bitch that my twin sister says I am? Am I this worthless person that should have died while in utero like my mother wished so many times? Maybe I was existing to make everyone feel better about THEMSELVES or THEIR life because my life was in ruins.

When I fought to have a VBAC with Tristan only to have EVERY SINGLE doctor and nurse tell me to forget it, I was too stupid, too fat, that everything was WRONG with me, that my body couldn’t birth normally, only to end up with a second c-section because my placenta decided to detach early. I figured they were right. Why did I even bother to try to end up with THEIR desired result.

I gained 60lbs AFTER the birth of my baby after gaining pretty much NOTHING during the pregnancy itself.

I developed insomnia.

Only now am I slowly getting better. I get out of the house more thanks to Keith getting a membership to the Chicago Botanic Garden. I talk on twitter with people who understand how I’m feeling.

I feel more secure in myself. I don’t have to be the party girl to have people notice me or care about me. Yes I am fat but I’m working on that. I still have my doubts and fears but no longer feel alone with them. I no longer want to censor myself out of fear that someone may leave a not so nice comment or that my estranged mother will send me yet another letter expressing what a disappointing daughter I am, or that my siblings will criticize me or lie about me.

I am secure in MYSELF. In my life. In MY FAMILY (which to me consists of my boyfriend and our two sons). In my DECISIONS.

I am a mother (a hardcore passionate one at that!), a photographer, I am CREATIVE, I am scary smart sometimes, I can be overly emotional at other times, I am an awesome cook, loving, funny, and sometimes I am even a joy to be around!

I only wish it didn’t take 28yrs to figure that (to steal from L’Oreal) I AM worth it!

I’m a Parenting Inspiration, Who Knew!

It took me a long time to figure out what to say for this post. How does one brag about themselves?

From Keeshia

From Kristi

From Keith

From Liz

Reading all of that, HEARING that I’ve made a difference in someone’s perceptions of parenting or how THEY parent their own children, makes everything worth it.

I’ve never wondered if my parenting choices were not “right” or felt the need to defend them. I’ve never made excuses for breastfeeding my boys ANYWHERE or covered them or hid in a bathroom. I’ve even gone so far as to BRAG about how much sleep I get just by co-sleeping (with the exception of the teething phase every other month LOL)!

I will freely admit, knowing that when it comes to the “offline” world, I do feel a bit like an outcast. All the people I grew up with in high school feeding formula to their children, getting elective c-sections, putting down breastfeeding momma’s (gods forbid if you nurse in public, they WILL condemn you!), CIO, and more that I tend to disagree with.

Or how my own twin sister is the “typical” mainstream mom. Must sleep on schedule, vaccinate on schedule, eat on schedule, wean from formula on schedule. Which garners more support from our family because she is doing things the “normal” way.

I am far from perfect. I yell more than I would like (I’ve always been loud) and I wish I had an OUNCE of organizational skill, and I am trying daily to get out of the house more.

I suppose at the end of the day I just want everyone to know they don’t have to do what their doctor or family member is pressuring them to do. I want to BE there for everyone in some degree. That I am ALWAYS available for someone to talk to.

Garden and Yard Photos

It’s been raining on and off all week. Not wee little storms but huge loud thunderstorms.

I hope my garden appreciates it!

As you can see (unless you are reading via RSS then I highly suggest you visit the main site!) I’ve redesigned a bit. Would love your thoughts and if there is anything YOU want to see here!

Here are some photos from the other morning of bits and pieces of the garden and yard after it rained.

Playing Catch Up

As some of you know, I’ve been battling the cold from hell lately. I’m still not any better.

Well let me rephrase that, my MIND is more clear yet my body is still falling apart. Thankfully Keith has been taking care of EVERYTHING so that all I have to do is lay in bed and breastfeed Tristan whenever he’s hungry.

So I figure I will do a basic catching up post for the time being. I know I’ve missed out on over 300 blog posts from everyone so if you’ve blogged recently and really want me to take a look, share the URL please!

Around Osn

I completely redid the forum including the theme and the backend script. I switched from BBPress to SMF. If you were a previous member of the forum (previously named Nocturnal) you are moved over however due to the new script and such, you may need to reset your password. I am open to any suggestions on how to improve the forum and would appreciate new members, activity, and such!

I also posted on the forum about how to fix an issue for those using a Thesis 1.7 framework for WordPress. Granted I personally don’t use it but since a friend of mine, Liz, was having issues with her comment fields not populating from the commenter cookie, I had to fix it! So check out Fix AutoFill Comments in Thesis 1.7 for the solution!

My best friend Mary set up a Facebook Fan Page for my photography! It was SUCH a shock and an awesome surprise for me! I would have never done it for myself.

With the redesign, I brought back the 3-column footer and added an area for random blog buttons for those I already link to. If you would like your button displayed, just let me know.

Remember that I also have a section, Question & Answer, where you may ask me anything, even anonymously!

The Garden

The strawberries are starting to ripen and I have a wee tiny tomato growing so far. The basil is almost all dead so I need to get some new plants, maybe keep them indoors in the kitchen. My cilantro is crazy awesome. I cut it down almost to the base when I need it for dinner and within 2 – 4 days it’s like I never touched it!

With the basil, we think the issue may have been TOO much water as there was a part of the gutter (that Keith fixed) that was right over the basil section and with all the rain lately, I wouldn’t be surprised.

In my area, we’re having an issue with what appears to be flying soybean aphids. I don’t see them doing any damage to my garden however there is a LOT of them flying around and it’s just irritating. Makes being outdoors an unhappy experience. If anyone has any suggestions on how to tame them, lessen their numbers, or make them go away completely, I would appreciate it.

The Family

Daniel is doing fabulous lately. He and Keith go bike riding frequently together for what Danny calls “Daddy Time”. I know Keith is on the lookout for a bike rack for the car so he and Daniel can go riding at the forest preserve instead of just around the neighborhood area. Hard to figure out what will work for the vehicle (Scion xA) and what is affordable.

Tristan got his two top teeth with more on the horizon! He also is hardcore crawling now. His new love are lightsabers. Thankfully his big brother has a ton of them and doesn’t mind sharing!

Here are all the recent photos from my iPhone!

Tristan enjoying my homemade chicken and noodle soup. Yay for baby led eating!

Tristan hardcore crawling towards the lightsaber.

Keith and Daniel playing Mouse Trap while eating my homemade oatmeal raisin cookies with milk.

Tristan reaching out to his big brother for playtime!

Kisses, glorious kisses!

AH the kisses! Brothers are AWESOME!

Everything Else

I think it’s about it really. I am trying to have high hopes that I start to get better so I can be productive again. I have so many unanswered emails right now and this is the first day really that I have enough mental capacity to form a post!

Creating Your WordPress Theme — Part 1

Over the past few months I’ve gotten a lot of comments, tweets, and emails about how I create the layout/design here at OSN.

So I figure I will attempt to create a basic tutorial on how to create a 3-column design with a 3-column footer. We will be using CSS and XHTML strict coding because that is what comes easiest to me. Along the way I will mention plugins and little ideas that I tend to use frequently in my designs!

This is part one in the weekly series, where I go over the programs you may need, the color scheme I will be using, and the font I will be using.

So It Begins

Since the files have the .php extension you will need a text editor that is NOT notepad. I personally use and recommend the free EditPad Lite.

The files we will be creating for a basic theme:

• 404.php
• archive.php
• comments.php
• footer.php
• functions.php
• header.php
• index.php
• page.php
• search.php
• sidebar.php
• single.php
• style.css

I always start with the design FIRST before breaking it into code and style. I highly suggest figuring out your color scheme. Helpful sites for that would be Adobe Kuler and ColourLovers.

Here is our palette for the purpose of this tutorial:

I chose these colors because it reminds me of the sky, plants, and earth. Oh and because they are pretty. Don’t judge!

We will also be using the font Learning Curve both in solid and dashed forms. To use this font we will be utilizing the WP plugin, WP-cufon.

At the end of it all, hopefully we will all manage to create a wonderful design!

THIS is what we hope to create!

If you have any questions you would like to see addressed, let me know so I can include them in next weeks post or get an answer right away by asking on the forum or Q&A areas of OSN!

Basic Shutter Speed

Remember my tutorial on Basic Aperture? Well here we are going to go over Shutter Speed and how it can affect your photos!

Now, as I’ve said before, photography is all about light. The LONGER the shutter is open, the MORE light is let through, the SHORTER amount of time a shutter is open, the LESS light is let through.

Another way to not only control the amount of light but to control the mood, action, movement, and flow of a photo is by using your shutter speed to either slow it way down or speed it way up.

I suggest (if your camera has this option) you shoot in shutter priority (usually SP or S on the dial). You can control the shutter speed and it will automatically select the aperture.

1/4^th sec

1/13^th sec

1/30^th sec

1/100^th sec

1/500^th sec

As you can hopefully see in the progression here, going from a slower shutter speed made the water more smooth, silky, and less defined, by the end of the progression you can see how it caught a lot more of the action, the water was VERY defined and almost “frozen”.

When it comes to shutter speed, it’s defined by time. How many seconds or fractions of a second does it take to shoot that photo. For example having your shutter speed be 1 second would be considered a “slow” shutter speed, while 1/500^th of a second would be considered a “fast” shutter speed.

Here are a few random examples of photographs I’ve shot over the years.

8 seconds

1/1600 sec

1/4^th sec

1/8^th sec

By using a slower shutter speed you really should use a tripod otherwise the photo can be blurry, generally everything BELOW 1/80^th of a sec will need a stable base like a tripod or wall or table.

So to sum it up, if you want to take a photo that you want well defined and crisp, use a fast shutter speed (example: an exploding snowball against a tree). If you want a more moody or silky photo, a photo that shows movement, use a slow shutter speed (example: fireworks).