Oh No {S}he Didn’t #1

At first I couldn’t think of WHAT to write. Keith hasn’t done anything to upset me, in fact he majorly cleaned and mopped the kitchen all day yesterday! Then early this morning I made the unwise decision to check my phone for any new messages or emails.

Now most of you know I have a fragile relationship with my family. I don’t have ANY relationship with my mother, a limited one with my brother, and an on/off again one with my twin sister.

This particular post is about an interaction with my twin sister.

My sister has two babysitters. A female babysitter and a male babysitter. The male babysitter watchers her daughter on Fridays. This pertains to the story.

A month or so ago she asked if I could babysit her toddler daughter on the 23^rd of this month. I agreed. Plans changed and she no longer needed me to babysit. Ok not a problem.

This morning I get a text message “reminding” me that she had a doctors appointment on Friday. I wasn’t sure why I was being reminded so I sent back a quick “ok?” hoping she would explain why I needed this information.

She TOLD me I was on babysitter duty. Not asked. Never made solid prior plans. TOLD me.

See I have a huge issue with this. Being a SAHM does NOT equal automatic babysitter just because I’m “at home all day”.

The paraphrased convo gleaned from the actual texts:

Now see this is where I start to get a bit upset. She has not only TOLD me I will be watching her child, but insulted me, ignored what I said, didn’t say if the male babysitter cancelled or if she told him not to watch her this particular day, but then to insinuate she has babysat for me?

Granted, she had my son while I was in labor with the baby and kept him at her apartment while I was in the hospital recovering from the 2^nd c-section. She also (a few years ago) had him spend one night at her apartment. She also has invited him to go with her to her future MIL’s place for a vacation. I don’t see how ANY of that compares to the current situation.

In the conversation she proceeded to tell me that I was causing drama with her because I don’t want to watch her daughter. That I will drop out of her wedding (not sure how that came up), that I hate my family, that I was verbally slamming her, oh and this classic line:

“How do you expect me to keep forgiving you for always bailing?”

Oh. No. She. Didn’t.

I literally stopped responding after that awful passive aggressive provoking from her.

Now normally I don’t post much about my family because it just hurts for the most part but I needed to vent!

How the heck does one even RESPOND to a situation like this? Was I wrong for not being a doormat and just accepting my apparent SAHM babysitter fate? Or was she wrong in TELLING me I was babysitting without prior discussion and then putting me down?

So for those of you with not so good relationships with your sister, brother, mother, father, whomever it is, PLEASE share in the comments something that made YOU go “Oh No {S}he Didn’t!”!

HonestScrap, BeautifulBlogger, & 24 Random Facts

I must be doing something right because I’ve had three amazing blogs nominate me for the Honest Scrap and Beautiful Blogger Awards!

So a big thank you to Alexandra, Mommy D, and Michelle!

Basically each award asks me to share random facts about myself. In the case of HonestScrap, 10 facts and with Beautiful Blogger Award, 7 facts (of which I was nominated twice), so that’s 24 random bits of information. Some are serious, some are not so serious.

24 Random Facts

• 1. I was smoking a pack of cigarettes a day while my oldest son was living with his bio-father (I wasn’t handling it very well). I quit cold turkey the day I found out I was pregnant with the baby at 3 1/2wks gestation.
• 2. I had a whirlwind relationship with Keith. Met at work. Had one fateful night. Moved in about 3 weeks later. Became pregnant with the baby 2 1/2 months after that! Been almost two years and still going strong. Fate!
• 3. I have a tendency to be very cluttered however I LOVE the “idea” of being super organized. Perhaps because organized people use cute folders and containers.
• 4. I love cookbooks but rarely (if ever) use a recipe. I usually come up with my own.
• 5. I don’t know who I am most of the time. I went from being raised in a very physically/emotionally abusive household to a VERY abusive partner (Daniel’s bio-father) to being a single working mom for 6 years to being a SAHM to two boys. It’s confusing sometimes.
• 6. Even though I find no issue MAKING friends and I can be very social, I have hardly any friends locally. Part of it is the majority sort of “dumped” me when I became pregnant with DS2 and part of it (for making new friends) is that it’s hard to find mommy friends that I can get along with.
• 7. I haven’t spoken to or had any contact with my mother since December. Life is a lot more peaceful because of that.
• 8. I am VERY intelligent. No seriously. I also get told often that I am “well-spoken”. Even MORE often I am told “you are good with your words”. I’ve also had people become irate with me, “just because you use and understand big words just makes me confused”. Sweet.
• 9. I can not stand chocolate or most “sweet” or “snack” foods. For desserts I like only vanilla ice cream and apple pie.
• 10. I struggle with being nocturnal and insomnia. I have the worst time turning off my “thoughts” if you will, long enough to sleep.
• 11. I am highly judgmental when it comes to other blogs. CAPTCHA makes me scream. Partial RSS feeds make me angry and unsubscribe.
• 12. I tend to go above and beyond for people (especially online). I have to be careful that I’m not taken advantage of sometimes.
• 13. I really do not like peanut butter.
• 14. I am somehow unable to grasp the idea of a “playdate”.
• 15. I am completely self-taught when it comes to photography, CSS, XHTML, design, etc. I find it very easy and it “clicks” in my head.
• 16. I have one tattoo. It’s “Imagine” surrounded by stars on the back of my neck. I can’t remember the last time I saw it lol. I want more, just not sure of what! I also have my tongue pierced.
• 17. I tend to have an addictive personality. I have to be very careful around alcohol.
• 18. Deep down I would love to be the typical 50’s housewife. However I just barely manage to feed/entertain/keep the kids clean on a daily basis, much less anything else.
• 19. I really REALLY want an Ergo or Mei Tai. Baby is getting too big for his Moby (it will sag) and I can only do so much with the ring sling. I want to be able to do a back carry so I can be more productive when outside.
• 20. I have very strong convictions in how we parent. Breastfeeding until child self-weans, baby-led eating, no vaccinations, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, babywearing, unschooling, etc.
• 21. I love to read. I just never have the time to do so or I have problems finding a series to pick up. I wouldn’t mind book suggestions that’s for sure.
• 22. I really would love to have 1,000 RSS subscribers and 1,000 twitter followers this year. I like the idea that I am connecting with a lot of people.
• 23. If we could afford to, we would most likely pick up and travel the US or get a home in the country.
• 24. I long for perfect suburbia grass however our yard is COVERED in confederate violets.

The awards also want me to pass them on to other bloggers so I would love it if YOU also did this on your blog! I seem to be totally unable to just select a few people.

Being Supported in Natural Parenting

I have two sons. They each have different fathers.

To say that I witnessed different ends of the parenting spectrum is to put it mildly!

Daniel’s father… I do believe loved Dan as a baby and during the pregnancy, but once reality of being a parent kicked in, he made the choice to turn into an abuser and very bad parent. He has chosen not to be involved in Danny’s life since he was a toddler.

However I try and reflect on the good times (sadly, there are only a few). Just so everyone is aware, posting these photos is very difficult for me and in some ways, I feel like my heart is breaking for my son because I NEVER expected his bio-father to reject him like he has.

The awesomeness that is named… Keith
I never knew it was possible to be supported completely in how I wanted to raise my children. After only being together for two months (yes we moved quickly!) did we discover I was pregnant with Tristan. He suddenly became a father to a 7yr old boy and expecting a baby.

He stepped into the father role right away with Daniel and they are the best of friends. He calls him dad/daddy/real daddy. I sometimes joke that if I didn’t know better, I would swear Danny was biologically his because they have SUCH similar personalities! I am thankful for that though because I could not spend as much time discussing StarWars, Ben10, etc, as they do.

He had zero experience with babies and began to do his own research when I explained I was unbending on certain things such as:

• breastfeeding (and self-weaning!)
• no vaccinations
• no circumcision
• co-sleeping
• cloth diapering
• babywearing

He would ask questions and I answered to the best of my ability, he would spend hours doing his own research.

I rarely if ever, have to change diaper. Keith changes 95% of the diapers AND does all the diaper laundry. He will make me a grilled cheese at 3am when I am starving (during those growth spurts of Tristan’s, I am STARVING). He supports me in just about everything I do, everything I WANT to do (minus some debate on decorating the house lol).

I still reflect on that time occasionally, what it must have felt like for him to go from being single to having a live-in girlfriend who was pregnant with your first biological baby, and having a 7yr old boy who went through an extremely traumatic living experience for 5months with his bio-dad (who experienced night terrors for MONTHS).

I don’t even know how to express myself in words (that’s a first!) so I shall express myself in photos.

Because he is an awesome big brother…

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• A Thank You to my Husband
  Lactating Girl at The Adventures of Lactating Girl thanks her husband for keeping her grounded and giving her unwavering support in the face of discouragement from within and without.
  (@lactatinggirl)
• My Reverse Traditional Husband In the Wild
  Paige at Baby Dust Diaries gives us a lesson on how dads in the wild parent their young. Can you guess which male animal actually nurses its young?
  (@babydust)
• February Carnival of Natural Parenting
  TopHat at The Bee in Your Bonnet tells us how the patience of a partner can make a difficult breastfeeding relationship succeed.
  (@TopHat8855)
• Parenting Together
  For Alison at BluebirdMama and her husband, parenting is simply an extension of the way they live.
  (@childbearing)
• If We Had A MIllion Dollars
  Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! and her husband would both agree to be crunchier parents if they had a million dollars to ease the way.
  (@bfmom)
• February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Co-Parents
  Dionna at Code Name: Mama has written a letter to her husband, thanking him for his incredible support in every aspect of their natural parenting journey.
  (@CodeNameMama)
• Natural Parenting Fathers
  Sarah at Natural Parenting is balancing being all there for her son with being present for her husband.
  (@considereden)
• Just Wonderful: Love and Partners and Natural Parenting
  Zoey at Good Goog let her husband lead her to babywearing and cosleeping.
  (@zoeyspeak)
• All that stuff I don’t get comes so easy to him
  The Grumbles is taking this opportunity to say thank you to her husband for his mad parenting skills.
  (@thegrumbles)
• The Power of Having a Supportive Co-Parent
  Chrystal at Happy Mothering and her husband started with vaccinations and moved on from there.
  (@HappyMothering)
• February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners
  Lauren at Hobo Mama makes do with babbling incoherently about how her husband practices natural parenting in such an effortless fashion, with bonus video.
  (@Hobo_Mama)
• Love and Partners
  Mrs Green at Little Green Blog shares her husband’s moving account of her birth story, and his testament to the power of a woman.
  (@myzerowaste)
• labor support…
  Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children is thankful that her partner has provided her immeasurable labor support through each of their last three unassisted homebirths (and will again for their upcoming fourth!).
• What co-parent? On prams, routines, ideals, sickness, and finding my way alone.
  Ruth at Look Left of the Pleiades describes life without a present co-parent: making new choices and taking care of things herself.
  (@brightravenmum)

• Parenting With Support
  How many people can say that their husband talked them into cloth diapering? Darcel at The Mahogany Way can!
  (@MahoganyWayMama)
• Co-Parenting Support
  Summer at Mama2Mama Tips knows the importance of being supported in the face of criticism.
  (@mama2mamatips)
• Natural Parenting Carnival: Love and Partners
  pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start has been blessed with an incredibly involved partner. Her husband loves to take part in every aspect of parenting!
  (@pchanner)
• Daddy’s Little Girls
  Kate Wicker at Momopoly finds her husband right at home in a tangle of girls.
  (@Momopoly)
• How do I love my parenting partner? Let me count the ways.
  Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker is thankful that she and her partner co-parent fluidly and gracefully.
  (@mamamilkers)
• Interview with a Daddy
  NavelgazingBajan brings us a highly amusing peek into her husband’s perspective.
• Being Supported in Natural Parenting
  Sarah at OneStarryNight has witnessed both ends of the parenting spectrum, and is grateful she found a father who is comfortable with natural parenting.
  (@starrymom)
• Moments in time: a love letter
  Arwyn at Raising My Boychick will make you cry with the beautiful way she describes the complete relationship between father and child.
  (@RaisingBoychick)
• Natural parenting converts
  Jen at Recovering Procrastinator brought her reluctant husband around to cloth diapers, bed sharing, and time-ins as a discipline method.
  (@jenwestpfahl)
• Breastfeeding Father
  Amber Strocel at Strocel.com describes how her husband helped her overcome the breastfeeding challenges she encountered with her premature daughter.
  (@AmberStrocel)
• A Natural Parenting Village
  Acacia from Art, Body & Soul, in a guest post for Jamie at Suddenly Stay at Home, broadens the term “coparents” to embrace supportive extended family on both sides.
  (@SuddnlyStyAtHme)
• A Natural Dad
  Shana at Tales of Minor Interest doesn’t have a husband who merely supports her
  she has a husband just as dedicated to natural parenting as she is.
• Love and Support From My (sometimes pantsless) Man
  Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma describes life with the sometimes bumbling but always lovable Pantsless Man.
  (@kitchenwitch)
• G-O-T-E-A-M!
  Jessica at This Is Worthwhile made sure her future husband agreed with her parenting choices early in their dating.
  (@tisworthwhile)
• how we come to parenthood
  Michelle at womanseekingmother dances with her husband around the subject of cosleeping.
  (@seekingmother)

Wordless Wednesday #4

Your Spirituality

Do you feel that you are active in your spirituality?
Yes, as much as I can be right now
What do you consider to be the most tedious task in your path?
Just finding the time
What is your most enjoyable part of your spirituality?
The freedom, the excitement

Rituals — Meditations

1.When performing rituals/meditations, do you associate yourself with the element most closely related to your astrological sign?
No, I don’t notice that I’ve done this.

2. If not, do you associate/align yourself with your moon sign, or something that just “feels right”?
I tend to align with an element pertaining to the ritual I am doing.

3. Do you follow the typical elements of earth, water, fire, air, spirit? Or do you follow an even more non-traditional association akin to earth, water, fire, metal?

I follow the typical elements.

Path, Workplace, and Raising Children

Yay I didn’t have to do the questions this week over at WW!!

What path of Paganism do you follow? (If you take pieces from several traditions, list all of them and why you follow those as well)

I say I am Pagan with Wiccan tendencies, I appreciate the dualities and balance

Are you/would you be open about your spirituality in the workplace/school?

Hmm I wasn’t running around I’m Pagan! I didn’t hide it either. I just was my normal self. I did however have a manager make snide remarks about my tiny spiral goddess earrings “It bothers me so much you wear a naked woman on your ear”

Here is an image from ebay of the earrings.

If you were in a marriage of separate faiths, how would you raise your children?
I like saying blended faiths instead of seperate. Matt isn’t religious by any means lol but he still holds the ideals of heaven and god n what not. He has no problem with us raising our son Pagan.

Rambling

I just emailed Gina pictures of the magazines and crystals I am willing to sell. I really should go through my books again.

Matt took the wee chublet outside for a bit, my dad took chubs out earlier for a walk so Matt and I seized the time for a frisky session.

With Beltane just hours over, I am already focusing on Litha! 

Mother’s Day is in just a few days… I really want some herbs to grow, or clay, or watercolor paints. I wouldn’t mind some cards either.

I feel like an awful friend and hostess lately. I never IM or email anyone lately, or IM… I just feel like I have nothing to say. It is not personal, I just feel like my mind is muddled with stress right now.

WitchesWeekly

Element Word Association

This week is an interesting bundle of questions! Word Association on the Four Elements of Air, Fire, Earth, and Water :)
Please list as little or as many words that come to mind when you think of each specific element :)

The Element of Air makes me think of : feather, marshmallows, wind, breath, light, quartz, clouds, fresh
The Element of Water makes me think of : silky, comforting, cleansing, nurturing
The Element of Fire makes me think of : hot, passion, gila monsters, cactus, mountains
The Element of Earth makes me think of : sturdy, strong, crumbly, time, moist

Well, I am going to enjoy the garlic cheese hamburgers and salad with a basil dressing I made!

WitchesWeekly

This weeks, WW!

Crystals

What are your favorite crystals to work with and why?
Amethyst and Rose Quartz, because they are sensitive stones, stones of the heart basically.

Which crystals do you associate with the elements (ex: Air, Water, Fire, Earth)?
Air -  Lapis Lazuli
Water — Moonstone
Fire — Citrine
Earth -  Smoky quartz

How do you tend to aquire your crystals (ex: online shop, regular store, in nature) ? mostly normal shops at this point

WitchesWeekly

This weeks, Witches Weekly!

What do you take as the first sign of springs arrival?
The air… I’m at a loss of words on how to describe it. Just that freshness.

Do you plan to take on any new personal activities/duties this spring? If so what?
Many things! Finding a better job, working out more, spending more time with my son and boyfriend, learning to cook different cuisines, a lot of things lol

What’s the first word that comes to mind when you hear “Spring?”
Renewal

• WordlessWednesday: Hair Fluffs
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• Leap into Spring: Finale
• Leap into Spring: Grass/Green
• Bubbles
• May 2012 Julep Maven It Girl Box
• Life Updates
• Leap into Spring: Rain/Water

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