Questioning My Spirituality/Religion

Since the end of February of 2008, I’ve felt as if my beliefs, my faith in Paganism, has been missing. Perhaps the car accident at that time was a catalyst? I don’t know.

I just feel like something is missing. I don’t feel connected to the Goddess at ALL anymore. I’ve been Pagan for over fourteen years now so this is very odd for me. The first few months I thought maybe it was due to stress, work, being a single parent (at the time). However it’s been just about two years and it hasn’t improved. I have zero interest in Paganism.

I suppose part of me feels abandoned. My faith was shaken. I went through so much in the past two years emotionally and physically and felt no strength, no love, even when I did ritual after ritual, hoping I would feel connected again. I kept thinking if I tried to “talk” to the Goddess more, invest myself even MORE into my beliefs that perhaps my mindset, my heart, would change. That it would be as it used to be.

Yet nothing helped. Nothing changed. My life completely crumbled.

I thought, what if another religion or spiritual belief speaks to me? Yet I have so many preconceived notions that I wouldn’t know where to start.

Part of me as well is tired of being solitary. Yet when I reached out to other local Pagans I just get annoyed. Either they have NO grasp of reality or especially if they are parents, it’s hard to find someone who shares in my attachment parenting ideals.

I want to be a part of a community, have my sons be a part of a community. I want to feel strong in my faith, my spirituality, my religion.

I need help. I need guidance.

Should I

I think I am going to re-open Pagan@OSN….

ETA

Ok, pagan.onestarrynight.com. I am slowly re-adding the BOS, added a question and answer area, any suggestions would be great.

There and Back Again

Ahh the wee one has a bit of a cold, you couldn’t tell by his energy level though, he is still running around even now, perky as can be! He’s been sipping my concoction of apple juice, honey, and chamomile tea.

I’ve been on a slight mission to find good pagan shops and today I made the trek to Antioch to a lovely shop called Sacred Earth!

The store was very well laid out and I adored…. loudly heh, the wall of crystals! I spent an hour in the shop chatting it up with one of the co-owners and for the life of me I never even asked his name! I babbled on about google and spent about 30 minutes giving my life history and love of glitter. Ok so I spent 20 minutes on my love of glitter… I should have brought my camera and begged to take some photos! With you know… actual light… unlike the photos I shot of the goodies… I will have to reshoot them… eventually… anyway, the vibe in the store was just fantastic, didn’t suck my energy out like a certain store in Hoffman Estates. So many lovely crystal athames, herbs, statues, books, again… WALL OF CRYSTALS!

I left with all sorts of goodies and I can’t wait to go back again a bit more prepared in what I want to buy! Here’s a few quickie photos since I want to attempt to get Daniel to lay down… it’s almost like I have to convince him that he has a cold and needs to rest!

I would write more but the wee one needs some cuddling… and to cough all over me… so I will try to add more to this entry tomorrow!

Burning Bright

I’m still really worn out so here’s a photo entry of Daniel playing in puddles and our altar. Am I getting too boring lately? I just don’t want to bitch about my pain, migraines, stressful living situation, car accident crap all the time. Lately at night Danny has been listening to my podlet before falling asleep, his music of choice? Pagan chants my friend Crys recorded a year or two ago for the now gone pagan@osn. He especially likes “Earth Air Fire Water” and “We All Come From the Goddess”, he also listens to Queen’s “We Will Rock You” before falling asleep too lol.

Imbolc Ritual Tonight

Go read this Imbolc Ritual over at Pagan at OSN. It is tonight and requires Yahoo Messenger. It is going to be amazing! So if you want to be involved make sure to RSVP on that entry!

Pagan at OSN

You must check out Pagan at OSN because it has been completely revamped!

Pagan Scavenger Hunt

Check out the new contest for Pagan@OSN it is a lovely scavenger hunt! Check it out and participate!

Pagan Pride

I really think everyone who is Pagan should check out this entry from Pagan Voice. Please comment with your suggestions.

Blessed Litha

I hope everyone’s Litha is fantastic no matter when they celebrate! And for those on the other side, a very blessed Yule!

Tarot Reading

A new aquaintence of mine did a tarot reading for me and this is what the results were:

<style or religious beliefs.

Right now, this problem is causing you to feel confused and you fear you don?t have a firm grasp on the situation at hand. If you don?t do something soon about this situation, it will only get worse.

You are trying to open your heart and discover new ways to deal with this situation, but outside forces are not allowing you to do so. Again, this conflict is only going to continue until you take swift action. In the end, this event will only make you stronger, calmer, and mystical and create new opportunities for you. Find your inner voice, take action and remain calm.

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