Changes

Well… today I put my two weeks in at my current workplace. I’ve been there almost 3 years (it’s a small family owned company) and recently got a hired for the Geek Squad in Best Buy. I am beyond terrified. It’s harder the older I get, to do these dramatic life changes. So in a way, to honor this, I shot a few self portraits to try and remind myself that I am stronger than I let myself believe.

Green

I’m a bit tired lately so I will just post a couple photographs from yesterday. I would love your feedback!

Blush

Here are some photographs of some local roses… I would love any comments/feedback!

Almost a Dream

Not much is going on lately so here are two recent photos.

ETA

Well holy crap!!!! How awesome right!

Hey There

Ah yes, yet another mainly photo entry. I haven’t been doing much this week that would be interesting although this upcoming Saturday we will be going to the Bristol Ren Faire which should be tons of fun!

I am so overwhelmed lately. I can’t seem to get a grasp on anything lately. I’ve slacked off tremendously when it comes to personal friendships, I’ve started secluding myself and today while talking to my Jess, I started to finally figure out why. I still look for validation from other people, I always sort of felt if I was friends with a person from group 1, I couldn’t be friends with a person from group 2 simply because the two groups didn’t like each other. Making sense yet? Uhhh…. anyway…. I feel like I’m at the point where I am not going to limit my friendships due to the past (although there are some people I simply do not like and will not associate myself with them, that won’t change), and I am not going to limit myself based on other people’s preconceived notions on who I should talk to. It’s so insane that I am only NOW realizing this at 25 years of age!

Well here are the photos, I would love any feedback on them! I was so beyond excited to see not one but TWO recent photos I shot (funny enough, both of my son as well!) have been spotlighted/featured lately! The first one is “Never Alone” which is spotlighted over at Utata and the second is “Sparkler” which was featured over at Photografr! I am so beyond thrilled over this.

We had stumbled across this sandcastle, it makes me wonder who made it, how long it took to create… it’s very nice!

This just cracked me up!

My child LOVES the water!

My sister’s hair (and mine!) is naturally curly and I love how the curls sort of “captured” some of the golden late afternoon light.

Ignored

Do you ever give anything to the homeless (money, food, etc) ? I never have, partly because I don’t trust that some of them are actually homeless, partly because some can be very rude, although sometimes I feel like by not helping that I will somehow miss the chance to help someone that truly needs it. I never know what the right choice is for that situation.

If You Could Only See

Unfortunately, my personal life isn’t having the best of times. My son’s father keeps trying to make half-assed attempts to irritate me, and my living situation worsens each day. I simply do not make enough money to get a calm living environment for myself and my son right now. Especially when I just got signed up onto full health coverage and a 401K at work so that is a bit over $250 monthly of income that will be taken out of my paychecks. Logically, I need to do it, emotionally…. it hurts because I really am having a hard time staying here. There’s nothing anyone can say or do to make it better, aside from some sort of million dollar lottery winnings heh.

On the plus side of life, Daniel had his first doctors and dentist appointment and all is fabulous! He is very healthy, perfect teeth, practically 4’ tall already!

So since I really can’t deal with spewing my guts out (if you’re gonna spew…. spew into THIS!) about the crappy side of life, here are recent photos from when we went to the Ren Faire last weekend!

And lastly, this fancy man strode up to my sister, looked into her eyes, and kissed her hand. I hardly had enough time to lift my camera and take this shot! So you can see him holding my sister’s hand, looking into her eyes… right after he kissed her hand. Oh yes.

Birthday

So, today is my 26^th birthday. I know I haven’t been around in a long time. Part of it is due to balancing work/home. The majority of it is my inability to deal with the floodgate of emotions that I’ve been dealing with for the past month. I’m not really sure why, perhaps it’s due to getting older yet my living situation hasn’t changed at all. Maybe it’s the stresses of being a single mother? I don’t know really. I can’t figure myself out.

Anyway, my son lost his first two teeth recently, and already is loosing faith in the tooth fairy. This is due to my apparently crappy skill at hiding the tooth after the “tooth fairy” leaves the gift under the pillow. He found the first one that I crammed behind my monitor… I came up with this elaborate story how the tooth fairly only carries coins, doesn’t have room for teeth, etc. He merely responded, “I’m not sure I believe you.”. It was all I could do not to bust out laughing.

Hmm what else… I cut my hair to shoulder length (previously upper/mid back) and added some red highlights. That’s about it for “me” time lol.

I deleted those that haven’t logged in since August.

Well I am getting a bit lost, so here are my “birthday” self portraits and some other recent photos.

What is the cost?

I would like to hear your interpretation of this photo’s message.

Huge Photo Post

I’m still not feeling very well, so here are some recent photos.

Good Times

My son and I hung out at a friend’s house this weekend (originally we were going to my sister’s but she had called while I was driving in the evil snow storm and we didn’t end up going over) and had a really nice time. Here are some photos. I wish I had done better but I always feel awkward since I am still more so with landscape/nature photography than you know… actual people.

Danny had a lot of fun as he got to play with my friend’s niece, it was very cute.

The lovely hostess.

This really is her eye, isn’t it pretty?

My drink of the evening. (Literally, I only drank half of this over 3 hours)

Lastly, I can’t help it… it was sparkley.

Onto other things, I really appreciate the emails/comments/text messages I’ve been getting lately. I sometimes forget that there are friends out there that care about me. I am really going to make more of an effort to stay in contact, even if I have to text you every single day on my lunch break! Speaking of, if I for some reason don’t have your cell number, just email it to me and I will do likewise.

Day at the park

Took the child to the park yesterday, I think he had fun before it rained.

All Over Again

What to say? My son turned 6 years old on the 9^th and his father (and I use that term ever so loosely) ignored him again. Makes me thankful that my son picks up not only my looks, but my intelligence as well (although this might not be a good thing lol as he has memorized my WoW password!).

Anyway, a couple photos.

Pose

not exactly a window to my soul

Testing out my sigma 105mm macro… it’s going to take a bit of learning. A very quick shot of my eye. In all it’s old makeup, contact lens (clear, I have VERY bad vision), exhausted eye glory.

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Personal

• Fought for a VBAC and lost
  "She proceeded to make the comment “I know the situation, and because of that I’m not feeling sympathetic” in reference to Sarah leaving the hospital AMA and not accepting a repeat c-section previously, and to the massive amounts of pain she was in."
• Vent - VBAC Scare Tactics
  "He then recanted and said, “well maybe it’s not a law, but I’ll tell you NO hospital will ALLOW you to VBAC without it”. Right ok, so first fear tactic and lie."
• I had TWO c-sections
  "It’s hard because sometimes I almost feel shame or guilt that BOTH of my c-sections were medically needed."
• Who Am I?
  "I went from a victim, a weak worthless nothing to a MOTHER. I went from being a punching bag to a protector and then lost myself yet again."

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