As some of you know I was co-owner of a beauty blog for the past five months and very recently had a falling out with the other co-owner.

Unfortunately she ultimately decided that she didn’t want any trace of me associated with the site which included my giveaway for the Urban Decay Glinda Palette.

Because I still really want to give this amazing palette to one of YOU and I appreciate all the support I’ve gotten during this trying situation… I’m going to re-do the giveaway on OSN and even better? Give out MORE PRIZES which means MORE of you will win!

So far, the giveaway prizes include the Urban Decay Glinda Palette, a Lynderella – Connect The Dots nail polish, a LORAC Baked Eye Shadow Trio in Rock Star, the Stila Stylish In Seoul Travel Palette, and I may add more! More prizes, more winners, more love!

Ahh. Miss me?

Just dealing with some soul-sucking depression. Mainly due to having to accept some raw truths about my family and having to mourn the loss of those relationships.

On the flip side of things… I need some new personal blogs to read. PERSONAL blogs. Not these… review after review after review but it’s really a “personal mommy blog” because it says so in their tagline. So leave your recommendations in the comments.

I don’t even know where to begin. The school drama, family drama, health drama.

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA

I swear I feel like I haven’t been able to catch my breath and it’s now April!

School Drama

My husband went to the school to pick up any of our son’s belongings from his desk and locker and got into a conversation with the principal where she said the reason none of our calls got returned was because in ONE of the many messages both my husband and I left… he said “we’re going to have to homeschool if things don’t change”. She said that “legally” once the WORD homeschool is used, the school basically considers that as the child no longer being enrolled.

Um. What?

She then proceeded to say that our three year old is “behind” because the times she saw him during school meetings… he didn’t talk.

Seriously. Because my toddler has manners, he’s… delayed? Anyone that knows my kids in person, knows they are major chatterboxes. BIG TIME chatterboxes. IT IS NEVER QUIET. They talk in their sleep!

Then she said that she was “concerned” that child protective services would get involved because of Danny being homeschooled. This why I always send my husband to the school because I’d end up with a restraining order…, she got a bit testy when my husband told her how Daniel is reading and writing at home when he didn’t do it at school. I guess something about being tortured, hit, stabbed, and told all sorts of mean awful things would sorta kinda hinder the learning process at school! So yeah, totally abusive right there… making my son ACTUALLY READ without beating him or cussing him out or telling him to die… oh wait… that was the school environment!

Health Drama

I called my doctor’s office on Monday to get my blood test results (just shy of two weeks after I was seen) and the woman that answered the phone took my name then said, “oh everything is fine, see you next year!”.

Cue me sobbing the ugly cry.

Why? Because not only am I still suffering from unexplained weight gain, unable to lose weight, intensely dry skin and hair, tired all the time, forgetful, cold all the time, crazy awful periods (TMI but still, it’s freaking me out)… but to be told “oh you’re fine byeeee!” after the doctor told me to my face that she believed 100% I had hypothyroidism as I had EVERY SINGLE SYMPTOM and she was only testing to see “how bad it is”. Apparently my… level… is 22. Level of what? I have no idea. And that my iron is 12.6.

I started taking even more vitamins, now it’s the following: fish oil | probioitic | selenium | super b complex

So now we have to find an endocrinologist for further testing because it makes no sense to have the physical symptoms yet be “totally healthy”. It’s not possible to be this WEIGHT and be 100% healthy (in my opinion anyway). The first office we called had no openings until July. So if anyone has any recommendations in the Chicago Suburb area… let me know!

Family Drama

It was brought to my attention that my estranged twin sister is telling not only my family but other individuals as well that I’m spreading a rumor about her.

What’s the rumor you ask? That the reason she’s lost weight is because she does cocaine.

Yep! She goes on to tell these people (and I have physical proof of that she’s said this) that I am not only SAYING this about her but I’m saying it because I’m jealous.

Uhh… what? Not only is it not true as I actually rarely speak about her much less what she does in her private life but I would never ever accuse anyone of doing hard drugs. EVER. Especially the biological mother of my niece!

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see where I’ve ever said anything about her to ANYONE, especially about cocaine usage!

When this all came to light, I cried… because that’s what I pretty much do with any emotion I feel… and now I’m left wondering what it is about me that would make her say such awful things about me. Is it because I couldn’t afford to give her MORE money? My husband and I thought spending and giving her a bit over $500 this year alone was helpful but… apparently not so much.

Then, it gets better, my mother called me to inquire about my blood test results, I told her… and an hour later get an email sent to me, subject line “SARAH”. Turns out? She didn’t intend to email me… oh no… she messed up on the email addresses and ACCIDENTALLY emailed me an email she wrote my sister ABOUT me. Basically sharing with my sister every single thing I said about my health. I could tell this obviously wasn’t the first time they’ve discussed me via email (and I’m sure phone as well).

I emailed right back “you realize you sent this to me, not to my sister” and a day later got an email back basically stating, “my being bipolar made me do it”.

Yep. I don’t even… there has to be something about me to cause such intense hatred of me by my own family.

I just don’t understand. I doubt I ever will understand. I just wish it would stop.

Everything Else

On the non-drama side of life, it’s finally feeling like Spring! I’m able to have the windows open almost every day for a few hours and the sun is up until around 7:30pm. I love it so much!

Figure I’m just going to go back to my old school blogging ways. Which means a lot more super boring and random posts just like this one! YAY!!!

I finally sucked it up and went to my doctor to get a full work up to see what’s wrong with me. I haven’t had an actual physical in over 15 years. I normally only see a doctor if I end up in the ER for one reason or another (typically my migraines).

After talking to her about all my crazy symptoms and how I’m at the end of my rope she said I pretty much have almost every single symptom of classic hypothyroidism (which my mother also has) and that she believes my chest pain that I have had since November and my stomach pain are physical manifestations from anxiety and stress.

I then needed to have my blood drawn to confirm the thyroid diagnosis and she wants to do a full panel since I haven’t been to a doctor for a work up in so many years to make sure there are no other underlying issues.

Thus began the adventure of my crappy veins.

I explained right away that since my first episode of mono back in 1999, I was told my veins would always be bad, and they have been. It’s super difficult to draw blood from me, go figure.

My right inner elbow wouldn’t even pop up a vein so she tried my right hand and each vein would either collapse or not bleed out. Same with my left hand… and left inner elbow. So we gave up and I went back the next day to try again and after two tries in my left inner elbow again, I managed to be just juicy enough to finally offer up enough blood for the tests. My hands and arms are super tender and bruised up right now. However the woman that tried so hard to draw my blood? ADORE HER. Seriously, she reminded me so much of my best friend, Mary, that it made the process easier to deal with.

So for the other side of things, the anxiety and stress? It’s not my husband, not my kids, but how I feel about my weight (which apparently is most likely due to my shitty thyroid) and realizing that no matter how much I try, I seem to be unable to have a healthy relationship with my twin sister.

Just recently she posted on her Facebook that:

“It is surprising that those I thought would care and help the most…have actually made things more difficult, while those who didn’t have a lot of time were more than willing to bend over backwards to see me achieve this goal.

I seriously love you folks that and have helped!! And those that tried to hinder my progress, I’m sorry that you didn’t want to see me achieve my awesome potential.”

I originally was not able to see this status, was only aware of it after people started messaging me about it and then suddenly I could see it. I was already aware that she was telling people that she feels I “owe” her (not sure for what exactly?), and I brought up in my previous post that I discovered that she was not only putting me down to my face but to other people as well about my weight… but this? Felt like a slap in the face.

It kills me because just this year alone… I’ve watched her daughter at my house, financially (my husband and I) have spent around $500 on shoes for her, her daughter, clothing for her daughter, grooming care (makeup, mani, pedi, eyebrow wax), gas for her car, almost two months worth of groceries, dinner / lunches at restaurants, etc. We did this for her because I felt like maybe THIS TIME it would be different. This time she would appreciate it. (I know when I was a single mother for seven years with Daniel that I would have fallen over with gratitude if I got even a smidgen of that kind of help.)

All the while listening to her tell me directly to my face that “no one” helps her, that she helps “everyone” but no one helps her EVER, that her ex-fiance should pay more child support or offer more financial help (while putting him down to others or putting his current fiance, who watches / parents / cares for her daughter more than she does / down and takes advantage of them) or how our father should be paying her car off, rent, gas money, etc, simply because he “can afford to”. That people should, without expecting her to do any favors in return, drive an hour and a half ONE WAY to watch her daughter until almost midnight, simply because if they don’t well then… they apparently are hindering her potential and aren’t really there for her.

I’m tired of her bragging about binge drinking and smoking / getting high. I’m tired of her talking to other men while she’s supposed to be in a relationship. I’m tired of not being able to even consider her as even an emergency contact for myself or my kids. That if there was a true emergency? She’d be the last person I’d call because she wouldn’t be there for me (this I know for a fact after asking her to watch my kids when we had to go to the ER for my husband a couple of months ago and she told me she was busy with her friend “find someone else, I don’t want to make the drive”).

Am I stressed out, angry, sad, feeling stupid that I let her have this power over me AGAIN? Um. Yes. Big time.

So there’s that… same old crap really.

Any resources you could share with me about hypothyroidism and weight loss and even how to naturally help anxiety would be super appreciated.

And to make this post not so much of a downer / me venting… the absolutely most amazing song mash up in history (been listening on repeat for over a week now much to the dismay of my husband!)!!!!!

First off, a happy and blessed Ostara / Spring Equinox / First Day of Spring!

Secondly? I’m still sick.

Seriously. What a rough Winter it has been! I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to try and get to the bottom of all of my various issues. Hopefully I’ll get some answers.

Now I’m just going to ramble.

Web Stuff

I’ve already gone over it on my Goodbye to Google Reader post, but seriously, still a bit cranky that Google doesn’t see the value in keeping that service around when so many people rely on it for their feeds. I do think a lot of the reader alternatives are totally rejoicing right now though!

I still like my current design so I’ve been just changing the link / social media link hover colors. Fancy I know.

I’ve re-opened my design services. I wouldn’t mind a few testimonials to slap up on that page either.

Me

On the personal life side of things, I’ve gotten back onto the “count the calories” track again.

I’ve basically had to realize that I can’t talk to or involve my sister when it comes to my weight loss because I just get yelled at and talked down to in the form of a “lecture”. She expresses pride in “laying into” me about my weight struggles. Not to mention she apparently gossips about me to other family members and random folks and just… ugh. Because making me feel even worse about myself is a sure fire way to motivate me right.

Oddly enough making that single change that has nothing to do with food has actually seemed to aide in my weight loss a little bit. Go figure!

We bought a juicer and although I’ve made juice for my husband and kids… I just… struggle with new beverages overall. I know it’s weird. I’d really love any suggestions for juicing recipes / blogs / books though because I want to do more than just fruit juice with a carrot thrown in.

The Boys

After Daniel had been out of school for 3+ weeks in February due to the bronchitis we got, he asked me if he could be homeschooled again because he couldn’t handle another day of being bullied and tormented at school. (I’ve touched on the bullying issue on my Twitter and in some old private posts.) Of course I said yes,and then bought a few complete curriculum since I have zero idea where he is educationally, since the school said he was at one level when at home he appears to be at another level, and it’s going really well. He has some mad skill with math so he’s pretty much right at grade level there and is only a couple grades behind for reading. I’ve been having him journal his day in a notebook as well which he seems to enjoy.

What’s odd is I’ve called and left messages for the school to call me and my husband has left multiple messages, specifically for the principal to call him back and neither of us have heard anything back from anyone! This was even before Danny asked to be homeschooled so I find that just very odd.

He’s eleven now which has brought on this ever so lovely pre-teen attitude. It drives me crazy! If I have to hear “but that’s not FAIR” one more time, I’ll end up taking his computer’s power cord.

Tristan is going through an interesting phase about zombies for the past few months. I have no idea where he picked it up from. I absolutely love this age though, it’s so fun!

Oh yes. Built a new computer this weekend. My old box was built in mid-2008 so my husband and I talked it over and decided we both needed new computers (his is even older than mine). He’s going to build his new box this weekend when he FINALLY gets back from his 7 week work detail from out of state.

I also got a new larger HD monitor, speakers (with a sub-woofer), keyboard, and mouse. I gave my old box to Daniel (my husband set it up with dual monitors) so now he has a good gaming machine for WoW and Guild Wars.

My husband also surprised me with a brand new larger iPad 4 (64GB). My previous iPad 2 (16GB), Tristan dropped it three times in a row on the bathroom floor (naturally the only iPad in the house that didn’t have a case) and even though we will be replacing the cracked screen I needed a larger iPad anyway because the 16GB one kept running out of space. I sort of joke that it totally made up for the fact that we skipped my birthday, Christmas, and Valentine’s day (remember… non-stop random illnesses for the past few months!).

On to other things…

I’m finally healing from the Winter of illness. Starting from the first week of November with the weird chest / shoulder pain (nothing serious, most likely a damaged or inflamed nerve) through December with the viral illness that landed me in the ER and then food poisoning to January when I first got the cough that turned into the viral bronchitis that has lasted all through February and granted I’m still sick but I’m around 75% improved. Enough to slowly clean the house and cook again. Lots of use of the neti pot and all sorts of bath bombs and steamers from Lush as well. Progress!

However poor Daniel has it now and has had the bronchitis so far, all month. Tristan thankfully just nursed through it and only had a cough / runny nose for about a week.

Web work stuff…
I don’t think anyone noticed but I’m taking a large step back from doing any design work. I’ll most likely still accept work from people on a case by case basis so it doesn’t hurt to contact me. I just vastly prefer repairing broken blogs or doing code these days than any graphic work.

I also miss forming personal relationships rather than working relationships. It’s hard to still be enthused about a blog I’ve had for over 11 years especially when I completely suck at being a mommy blog or review blog and my life really isn’t interesting enough for a lifestyle blog. It’s even harder when you do your damnedest to avoid any and all drama and negativity online which is impossible.

ONLINE DIARY IT IS! Bring it back to Angelfire circa 1998 folks!

And on that note… hope you’re all doing well, update me on what’s going on with you in the comments!

Just a quick life update.

• My husband has been out of state since the second week of January for work. We’ve seen him only twice since then. Yes, it sucks.
• I’ve been crazy sick since December. Just different problems. Right now? Acute bronchitis. Going on three weeks right now.
• I’ve been working a ton lately, mainly to keep busy late at night. However in general I think people grossly over-estimate how much money I actually make. It’s my fault really, I do too much for free. I hate seeing anyone upset over something I can easily fix.
• Tristan’s vocabulary has exploded. I love it, he’s a chatterbox like me!
• I miss shooting photos but I’ve never been a Winter person. Not too fond of the cold. Or snow.

Really that’s it. I’m still not sleeping, aside from my normal insomnia this cough keeps me up all night or if I’m lucky and actually fall asleep, my coughing wakes me up.

Aside from all of that, let me know if there is anything you want an update on or have a question to ask me!

Did you know that today is National Blog Delurking Day? Well it is! If this is your first visit or millionth visit, don’t be shy and leave a comment below. This is your day really, a day to honor all those who tend to read and love blogs but never ever comment them (I’m guilty of this as well!).

So leave a comment, it could be a simple “Hi” or maybe tell me how your January is going so far.

Love to see some old faces and perhaps some new folks as well!

I am still very ill. Apparently whatever I have it’s viral. I really hope that I’m better by Monday, being so sick just wears on you emotionally.