Dear Natural Parenting Community
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing letters to ask our readers for help with a current parenting issue. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
Recently I stopped by my good friend’s place to hang out for a bit and naturally I brought along Tristan, my 6 month old son who (of course) is breastfed.
Overall the visit was fine but there was some moments that made me feel uncomfortable. She has an almost 19yr old son who was in the living room with us and naturally the baby (since it was past midnight) needed to nurse.
Her son never said anything negative or stared, he was busy playing on his computer! We conversed normally, he even asked if the baby was eating or sleeping.
During my 5 hour visit, the baby nursed many times and during a couple of his marathon nursing sessions, my friend gestured and whispered that I should try to hide my breast because her son was in the room.
The next day we talked on the phone and she made it a point to inform me that she “discussed the breastfeeding” with her son, that she asked him how it made him feel (apparently he said he was just not prepared for me to “whip it out and just do it”), and overall made a really BIG DEAL (in my opinion).
I was a bit surprised, granted she formula fed her kids but from what I recall nursed her son until he was 3 months old (she quit because she thought at his 3 month growth spurt that he was “starving”). Also we’ve been friends since before I got pregnant with Daniel and she is MORE than aware of my style of parenting.
I have other similar situations, for example a few weeks ago at the local grocery store, we were about to pack up and go home when my brother surprised us in the parking lot. I was in the backseat of my car, breastfeeding the baby in his carseat (mad skills yo!), when after 10 minutes of conversation my brother realized the baby was nursing and told me I should cover up with a quilt.
After telling him he was out of line, he got irate, tried to get my 8yr old son (who self-weaned at 4yrs old), to “agree” that “mom should cover that up”. My son was confused, a bit freaked out, and now has little to no interest in contact with my brother. He told me later that he didn’t even know what his uncle was trying to SAY.
In both situations, I have NO idea how MY feeding MY son had a damn thing to do with anyone but ME and MY SON.
I won’t even go into the recent facebook drama!
So Natural Parenting Community, my question is this, how do you handle your family and friends when they attack you or create a “situation” out of YOU breastfeeding YOUR child?
Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
- Replace hitting with…?
Acacia at Be Present Mama is at a loss on how to handle her three year old’s hitting. - Two Questions
Alexandra at Breastfeeding Momma would like some ideas on how to strengthen her bond with her 8-month-old daughter; she’s also looking for input on an emotional topic: vaccines. - Balancing Needs When Baby Trumps Mama
Alison at BluebirdMama wonders how her child’s need for noise and energy balances out against her need for quiet and space.
(@childbearing ) - The McDilemma
Annie at PhD in Parenting is on the arches of a McDilemma.
(@phdinparenting) - Where is the mutually agreeable solution? When parenting calls for blood draws
Arwyn at Raising My Boychick has a child who needs regular blood tests that are torment for him. How does a parent honor a child when his health is on the line?
(@RaisingBoychick) - When To Wait To Nurse
Cave Mother wonders what age toddlers can be asked to wait to nurse. - I don’t love you Mama!
CurlyMonkey wonders what to do with her daughter’s intense feelings.
(@curlymonkey_) - Help a Mama Out
Danielle at Born.in.Japan isn’t getting much sleep with her cosleeping, night nursing, cranky little guy and hopes you can help with some suggestions for shuteye.
(@borninjp) - Dear Abby: My daughter really misses her Daddy
Darcel at The Mahogany Way needs to know how to help her daddy’s girl get the connection with her father she needs
and not feel left out in the process.
(@MahoganyWayMama) - What’s Going on at School?
Deb at Science@home is in a quandary: how can she find out what really goes on at school without stepping on the teacher’s toes?
(@ScienceMum) - April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Advice
Dionna at Code Name: Mama wants to find volunteer work that includes her toddler.
(@CodeNameMama) - How do you deal?
Erin at Beatnik Momma does not want to engage in “mommy wars.” She’d like your input on how (and how much) to discuss her natural parenting choices with curious friends and family who parent differently.
(@babybeatnik) - Dear Abby
The Grumbles at Grumbles and Grunts gave her son a banana…and no solid food since. What’s the next step in baby-led weaning?
(@thegrumbles) - Excuse me, I have a poop question
Jessica at This is Worthwhile has a question for you about toddler tinkling.
(@tisworthwhile) - The Half Empty Nest Syndrome: What to do when Momma gets replaced by a cow?
Joni Rae at Kitchen Witch Momma is suffering from “half-empty nest syndrome”: what do you do when your babies start growing up?
(@kitchenwitch) - Peer Pressure
Kate at Momopoly worries what message her daughter’s new friend is sending
but how to break up such an infatuation?
(@Momopoly) - When I Fall Down
Katherine at Momioso.com needs your wisdom on how to be more gentle and at peace with herself.
(@naturalparent) - A question of sleep and sanity
KeepingMumSane needs your toddler cosleeping advice in order to, well, keep mum sane!
(@keepingmumsane)
- April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice
Lauren at Hobo Mama needs a chiropractor … or help getting her 36 lb toddler to walk up the stairs.
(@Hobo_Mama) - Driver’s Ed for Mommies
Maman A Droit is a self-confessed terrible driver and is scared to drive with her baby in the car. - Solo Parenting
Mammapie at Downside Up and Outside In needs tips for being a single working mother while her partner’s away.
(@mammapie) - Itsy Bitsy Biter
Mamapoekie at Authentic Parenting needs your advice about her daughter, otherwise known as the pitbull. - How Can I Avoid Beauty Obsession?
Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! is at a loss ever since her tomboys turned into wannabe princesses.
(@bfmom) - Seeking Stability in Chaos
Michelle at Seeking Mother is in a heart-wrenching position. She needs your input on how to make a toddler feel secure during a time of transition, the illness of a parent, and multiple (new) caregivers.
(@Seekingmother) - Mama, That’s Too, Too Boring!
Michelle at The Parent Vortex started out asking how to encourage her preschooler to get dressed
and four days later, she began to without prompting!
(@TheParentVortex) - Dear Lovey Hart, I am Desperate.
Mommy Soup from Cream of Mommy Soup has several questions for you, from how you play favorites when no one’s your favorite to how to tell off strangers curious about the ample size of your family.
(@mommysoup) - Diaper Duty Dilemma
Paige at Baby Dust Diaries has a simple request: talk to her about cloth!
(@babydust) - What Do You Need My Son
pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start wishes her calm four-month-old hadn’t turned into an inquisitive and dramatic six-month-old. How do you handle changes in baby’s personality?
(@pchanner) - Dear Natural Parenting Community
Sarah at OneStarryNight wants to know how to respond to criticism from family and friends over breastfeeding.
(@starrymom) - Natural Parenting Carnival
Help
Sarah at Consider Eden feels like either her to-do list or her parenting is suffering, because she can’t do both!
(@considereden) - To potty learn or not to potty learn — that is the question
Sheryl at Little Snowflakes wants to know whether it’s time to start potty training.
(@sheryljesin) - Seeking Patience
Starr at Earth Mama looks to the collective tribal wisdom of this community to learn how to teach patience to children. - A Dirty Girl Comes Clean
Tashmica at Mother Flippin’ is struggling. How do parents deal with their inability to keep their children protected from danger?
(@Mother_Flippin) - Uli and the Pussy Cats
Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis has a toddler who likes to put kitties in headlocks and ride them like horsies. How best to separate the little beasties? - Perceptions of Discipline
Zoey at Good Goog doesn’t use conventional discipline with her child
and doesn’t know how to respond around people who do.
(@zoeyspeak)
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Overall I could care less what other people think about me breastfeeding MY kids… it’s just the ignorance that drives me INSANE.
None of us have heard from or spoken to my brother since that incident in the parking lot. He severed what sliver of a relationship we could have had.
Oh geez, if I didn’t have twitter or all of you guys, I think I would be weeping in a corner every single day!
That really annoys me women should be able to breastfeed anywhere they want and not have people making them feel like they are doing something dirty, urgh!
{shared blog entry — Elections 2010}
Exactly! It’s crazy to me that we NEED LAWS in place to PROTECT our biological RIGHT to feed our children the way they are BORN to be fed.
[…] Dear Natural Parenting Community — Sarah at OneStarryNight wants to know how to respond to criticism from family and friends over breastfeeding. (@starrymom) […]
While I haven’t yet had to deal with it (quite unfortunate. I want babies!!!) I know I will eventually. And essentially I will have the same policy as my mother. If you don’t like it and it’s not illegal, go F yourself. If you don’t want to explain it to your child btw, I will –_–
{shared blog entry — Sunshine & Soreness}
oh my goodness!! I can’t beleive your own brother would do that! I would punch mine in the face and tell him to get out.
Ok more seriously.…if a friend called a told me they were uncomfortable I would apologize and talk about what could be done to make them more comfortable. I have found that most people just have almost zero knowledge of breastfeeding. You can tell her you will not be using a cover but if she wants warning so she can look away while you latch on or something like that. let us know how the situation plays out! I hate that you are going through that. :(
{shared blog entry — Extra Curves}
I was just… in shock that he would do that. I will NEVER understand why my family (with the exception of my twin sister) acts SHOCKED that I breastfeed anywhere without hiding/covering/etc. I freaking nursed DS1 from birth until he was four years old! Around all of that same family!
See my friend had breastfed that same 19yr old for his first 3 months of life and is always telling me how great breastfeeding is, yet to put forth that “should be hiding!” sentiment really confused me. I wasn’t taking my entire shirt off to nurse and I am large chested, there’s only so much I can cover heh.
How annoying. I can’t honestly even imagine having friends who would be uncomfortable with me breastfeeding my infant in their home. Your brother is just absolutely ludicrous. Don’t know what happened on Facebook, but I just don’t understand why people have so many problems with others’ feeding their babies!
Oh I tweeted about the facebook situation.
Basically an old HS friend posted a status (she has a baby girl, formula feeds) saying how disgusted she was that in her apt complex a woman was walking around while bfing her child. That she should have done that in her home, not in PUBLIC because her HUSBAND and CHILDREN might SEE her BREAST.
Her “supportive” friends commented like crazy how “disgusting” that woman must be, how children could be traumatized, that a breast is 100% sexual, that formula exists for a reason, etc. Just gets worse, I commented a few times and just… couldn’t take it.
So I unfriended her, deleted my comments (so that I could stop getting notifications), and ranted on twitter heh.
My brother is just… sigh. I have no words really.
I am just more sad that my friend saw me breastfeeding my baby and turned it into a “situation”.
You handled both situations beautifully. I try to have a couple of breastfeeding facts in my pocket for situations where someone might comment negatively. Gently educating people like your friend (who was at least not combative) and being firmer with people like your brother is perfect. It’s so sad that we hear stories like this so often. Thank you for writing about them and encouraging other women.
{shared blog entry — How We Came to Unschooling}
I didn’t even know how to respond to my friend on the phone, I think I got off very quickly actually.
I still continue to nurse the wee one anywhere… although generally he is old enough that he would rather LOOK at everything in the store than nurse… hence my mad carseat nursing skills lol.
WTF. What wonderful, supportive friends and family you have around you. No wonder women give up. Hugs to you mama!
I think in this sort of situation the best thing you can do is be clear that breastfeeding is natural and awesome and the BEST thing for your baby. Maybe eventually they will see that, but if not at least YOU know it.
{shared blog entry — Breakfast In!}
Oh gosh it was WAY worse when Danny was a baby. I remember nursing his then 10mo old self on our porch in Ohio and my father (who was down to help us move in with him here in Illinois), was SCREAMING for me to go inside the house, what if the police saw me, that it was indecent, etc.
I had my mother be in shock that I could nurse a baby (she first met Danny at 18mo old) who was 1. over a year old 2. had a mouth full of teeth.
I think the ONLY person in my family who didn’t expect me to hide/cover up/etc was my twin sister.
When my oldest was about 2 months old, I attended my sisters baby shower. Huge surprise as most of us didn’t even KNOW she was pregnant until after I had my son, nearly 6 months into her pregnancy. Anyways.
Camden woke up, and I took him out of his carseat, got him a new diaper, and of course got ready to feed him. EVEN using a BLANKET! My Grandmother who I seriously doubt breastfed ANY of her kids FREAKED OUT! She insisted I go in the other room repeatedly so no one would see me. I repeatedly told her we were perfectly fine where we were.
She kept trying to push me into the other room till my mother came over and in so many words told her where to go and how to get there. Something she is good at to say the least.
I was pissed off, and horrified that I had to deal with that in front of not only a bunch of strangers, but my family and friends who had no issue with it at all.
{shared blog entry — The Doula Difference}
Woah that is CRAZY about your sister! I don’t get how you can hide a pregnancy, then again I couldn’t keep food down for mine so that was a dead giveaway lol.
That is GREAT that your mother stood up for you. It’s insane how someone thinks it’s ok to ATTACK a breastfeeding mother IN PUBLIC no less, yet would NEVER do that if say they were vegan and the person was eating a rare steak. (I just know my friend Lisa Marie is going to kill me on that one heh).
Oh my, your friend and your brother (and, I suppose, many others in our culture) make me sad! And angry. :-( First off: 19 year olds NEED to see breasts being used for breastfeeding rather than just sexualizing them. That way, when they’re your brother’s age (I’m assuming he’s older) they won’t feel the need to tell women to cover up ’cause it’ll be normal/invisible/not a big deal to them. It’s all about normalization of a normal, healthy practice. And it makes me upset that any of us have to fend off comments like those you’ve received. So, I guess I don’t have much to say other than I feel for you, I hope you continue to breastfeed where you want to as you want to, know that I’m right there with you (I nurse my 18 month old daughter) and let’s hope that if enough of us are out there feeding our kiddos that people will get over being shocked at our scandalous behaviour and realize that we’re not doing anything scandalous at all. Hugs!
Oh yes my brother is 27yrs old!! No kids though (thankfully).
I so completely agree, it’s about normalization!! Oh yes, I breastfed DS1 until he was four years old, IN PUBLIC *gasp*.
I thankfully have an awesome boyfriend that fully supports me. That always helps lol.
You know, maybe it wasn’t her son who had the problem. It sounds to me that she’s the one with the problem. I think she just used her son as an easy way out. Pardon my French, but screw that. A) She’s your friend. She should be more supportive. B) She’s a mom herself. WTH? C) It’s not polite to stare at people while they’re eating anyway.
I have to agree with what Joni Rae said. No wonder women give up is right. There’s just not enough support anymore. Not even from other mothers. It’s sad.
Oh I am fairly sure her son didn’t really care TOO much one way or the other. It’s that she created a situation. Even if her son DID have an issue, she could have taken that opportunity to EDUCATE.
Oh geez, after the FB drama, it’s INSANE how other mothers REINFORCE the belief that breastfeeding is “Gross” “Disgusting” “Sexual” and so forth. This is why I used to make friends with non-parents so I never had to debate this stuff lol.
When I first mentioned breastfeeding Meghan, my mother looked disgusted. She said “I don’t know how you can do it. Its not natural.” So yeah, that’s the support I had.
LOL “it’s not natural”. So then what does she think the milk ducts in our breasts are for?
Ah I’m sorry though that you didn’t have any support!
Man, people never cease to amaze me. It doesn’t matter how long or where you breastfeed your kids, either. Someone’s going to find fault with something.
Stick to your guns and stick to the places you know are [emotionally] safe.
{shared blog entry — Excuse me, I have a poop question}
I never in a million years could have thought that people could have an issue with breastfeeding. I mean of ALL the things in the world really.
Ah just drives me nuts.
I’m no longer breastfeeding, but I breastfed Alyssa for ten months and Ryan for fourteen. My mom would occasionally ask or joke about me covering up, or would mention that I “obviously” didn’t give a damn what people saw or thought (my retort was always: “Obviously!”), but other than that I didn’t have too much to deal with. My husband knew better than to say a word if he had a negative opinion about breastfeeding in public (which to my knowledge he never has, good man!), and his family was VERY supportive of me breastfeeding.
But my general response to those kinds of reactions? I’m feeding my child the way nature intended. He is getting the best possible nutrition. I am not showing anything obscene, and I do my best to be discreet when breastfeeding, though I do not use a blanket or a cover, nor will I hide in a bathroom or bedroom or vehicle. My son is eating, and if you have a problem with that, then don’t look!
{shared blog entry — You know what is super awesome?}
Exactly. I don’t get why people don’t seem to make the connection that formula is actually INFERIOR nutrition. Granted some children NEED that option but the majority do not.
It’s been proven time and time again that breastmilk is best. Formula is NOT “second best” more like fourth best. Right after your own expressed milk and the milk from another individual.
Says a lot!
I had a similar situation with my Mom. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want to cover up in front of my brother. She would always tell me that it would make him uncomfortable. It was really frustrating.
With my first I was a lot shyer and I did cover up, mostly because this is the norm of what I would experience.
I’m currently living in South America and it is so different here. People are much more comfortable and accepting of it. I haven’t covered up once with my 2 month old.
When we get back to the States I will not be covering up. I hope that if people see it enough, it will be the norm not to cover up in the States. I just tell myself that I’m doing a civic duty by not covering up. Otherwise, some kids (like my niece and nephew) might never be exposed to breastfeeding and that’s just a shame.
{shared blog entry — Consider This When Commenting on Blogs}
It drives me INSANE when people project their own feelings about breastfeeding onto younger children and then disguise it as concern for them.
I would respect people more if they were just honest you know?
It really does seem like the US is one of the worst countries when it comes to breastfeeding doesn’t it!
Thankfully it was never a problem when I was breastfeeding my daughter but still can’t believe what an adverse reaction people have to it. I sometimes used a cover and sometimes didn’t. But that was all for MY comfort, not anybody elses.
And that guy involving your son? That’s completely out of order.
{shared blog entry — The Real Toddler}
Yeah my brother really destroyed ANY chance at a relationship with me and my boys after that day.
I’m very lucky that breastfeeding is the norm for my immediate family. My mum breastfed all of us except my sister (who refused the breast — my mum thinks a midwife gave her formula) so we grew up knowing that breastmilk is superior. Because of that I’ve had nothing but support.
I’m not sure how they’ll feel if and when we get into full term breastfeeding territory, but if they don’t like it, it’ll be their problem & not mine.
That is so great that you were raised in a pro-breastfeeding household!
I feel so bad for your mother though that your sisters chance at breastfeeding was destroyed due to someone giving her formula. That is awful!
I also love that you say FULL TERM breastfeeding, more and more I don’t like the term “extended” because the MINIMUM is two years!
Good for you!
That 19 yo obviously felt happy to be treated as an ADULT by you– you assumed he’d be cool, and he WAS. What a shame that his mother had to butt in.
In my opinion, people accept your breastfeeding, or they get out of your life. It’s their choice. In the meantime, email them some good websites so they can get educated!
So how close is the closest La Leche League to you?
I breastfeed in front of all men. I don’t care. I consider this as a form of respect– that I expect them to be adult and cool enough to handle it. I will admit that one time, I was sitting really close to a young guy– we were in a 4 seater on the train– facing each other– and the latch-on did not go quite as smoothly as expected. I completely flashed him– but he didn’t care. Then again it was also St. Patrick’s day and this train was going into NYC!
It’s actually the young guys, I think, who are the most cool with it, because their minds have not been poisoned, bc breastfeeding ISN’T a part of their life, and they have not heard a bunch of trash talk and prejudice about it, so the exposure they get from us is how we educate them. Sorry for the pun in that last sentence.
{shared blog entry — My Little Bully; Or, Baby’s Social Life at Daycare}
Thank you!! I know LLL has a headquarters in Schaumburg which is 20 or so minutes from me. I believe there are a couple of local meetings as well. I just wouldn’t know how to START going. I hate feeling like the newbie at stuff heh.
I LOVE your line of thinking. That it’s a sign of respect for everyone involved to not “assume” it’s going to be a “situation”!
I would tell them all to mind their own damn business! If you don’t want to see me breastfeeding my child, please feel free to look away. No one is making them look.
They are the ones with the problem, not you. Shame on your brother for trying to tell your son what to do! I hate when other adults try to talk to me through my kids.
I would tell people that if they can’t be respectful, then the topic is not up for discussion.
{shared blog entry — Wordless Wednesday: Riding Around}
OH I completely agree, my brother DESTROYED any chance of a relationship when he tried to use my son against me, my son who bf’d for FOUR YEARS! Just ugh. I still get upset thinking about the issue!
Hang on there mama, you’re doing a good job! I nursed my first child for 4 years and never cared what people thought and said. I am still breastfeeding my 15 mos son and am even more confident now. When he nurses (in a baby wrap), nobody can tell he’s nursing. I nurse in public and kids seem more ok with that than adults. At the end, don’t get influenced by people who try to make you uncomfortable. Boobies are for babies!
{shared blog entry — Earth Day Giveaway}
Oh no worries about me getting influenced! I nursed my first son until he self weaned at 4yrs old (he is 8yrs old now). I just get upset at the ignorance for the most part. The older I get the less tolerant I am of peoples snide or rude remarks.
Oh– this makes me sad. She had an opportunity to talk to her son about breasts as NOT always sexual objects and went the other direction. That was an awesome chance for her to share with her son what a natural thing it is, but obviously she doesn’t feel that way. It sounds more like she was uncomfortable with it than he was.
I always go out of my way to breastfeed discreetly because I am self conscious. But it is NOT because I think I need to hide it and anyone ballsy enough to come up and call me out on it is in for an ear full because they’d have to get awfully close up in my personal space to see anything.
This is a big issue I have with raising our son– I hope when he is that kid’s age he’ll know better. breastfeeding is not dirty or sexy or shameful.
(and I’m another one of those commenters whose Mom seems totally creeped out by my breastfeeding, go figure)
{shared blog entry — the grumbles primer on pumping at work (part three, the final chapter)}
Exactly, even if she IS uncomfortable, to not take this as a teaching opportunity… you’re right, it’s sad!
Oh my god, people are so rude :-(
I haven’t had to deal with much resistance to my bf’ing in public, though these days I tend to go into a quiet room because Alexa is too distracted by, well anything, to nurse around other people. I used to NIP all the time though, was much easier than formula…for sure! BTW, totally jealous of your ability to bf while your son is in his car seat. I really want to know how you do that!!
{shared blog entry — Manic Monday}
It’s funny in some ways that I’ve not had a stranger say anything to me about NIP yet my family/friends feel “free” to ATTACK me for it.
I seriously still feel that only my twin sister, out of my family and such, is the ONLY person that has NO problem with how/where/how long/etc I breastfeed my kids.
LOL I need to do a post on how to breastfeed baby while baby is in a carseat WHILE buckled in yourself. LOL!!
It seems to me that sometimes friendships end because of how we parent… it’s sad, but true. I simply cannot connect anymore with parents who let their kids CIO, or who don’t AP… I respect that they’re doing the best they can, but I don’t want them in my inner circle, you know? I would feel sooo mad if I were you — that my friend, and my brother, were not supportive of my choices. I would not want to be around them, frankly. The only person in my life that didn’t support my choices was my father — and I chose to not expose him to my daily life because of it. I don’t want my kids to think there’s something wrong with the amazing choices I’m making (breastfeeding/cosleeping, etc.) I’m sorry you had to go through all that. That sucks.
{shared blog entry — When I Fall Down}
I am completely with you there. I can not CONNECT with people who parent in a way that I feel is detrimental to their children emotionally/health wise/etc.
I can’t smile and try to alleviate someone’s guilt because they CHOSE to formula feed (for example) just because I happen to be nursing my son in front of them.
I’m just amazed that you can breastfeed a baby in a carseat. I never tried that one! People are funny, that’s all I can say. My neice is breastfeeding her baby and she makes so much milk that she pumps and gives it to her 3 year old twins. One of the twins just got diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and my neice was asking me about the number of carbs in breast milk. I was talking about her question and my mom was freaked that she was giving the twins breast milk in a cup. She should just give them cows milk she said. I thought that was so funny, it’s cool coming from a cow but gross coming from their mother. Peculiar!
Thank you! I have mad breastfeeding skills lol! Oh that is SO awesome that she is able to give her twins her milk! Oh yes. I never understood why giving a baby HUMAN breastmilk is shamed/shunned/etc but giving a baby a COWS breastmilk is seen as superior?! Insane right!
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I'm Sarah, mom of two sweet boys, Daniel & Tristan. I'm passionate about Attachment Parenting & photography. Why don't you learn more about me! Follow me on Twitter, stay up to date using the RSS feed, even subscribe via email, or connect with me on FaceBook and the OSN forum!
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Personal- Fought for a VBAC and lost
"She proceeded to make the comment “I know the situation, and because of that I’m not feeling sympathetic” in reference to Sarah leaving the hospital AMA and not accepting a repeat c-section previously, and to the massive amounts of pain she was in." - Vent - VBAC Scare Tactics
"He then recanted and said, “well maybe it’s not a law, but I’ll tell you NO hospital will ALLOW you to VBAC without it”. Right ok, so first fear tactic and lie." - I had TWO c-sections
"It’s hard because sometimes I almost feel shame or guilt that BOTH of my c-sections were medically needed." - Who Am I?
"I went from a victim, a weak worthless nothing to a MOTHER. I went from being a punching bag to a protector and then lost myself yet again."
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And people wonder why more women don’t breastfeed in this country! What terrible (lack of) support you’re getting. I really am so upset with these people on your behalf. I think what you did do was right — in the first case, you went about your business and then told your friend you couldn’t see what was wrong with it (because, um, there wasn’t anything wrong with it). In the second case, you told your brother to back off. I’m still mad that he tried to get your 8-year-old to agree with him. That was way out of line and very confusing for your son.
All I can hope is that both your brother and the 19-year-old (well, and your friend) are maybe opening their eyes a little to a different perspective on breastfeeding. The fact that you DON’T think it’s shameful and needs to be hidden maybe will start leaking through to them and eventually they’ll change their minds. I mean, it’s a slim hope, but I do think it’s possible.
I guess my advice is just to continue, as far as you can, to be level-headed when responding, to state that you prefer not to cover up, thank you, that breastfeeding’s natural, and then just leave it at that and refuse to argue the case. And then come rant online so you feel supported! :) Because I’d hate for that to be your main exposure to breastfeeding attitudes.
{shared blog entry — April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting advice}