Figure it all out

I am sitting here, having an epiphany of sorts… I need to get out of my current work situation and living situation with my 5 year old son and… I have zero money to do so. I’ve been saying this for years actually, trying to find work that would enable me to actually save money instead of providing for my son, father, and twin sister. I’ve applied at so many jobs, I’ve had two interviews total last year and well, obviously, I didn’t get the work. Part of the problem is I could get a job in retail tomorrow if I wanted, only with an at least 40% pay cut. The jobs I apply for, generally office work, they seem to want older women. Not some 25 year old single mother.

How can I move out of state when my bills (mostly vehicle) total over $500 a month (not including actual living expenses such as gas, groceries, etc) and this AFTER hunting down, finding more affordable vehicle insurance, cutting down my phone bill, and such. If I had any sort of decent credit I would actually think about trying for a personal bank loan, pay off my car with it, and just MOVE… but that’s fantasy.

I’ve given up so much personal power to my job where I am sexually harassed on an almost daily basis (I went to my bosses once about it when an ex-employee was being sexually explicit in front of me and they didn’t do anything about it, plus if it came down to it they would get rid of me before the employee’s who are selling the jobs). I feel violated in every single aspect of my life.

I feel like I can’t provide properly for my son in any sense because of the way I come home from work ( feeling violated) and dealing with our living situation.

I don’t know what to do. Why does everything have to cost money? How does a person with no money, move out of state, get a safe place to live and raise a child on her own?

I am sinking mentally into this black hole and I don’t know what else I can do.  Applying for work, trying to schedule interviews, it doesn’t work. I try to stay positive but it’s been almost 3 years of this work situation and 5 years of the living situation. I am horrified that my son will be starting school this upcoming autumn and he is in the worst possible living situation conductive to learning.

I feel like a complete failure.

I broke it down, and to be able to move out on what I make now at this current job (and hoping once I move I would be able to FINALLY get approved for public aid) I would need an extra, at least, $300 a month which breaks down to $75 a week. I would obviously want to find a full time job that pays me all of that in general, or at least something after work I could do from home using my web/computer skills that would bring that kind of income.

I was also denied from three wait make that FIVE places to refinance my car. My car currently at the price of $12,588.11 that I need to pay off.

I am overwhelmed and frustrated.

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