Losing My Way
Vibrant has gotten off to a good start, check it out.
I think my ex missed the memo that he shouldn’t be contacting me unless it’s telling me a child support check is in the mail (considering he says that he doesn’t “want” kids and refuses to contact his son unless I “make” him… real stellar).
I even pity myself with the amount of migraines I’ve had this week. I work tomorrow but I am all cracked out on the ‘ced.
I have three loads of laundry to do, three libraries to return books to, a whole bunch of grocery shopping, and a sick child on my hands. Super mama.
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by everything. Even random stuff as the sheer number of people that surround you on the tollway. I am overly sensitive to my surroundings apparently. I didn’t use to be. I was strong. I was independant.
“I gave myself, my control, over to a person that abused it.”
I couldn’t find my strength within, I thought I had to find myself a savior. I gave myself, my control, over to a person that abused it. I lost my family, my friends, my independence, my strength, myself. I am only now realising how damaging that is. I have to find myself. Who was I? Who did I used to be? What did I used to do? I wasn’t always this sad. This stressed. I would deal and cast aside. Now I internalize. This isn’t me. This is who I was created to be. I’m trying though. Really trying to change. To let go of the weight, emotional and physical. I punished myself for other’s failures. I abused myself to relieve other’s of their misdeeds. I tried to be a martyr. I have a fabulous network of strong, unbelievably strong woman around me now. No longer will I allow myself to be disrespected to make peace, I won’t sacrifice myself to help others find balance. A year from now I will look back at this entry and want to tell myself that this pain, this path, all leads to something amazing. The struggle is worth it.
That I’m worth it.
RT & Share
Click to skip down and add your comment
Hey. Not been to your site before, just came across it on my adventures around the world wide web. I must say I really like your design here. Your site is really organised & structured … really inspiring =).
I cant really comment on what you’ve said in your blog because I havent really read any of your previous ones so I dont know what has happened in your life. However, I think its wonderful that you feel you can overcome whatever it was that got you so low =) Be strong. You have all of us, you have whoever is around you who allows you to talk to them about your problems no matter what … & you have your talent which can be used as an expression to get whatevers inside you out. I think you’re fantastic.
Take care.
Helen xxx
I find it’s very helpful to give myself credit and cheers for very small victories. When I get the dishes done, I do a little dance in the kitchen to celebrate! I think, just from reading your blog, that you have much more strength than you realize, and if you would start maybe giving yourself cheers for little things, you’ll notice big accomplishments you’ve made all by yourself.
wow — that’s so lame — men truely can’t live up to any resposibilty, and what the hell is “This is a Skootch Free Zone
“, YOU ARE WORTH IT
ps I hate laundry
Wow… that was powerful. I’m sorry that things aren’t going well at the moment. Just keep thinking about the last part of the post though — a year from now you’ll look back and see amazing things and strength coming out of this hard time!
Commenting Guidelines
BasicsOnce your comment is posted it then is the property of OSN. I can edit, format, reuse or delete the comment as I wish, or display it for as long as I wish. I will not necessarily offer reasons or any warning why I have altered or deleted a comment.
Occasionally your comment might be held for moderation, it's not done on purpose, but sometimes WordPress might be confused, I will manually approve your comment as soon as I can, and apologize for the delay.
Email AddressesCorrect email addresses are required. Email addresses will never be published. Email addresses will not be shown in comments. Please leave your correct email address (as in youNOSPAM@domain.com or youREMOVE@domain.com are not correct) it is so I have the ability to reply to your comment via email. I will edit out the NOSPAM or REMOVE in the email field.
What is not acceptableProfanity, poor spelling and grammar, personal attacks, and off-topic comments.
AvatarsThe avatars that are shown are via Gravatar. If you do not have one associated with your email address it will show a default image, however I suggest you sign up to get one since many blogs use this feature!
Commenting Additions You light use the following mark-up within your comments. I only permit XHTML mark-up at this time. Line breaks are converted automatically.(<em> <del> <strong> <pre> <code> <blockquote>)
Leave a Reply
I'm Sarah, married mom of two fantastic boys, Daniel (10yrs) & Tristan (2yrs). I'm passionate about Attachment Parenting & photography! I like to help people with blog design and coding. Why don't you learn more about me!
Follow me on my private twitter, or my public twitter, stay up to date using the RSS feed or even connect with me on my personal Facebook page or my OSN Facebook page!
- Two more weeks of DS1 being in school (he's chosen to go back for 5th grade, meh lol!). Trying to figure out how to make the summer epic. | 6 hours ago
- @Myfreemind06 love the new avatar! | 6 hours ago
- @TouchstoneZ they are SO FAST too | 7 hours ago
© 2001-2012 All graphics, written content, and photos are copyright to onestarrynight unless otherwise stated.
I hope you feel better soon hon. That’s how it is here. I’ve been down with a bad migraine the last 2 days. I finally feel good this morning, but guess what? My daughter is sick, too…UGH! As is Jake’s daughter, who spends a lot time at my house.
I’m bulking up on the echinacea 7 vitamin C, for sure….
((((Love & hugs))))