Everything

It’s sad, I know I will get a ton of emails from people wanting to read this entry and yet, my normal entries that mean a hell of a lot more to me, get ignored.

I am so beyond fustrated with everything.

We have no money for anything, I am sick of OSN and dealing with how to make it stand out among the sea of likeminded sites.

For the first time in 3 years I got 2 shirts and bottoms when I had gone to Illinois. I can’t afford the $40 for ghetto glasses that I need.

I feel so desperatly alone all the time. I try to talk to people, my family, my online friends, since all of my “real” life friends do not exsist, when I moved from Tucson, I was all but forgotten and here in Ohio….what a joke.

The only thing going for me is being a mother. Without that….I would be nothing at all.

I had started some projects here at my domain that started to do well, now, I am lucky if anyone does anything at all. I have a bunch of hostees, does anyone think to even email me or IM or just a quick “yeah thanks for hosting me” nope. I can see why Jenn decided to get a new domain and make it closed to hosting and have it totally personal.

I just…don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I have no one to really talk to. I have no place to go. It’s bad enough I have literally NO ONE to discuss my parenting beliefs on, wait, not true, I can tell people how I feel, then I get bitched at, put down, looked down at….no one feels the way I do.

I used to write… stories… poetry… anything really. I haven’t written since I was 17 years old. It just feels like my emotions, my words, have no way of escaping, as if everything is trapped within.

I am tired of people trying to tell me I am having post partum depression when I tell them how I feel. I do not have that. The only things I am depressed about is money and lack of friends/family around. Sure, I am fustrated with OSN. I really put a lot into it. Heh, I wonder what would happen if I just closed it?

Eh, I suppose its one of those things where, some sites work, some don’t. I get so fustrated so fast. I wonder why that is.

I really haven’t said much in this entry but bitching.

Well, if I think of more to add, I will.

If I actually gave you access it is because you took the time to email me for it which gives me the impression you will take the time to give me a well thought out comment.

Blathering

I accepted a new hostee. She should be moving in soon.

I have updated everything OneStarryNight related the past two days, even did a new project this morning, just not sure if I should share or if it would succeed…

I have not seen anyone really online this past week. Wonder if anything fun is happening.

I gave a notice to my hostees that if they did not update after the 20^th in two weeks I will be zipping up their files. Of course if they have a valid reason and emailed me beforehand….no problem there. Some hostees I do not think I will ever get rid of heh.

I did a few layouts for Pagan Voice but unsure if they are good, if everyone would enjoy it…I seriously need a layout panel, people I could contact for their opinions on layouts hahaha. So far it consists of Morgan and Ali ahahhaha

Chubs has a 4^th tooth coming in on top. Teething. Fun.

I still do not understand Photoshop heh, I think perhaps I have used PSP for just so many years, I am comfy with it.

I had the most endearing conversasion with Dru of Pick-Me the other day. Very sweet chick.

Ugh. I know I have to clean today, but I am having Matt go out and do a lot today so I am not sure when I will have time.

Ohhh, watching MTV and OHHH I like the Eve and Alica Keys new song/video.

Blah, I am tired but I think chubs is mucho perkified right now. Am I the only one that wakes up to a baby laughing in thier face? Or he smacks the little Tigger Ali got him on my head. Oh yes. Pleasant.

Well, I suppose that is it my little bunnies! Blog on later!

Rambling

I am tired. I went downstairs to sleep but Matt and chubs were already sleeping and I didn’t want to disturb them.

No one is online.

Very lonely. All my readers for, well, everything, have disappeared. Sucks

I think I am getting a cold and that is depressing me.

Listening to Hendrix.

Visit my sister. Yeah, actually my real life sister.

The Reviews are on hiatus because no one seems to do any reviews so until I can get those in I can’t do a darn thing. I totally need reviewers.

Acquire seems to be dead in the water. Perhaps I should just get rid of it?

I did a lot of skins/layouts the last few days yet I have yet to get more than 2 or so, replies on if they are even decent. Ugh. I am whiny and I know it. I guess I am fustrated. I am one of those people that need constant reassurement that they are doing okay, that their creations are decent. I am a feedback whore.

I want to do a new layout for Pagan Voice but I have no clue what. I want it to be paganish themed but not blatantly so, and yet have everyone like it.

New singer I like — Brooke Allison.

I wish I had a printer. I wish I had a scanner. My 21^st birthday is coming up in October, anyone want to give me an early present? Heh.

I am so pessimistic these days. No clue why.

It is a full moon tonight.

I think I damaged my right index finger. The past few days it has been in intense pain. Not sure why. No swelling or bruising, but it hurts. Pretty damn bad. No money to see a doctor though. No money for anything these days.

Sometimes I feel like the only thing keeping me going is my son. Otherwise I would have no purpose in this life.

Ugh. What more to say? It is like talking to myself, yet to the world at the same time. Aren’t I the mental patient this morning.

Well, that is all I can even think of at the moment as I listen to my 1150 mp3s. *yeah load them all into Winamp and look at the count number, I have it set on random, I fear when Journey will come up*