07-02

2010

Awesome Children

These photos are of my two sons and my niece from her recent birthday, she’s now a very grown up TWO year old!

archived under: Photography

{22 comments}

06-26

2010

Embracing My Fatness

No one is perfect. Everyone dislikes some part of themselves.

For me I could probably narrow it down to a specific few:

weight
addictive personality
sticking in troubled relationships for far too long
too unorganized

I’ve managed to get out of all the bad relationships in my life so that’s a plus.

Lately I’ve put a lot of my self-worth into how much I weigh. Since having the baby, I’ve gained 60lbs. I didn’t gain much if anything during the pregnancy itself (in fact I lost weight the first 7 months) due to having severe hyperemesis.

It makes me seclude myself because I am not happy WITH MYSELF at this weight.

I am at a loss on “what to do” because I know WHAT to do, but I have such a mental block I suppose. I’ve tried WeightWatchers, calorie counting, etc, and I do VERY poorly because I go to the extreme and eat hardly anything and the foods I WOULD eat (all fat-free, sugar-free, artificial, etc) were very bad for me.

I could tell you how it happened too. A LOT of fast food and apple pies. I didn’t care about what I ate. I was so depressed about having a failed VBAC, lack of interest from my parents and siblings, that I ate my feelings, my rage.

I’m also sedentary. I am so uncomfortable walking in our neighborhood simply because we have no sidewalks and due to the never ending construction, cars just barrel down our street like it’s an action movie.

It doesn’t help that I developed quite the soda habit when I lived with Daniel’s bio-father. All he and his family drank was pop and I’ve never been able to fully kick it since then. Granted I drink “diet” pop but still, it’s bad for me and I know this.

If I’m stressed, Gods help us if there is apple pie, peach cobbler, or vanilla ice cream in the house. If all else fails, something super cheesy will get me through. Naturally I don’t ENJOY what I’m eating because I eat it SO QUICKLY that my mouth, my brain, my body, doesn’t have time to register what the heck is happening. Doesn’t matter if I feel “full” because you know, the food does TASTE good so I keep eating.

I’ve had issues with my weight starting in highschool but it really didn’t kick into high gear until my pregnancy with my oldest son. His bio-father was never into fresh healthy food so I had to learn how to cook with a LOT of ground meat, potatoes, and limited vegetables. My last trimester with him (once the hyperemsis eased a bit) was full of pancakes and bacon.

I’ve lost and gained 100lbs more times than I would like to think about and usually by really unhealthy means.

I suppose at the core of it, I don’t trust myself to eat normally. After years of diets and WeightWatchers, I associate so many foods as being “bad”.

I wish I was able to embrace my weight, who I am NOW rather than a future thinner self.

So lovely readers, I would appreciate your stories, your suggestions. I know I’m not alone! What is the solution? How does one “fix” their mindset? I don’t think I can handle another “it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle!” tagline thrown at me.

archived under: Thoughts

{103 comments}

06-15

2010

Broken Nature

archived under: Photography

{58 comments}

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I'm Sarah, mom of two sweet boys, Daniel & Tristan. I'm passionate about Attachment Parenting & photography. Why don't you learn more about me! Follow me on Twitter, stay up to date using the RSS feed, even subscribe via email, or connect with me on FaceBook and the OSN forum!

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Personal

Fought for a VBAC and lost
"She proceeded to make the comment “I know the situation, and because of that I’m not feeling sympathetic” in reference to Sarah leaving the hospital AMA and not accepting a repeat c-section previously, and to the massive amounts of pain she was in."
Vent - VBAC Scare Tactics
"He then recanted and said, “well maybe it’s not a law, but I’ll tell you NO hospital will ALLOW you to VBAC without it”. Right ok, so first fear tactic and lie."
I had TWO c-sections
"It’s hard because sometimes I almost feel shame or guilt that BOTH of my c-sections were medically needed."
Who Am I?
"I went from a victim, a weak worthless nothing to a MOTHER. I went from being a punching bag to a protector and then lost myself yet again."

Tweets

@PoorParenting basically homeschooling follows a curriculum and unschooling allows the child to self-learn #

@PoorParenting following her and sent her a ton of DM's lol #

@hearmeoutx public schools place huge emphasis on reading at a specific age. #

@hearmeoutx I really don't hold stock in add or ADHD. He seems to be more of a visual learner, like myself. I'm not worried however #

@hearmeoutx what is IEP and reading wise? He doesn't like to sit still and do it. He would rather be WATCHING a star wars movie than read it #

I would appreciate your feedback on my post about my #unschooling child that wants to try to go back to #publicschool http://bit.ly/d8xdnK #

{follow me on twitter!}

Angel: I am playing devil’s advocate here, because you mentioned, “Then it’s time...
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