I have so many thoughts swirling in my brain. Hard to focus on just one. So many stresses, so many worries, so many what-ifs…
I can’t seem to handle anything anymore. I want to just curl in a ball and make everything go away. I feel like I am just shutting down.
I am positive I will not be able to make my goal money by the time I need to move. I doubt I will be allowed to keep my car, not like I even have a lisense anymore, not like I can get one without fixing my AZ record which I keep having to re-mail for, the car hasn’t even been driven since Matt left. I feel like… I am trapped here. That Daniel will never be able to experiance a happy, a healthy, a safe life, because his stupid mother fucked up and allowed the move to Illinois to happen.
I don’t know of any other way to get the money I need, as fast as I need it. I do not have a way of getting a job outside of the home. I am not leaving my son with abusive people. I am not going to pay people to watch my son and ignore him and try to make him sleep all day so they don’t have to interact with him.
I just want to scream and cry.
I want to make it all go away.
I seriously feel as though I am going to snap if I don’t get out of here soon.