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Wow, 40. I never ever thought I’d see this age. Mostly due to all the trauma in my life. Yet here I am. 40.

Am I where I want to be? Nope. My health is crap (working on it), my life is intensely stressful (which is partly why my health is crap), and my depression is the worst it has been in years. I am in a constant state of fear, depression, anxiety, and insomnia, all due to my life situation. It sucks.

I know a lot of people see the start of a new decade in their life as a way to start over. I don’t know if that’s possible for me.

There’s no plan for the day. I will wake up late, because I’m writing all of this out at 2am! I plan on getting a pumpkin spice latte from somewhere, my oldest will probably make me pumpkin pancakes or waffles, then maybe a chopped salad for lunch, and I am leaning towards Italian for dinner. Then all the pies (I don’t like cake). My kids will give me cards, and I bet I can get them to do some weeding around my iris beds.

I was thinking about doing some sort of autumn drive but when I went grocery shopping today, I was disappointed to see that barely any of the trees have changed color! I’m sure it will be a different story in a week or so since the temps are dropping big time, but still, I was hoping for all the reds and golds!

Anyway, I’m going to try to make the best of it today, and hope that this next decade is far better than my 30s ever were!

has commented 2 times
posted on October 18th 2021 at 7:56AM CDT

I then wish for exactly what you seek. Happy birthday

has commented 3 times
posted on October 18th 2021 at 10:38AM CDT

I’m sorry you’re in pain. Emotional trauma and pain can sometimes be much harder to get through than physical. It sucks. I’ve been in therapy for awhile dealing with a bunch of junk. I’m here if you want to talk. I hope things start looking up for you, and your 40s are when you begin to heal from all and start to shine.