At a Loss for Words

October 20th 2009 / 3 minutes to read

Obviously having a newborn makes it difficult to be online, even with a Blackberry and laptop, I am going through withdrawal!

There’s so much more to the birth story than I posted earlier (which was blogged from my blackberry while on pain meds in the hospital). However, I doubt anyone cares to read it and I’m not sure when I would have time to really recall all of it without crying heh.

It took about a week and a half after the birth, all the while sobbing often, to accept my failed VBAC. I logically understand it was an actual emergency (due to my bleeding out/possible placenta abruption *waiting on those test results still*) and yet emotionally it’s hard to accept that I went through 4 straight days of labor, bleeding the whole time, having contractions every 2-4 minutes lasting 1-2 minutes, plus a hell of a lot more, just to end up with another c-section after all.

Aside from all the baby stuff, recovery stuff, I’ve been feeling insane! I’m still stuck at home, more so because of the painful c-section recovery, no nursing bra yet, and the weather hasn’t exactly been pleasant either. I just miss being outside! I am already mentally thrilled that this upcoming year (2010) I will again be frolicking outside like mad crazy with the boys!

Keith has been a huge help. I’ve had to change only ONE diaper, simply because he was renewing his driver’s license at the time so he wasn’t here lol. It’s amazing for me because I have to admit, I compare how he is with this baby phase to how Matt was and Keith by far is the better father. He’s a strong advocate for all of us where Matt… well… let’s not get into that. He cooks all the meals, does all the laundry, makes sure to play with Danny, etc. Suffice to say it proves that dating someone with more intelligence reflects more in daily life and parenthood than I originally believed years ago.

I just had my 28th birthday on October 17th. It was ok. I got an awesome surprise gift from Keith’s friend which I am still in shock about, my father stopped by and told me he would get us some more BumGenius cloth diapers in November which is awesome, right now Keith is washing diapers 1-2x per day. My oldest son made me an awesome card, photo is below. I still had a hard day though, I never do well on my birthday heh.

Anyway, here are a few recent photos. I would appreciate any feedback on well, everything. I am still emotionally raw from the failed VBAC and such heh.





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Beautiful photos! He really does look a lot like Danny. Wow. Little cuties. :)

Go Keith for helping you and being there for you and the boys. I’m rather curious as to what gift his friend surprised you with. I’m nosy lol.

My birthday wasn’t all that great either. They have been sucking a lot these past few years. One year we should celebrate our birthdays together and do something crazy fun. Yeah!
.-= {Lisa Marie´s shared blog entry… Gardein chicken biscuit} =-.

Tristan has such perfect lips!

I know you don’t know me from Adam, but I just wanted to leave a note saying that I will willingly read anything you feel comfortable posting about your birth. For me, journaling about experiences is what helps me process and heal.

Thinking of you.
.-= {Dallas Ann´s shared blog entry… A Bus Adventure} =-.


You can write to me about it if you need someone to talk to : ) I ended up with an emergency c-section Oct 5. I never had any labor, the induction went very wrong and my baby started being strangled inside of me when my uterus went hard. I wept and my boyfriend and I were angry the whole hospital stay- they called social workers on us etc. Monsters. We’ve lodged complaints and intend to file more. I spent my birthday in the hospital being observed in my interactions with my brand new and first son.

Fortunately I’m recovering (physically) like gangbusters. I abide almost none of the rules of recovery, but I have a lot of trouble emotionally with my incision.

Tristan really does look like his big brother. I can’t imagine having him c-section, though. ; P He’s huge, mine was only 5,11. VBAC or RCS- he’s a pretty big accomplishment ; )

BTW- weren’t the doctors measuring him to be 7 and change?

Reply to P.A.

The photos are gorgeous. Your newest son is just beautiful!

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time emotionally after your failed VBAC. It benefited Tristan to have you labor naturally for so long – that is something that helped me process Noah’s birth since I didn’t experience labor at all with Elias.

I’m here if you ever need an ear (or set of eyes) to talk to. I went through periods immediately after my RCS where I thought my body was just broken (especially after I had to start supplementing Noah at 3 weeks). There is no resolution to that, but as postpartum hormones fade away, so does the worthless type of feelings.
.-= {Lynda´s shared blog entry… Sleepy Boy} =-.

Reply to Lynda

and happy belated birthday : )

Reply to P.A.

@Lisa Marie, aww thank you. We totally need to celebrate our birthdays together!

@Dallas Ann, thank you! I think I will draft an entry, since most likely it will be super long and I only get a few minutes here and there to type with both hands lol.

@P.A. Woah what happened?? Funny that within mere days you and I are put through emergency c-sections and hospital issues from hell. It’s insane how people can treat laboring women/new mothers the way that they do.

All the OB’s said 9lbs. Hell I said he would be closer to 9-9 1/2lbs considering I had him at 41wks. So no where NEAR the 10+lbs he would need to be to be considered for any conditions that they were threatening me with.

@Lynda, thank you! He is the uber squishy lol. I am proud that Tristan came on his OWN time, it’s just hard as we still haven’t gotten the placenta results and I have a fear that they will come back normal (which logically is a GOOD thing), which means I could have just been, well, a bleeder and gone on to a normal vaginal birth.


So cute! I am glad your partner is helping out that always helps :) Aww I love the birthday card, tee hee your birthday is a day before mine :)
.-= {Damita´s shared blog entry… I’m alive!} =-.

Reply to Damita

I would love to read your birth story because I always find them to be really interesting (maybe its a pregnant woman thing…), but I know what you mean about lacking time. Just take time for yourself and your little one for now. The innernets aren’t going anywhere. =)
.-= {Erin´s shared blog entry… bicornuate coolness} =-.

Reply to Erin

*hugs* I remember being so upset over my c-section, upset for months. It’s crazy too, because like you I didn’t have a choice. Don’t beat yourself up about it, Sarah. You gave it all that you got, and stuck out pain and misery for DAYS, probably days more than many other pregnant women did. You didn’t throw in the towel, you kept hoping and doing whatever you could to end up with a natural birth. It didn’t end that way, but Tristan was born safely and you’re both okay.

Also: write about your c-section and failed vbac. Blog about it as much as you need to. Talk about it with Keith. Cry about it with him. That’s what I did — and still do, honestly.

Yay for breastfeeding and cloth diapers! Boob babies are great. I miss nursing Ryan… we bonded so much during those first fourteen months. Anyway… you’ve only changed one diaper so far? That’s crazy! I mean, Dan helped a lot and still does (with Ryan; Alyssa has been potty-trained for two years now), but I never got away with just one diaper in several weeks. ;)

I hope the four of you are doing well!

Reply to Jenn

I’m glad you have had so much help. It’s always nice to feel like other people around are helping you out. Also, adorable photos again! Thanks for sharing!
.-= {Caity´s shared blog entry… One of those days.} =-.

Reply to Caity

Thank you!

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