No one is perfect. Everyone dislikes some part of themselves.
For me I could probably narrow it down to a specific few:
- addictive personality
- sticking in troubled relationships for far too long
- too unorganized
I’ve managed to get out of all the bad relationships in my life so that’s a plus.
Lately I’ve put a lot of my self-worth into how much I weigh. Since having the baby, I’ve gained 60lbs. I didn’t gain much if anything during the pregnancy itself (in fact I lost weight the first 7 months) due to having severe hyperemesis.
It makes me seclude myself because I am not happy WITH MYSELF at this weight.
I am at a loss on “what to do” because I know WHAT to do, but I have such a mental block I suppose. I’ve tried WeightWatchers, calorie counting, etc, and I do VERY poorly because I go to the extreme and eat hardly anything and the foods I WOULD eat (all fat-free, sugar-free, artificial, etc) were very bad for me.
I could tell you how it happened too. A LOT of fast food and apple pies. I didn’t care about what I ate. I was so depressed about having a failed VBAC, lack of interest from my parents and siblings, that I ate my feelings, my rage.
I’m also sedentary. I am so uncomfortable walking in our neighborhood simply because we have no sidewalks and due to the never ending construction, cars just barrel down our street like it’s an action movie.
It doesn’t help that I developed quite the soda habit when I lived with Daniel’s bio-father. All he and his family drank was pop and I’ve never been able to fully kick it since then. Granted I drink “diet” pop but still, it’s bad for me and I know this.
If I’m stressed, Gods help us if there is apple pie, peach cobbler, or vanilla ice cream in the house. If all else fails, something super cheesy will get me through. Naturally I don’t ENJOY what I’m eating because I eat it SO QUICKLY that my mouth, my brain, my body, doesn’t have time to register what the heck is happening. Doesn’t matter if I feel “full” because you know, the food does TASTE good so I keep eating.
I’ve had issues with my weight starting in highschool but it really didn’t kick into high gear until my pregnancy with my oldest son. His bio-father was never into fresh healthy food so I had to learn how to cook with a LOT of ground meat, potatoes, and limited vegetables. My last trimester with him (once the hyperemsis eased a bit) was full of pancakes and bacon.
I’ve lost and gained 100lbs more times than I would like to think about and usually by really unhealthy means.
I suppose at the core of it, I don’t trust myself to eat normally. After years of diets and WeightWatchers, I associate so many foods as being “bad”.
I wish I was able to embrace my weight, who I am NOW rather than a future thinner self.
So lovely readers, I would appreciate your stories, your suggestions. I know I’m not alone! What is the solution? How does one “fix” their mindset? I don’t think I can handle another “it’s not a diet, it’s a lifestyle!” tagline thrown at me.