My mother left numerous comments on the post I wrote a few days ago, Yeah, My Mom Abused me, How About Yours?”.
At first I left them published but then they got more and more… weird. So I put them back as pending. I know some people already have read them while they were still published or they were subscribed to the comments so they got them in their email. I’ve since decided that since she posted public comments on a public post that it’s appropriate to share them, I’m sure some of you are curious what her response was.
I’ve not edited them in any way, not even for grammar or punctuation. I apologize for the all caps, that’s just how she writes online. I did bold the parts I thought were the MOST… bizarre… to me anyway.
I know not everyone agrees with my decision to post ANY of my past, much less the response I’ve gotten from my mother, however, I am doing my best to process and heal. For me that means no longer hiding it. I still do feel a lot of shame stemming from everything though. I feel dirty and WRONG because I know now, more so than I did THEN, how very wrong it was to have a parent do and say the things that were done and said to me. I’ve not brought up her relationship with my brother because there really wasn’t one. He left when he was 13yrs old and was basically raised by our father. To my knowledge, he really hasn’t had a ton of contact with her since.
Also, funny enough, I found a thread on a message board about her, how she stole, lied, and committed fraud (for gardening things and on Ebay). That was weird for me, seeing OTHER people see her as an online “troll”. Weird to have that as your parent!
Some parts of comments are a bit confusing (stuff she brings up) so I explained them using footnotes.
I DID TAKE MY MEDS. I HATED BEING BIPOLAR,IT IS NOT TRENDY
IM AM NOT A F—-K
I AM REPLYING TO YOUR COMMENT. I AM SARAHS MOTHER. I WAS A GOOD MOTHER TO HER. I HAVE BIPOLAR ILLNESS AND ALL THREE OF MY CHILDREN HAVE IT TOO, I HAD THEM TESTED AS CHILDREN ((Not true. I have been diagnosed with depression though, no wonder heh)).GLENDA
I think it is completely inapproprite for sarah to be discussing private family issues concerning me in such a demeaning way. I have no way to defend myself.None of these people know me. I am sarahs mother. I am harshly judged by sarah and all these people. There are two sides to this story. Not just sarahs side. I have my regrets and I never meant to hurt sarah or my other children. How can I be a grandmother to danny and tristan when I live several states away.????? I did the best I knew how to raise you sarah, and yes I made many mistakes along the way.I never grew up with any role models in my family. Why do you want to continue to hurt me??? You wont be hearing from me anymore. Why not do a long blog on your father, don????? He was very abusive and mean to you???? Let it be his turn now. Leave me alone. GLENDA
I’m not surprised she brought my father up and even though we’ve had our issues, he has since than more than made up for it by letting my child and I live with him, rent-free, for six years (when I was a single mom to DS1) and has helped me a lot over the past 10 years. He also has never lied to me about the past, made excuses for his past behavior, or threatened to kill me or expose me to sex shops or pornography as a child. He was only in my childhood up until the age of 10 and I saw him sporadically after that until I was 20 years old with my then new baby and moved into a 3-bedroom apt with him and my son’s bio-dad.
Also? She only lives 7hours and 45minutes away from me. We live in the day and age of mail service, email, video, phone, etc.
I DID NOT GO NUTS ON LAWYERS ETC. ((Sadly, she did. This is right when I got out of the hospital for mono. I was on the couch when my lawyer called me about it and then ended up staying at my best friend’s house because I was so scared.))
YOU WERE OUT OF CONTROL AT THAT TIME. YOU TOOK MY BLUE CAR WITHOUT PERMISSION AND TRASHED IT IN A ACCIDENT. ((This also isn’t exactly true. I was the driver but my brother, sister, and brother’s friend were in the car. Brother’s friend pulled the wheel. I hit some concrete and broke the axle. I took responsibility and admitted fault.))
YOU STOLE MONEY FROM MY PURSE. ((Yep, she got less than two hundred a week in child support which she would spend on china or linens. She didn’t have a job from when I was about 11 until long after I left at 17 years old. Which meant my sister and I didn’t have money for lunches or clothes. Generally my father would send large checks for birthdays and holidays so we could buy clothes and such for the rest of the year. I also worked two jobs, Taco Bell and Baskin Robbins yo!))
OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THE THINGS YOU DID TO ME.I NEVER SAID I WAS GOING TO BURN YOU TO DEATH THATS A LIE,MENTAL ILLNESS RUNS IN OUR FAMILY. ((Yep, she did say she dreamed of burning me alive to two police officers. It’s how she ended up in the psych ward for 48hrs and how my sister and I ended up in the shelter the first time.))
YOU ARE SEVERELY BIPOLAR, AND KNOW IT. WHY ARENT YOU ON ANY BIPOLAR MEDICATIONS TO HELP WITH YOUR DEEP DEPRESSION.????? ((Not bipolar, I’ve been tested because I do worry since my mother is bipolar. I have been diagnosed with depression though, not “deep” depression. I also have issues with PTSD and anxiety after the traumatic pregnancy and birth of my second child.))
ANOTHER LIE, I NEVER TOLD ANY POLICE OFFICERS THAT YOU WERE DOING COCAINE. THATS A LIE. ((I doubt the police officers that picked me up from my then boyfriend’s house, who would later end up being the bio-father to my first son, would make that up. I was even tested and searched for cocaine because they said “Your mother told us you were dealing and doing cocaine so we had to pick you up.”))
YOUR LIVING IN THE PAST SARAH. YOUR CAUGHT THERE.ALL OF THESE THINGS WERE 16 YRS AGO. ((I’ve always said I have issues moving on from my traumatic past. Yep!))
YOU KEEP BUYING TONS OF MAKEUP YOU WILL NEVER USE, ITS INSANE. THATS A BIPOLAR MANIC THING TO BE DOING. ((Huh? No words for this one.))
WE ALL SUFFERED DURING THOSE DIFFICULT YEARS, NOT JUST YOU ONLY. THERE ARE 2 SIDES TO THIS STORY.I DO NOT WANT YOU TALKING ABOUT ME IN ANY MORE OF YOUR BLOGS.MY LIFE IS PRIVATE. YOU SHOULDNT BE SAYING SUCH TERRIBLE COMMENTS ABOUT YOUR SISTER EITHER. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. MY SEVERE BIPOLAR ILLNESS IS BEING HELD AGAINST ME.I DID TAKE MY MEDICATIONS. ((She didn’t take her medication during this period of time, it wasn’t until a long time after did she take medication consistently))
I SUFFER FROM DEEP DEPRESSIONS, AND I HAVE A DIAGNOSED PANIC DISORDER.I REGRET ALL THE THINGS I SAID TO MY CHILDREN ALL THOSE YEARS AGO. BUT I WAS VERY MENTALLY ILL THEN.I AM THE ONLY MOTHER YOU WILL EVER HAVE. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEE MY GRANDSONS BECAUSE I LIVE SO FAR AWAY. ((She lived 4 hours away from me for over a year. She made the journey to visit my niece. Ok…))
YOU DID YOUR SHARE OF TERRIBLE THINGS TO ME.I WILL NOT DO A REHASH OF ALL YOU DID. ((I really am lost here. I RARELY talked back. I wasn’t perfect. I ran away from home at 17 because I couldn’t handle waiting until I was 18. I’ve been arrested when I was a minor. Yep))
STOP LIVING IN THE PAST.IT ONLY BRINGS UNHAPPINESS.THESE NASTY BLOGS ABOUT ME MUST STOP OR I WILL HAVE TO TAKE LEGAL ACTION. ((Uh. Talking about MY direct past isn’t something I can be sued for, pretty sure about that, however, bring it on.))
I NEVER EVER SAID I WANTED TO BURN YOU ALIVE. ((Covered this already.))
THAT A LIE.WHY YOU CHOSE TO WRITE THESE THINGS IS BEYOND MY UNDERSTANDING???? YOU IGNORE ME LIKE IM DEAD.ARE YOU A GET MAD, GET EVEN KIND OF GIRL??? YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MOTHER, AND NOW YOUR SISTER. ((Again with my sister?))
WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS AND YOU NEED YOUR FAMILY. WE WONT BE THERE FOR YOU. THEN WHAT WILL YOU DO, IF SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN TO0 KEITH?? ((Wow. My husband just LOVED this bit.))
YOU HAVE ALOT TO ANSWER FOR.ALL THESE HURTFULL WORDS WILL COME BACK TO HAUNT YOU ONE DAY.YOUR SON DANNY WILL RESENT YOU FOR NOT GIVING HIM A EDUCATION.AND YOU WILL LOSE HIM. HE DESERVES TO GO TO A GOOD SCHOOL AND RECIEVE A HIGH QUALITY EDUCATION, NOT SITTING AROUND THE HOUSE ALL DAY.WITHOUT A GOOD EDUCATION HE WONT GET GOOD JOBS. IS THIS WHAT YOU TO HAPPEN TO HIM???PUT HIM BACK IN SCHOOL SOMEWHERE ELSE BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.PLACE DANNYS NEEDS ABOVE YOUR OWN. ((Not sure where this all comes from. My son has been in school the whole year, granted I have issues with the education but that’s my perspective. Really confused about this.))
STOP THIS BLOGGING MADNESS.PEOPLE ARE BEING HURT.STOP BUYING THAT EXPENSIVE MAKEUP AND USE IT TO BUY BOOKS, AND CLOTHES FOR YOUR CHIDREN. ((Again, confused. One of these days I’ll post photos of their overflowing bookcases and closets. Not sure where that all stems from.))
STOP BEING SO CRITICAL OF ALEXANDRA.SHE HAS DONE ALOT FOR YOU OVER THE YEARS WHEN YOU WERE IN MANY CRISIS SITUATIONS. ((Wow, THIRD TIME about my sister. Not sure when she’s been there for me much less during a crisis situation. She did help pay my $10 co-pays to my then OB when I was pregnant with my oldest 10+ years ago though. She also paid for an emergency tooth extraction in 2006 as well for me.))
THINK ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE YOU HURTING.YOU HAVE SACRIFICED A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME AND YOUR SISTER. ((More about my sister. I guess they had an epic conversation about me apparently. Didn’t know I lost her either. News to me.)) WAS IT WORTH THE HIGH PRICE???THINK ABOUT IT. YOUVE LOST US. I WISH YOU WELL SARAH. GLENDA
So basically, I’m an awful daughter, sister, mother, and wife. My makeup is destroying EVERYONE. OH and everything was my fault. Gotcha! It’s all so clear now! Oh and I’ll end up alone forever. I know that’s a bit sarcastic. Coping mechanism for the win!
Seriously though, I didn’t expect an apology. I do wonder why she skipped over all the sexual stuff she said/did (Honestly? That wasn’t even the worst of it, I only covered one year in that post). I actually don’t grasp 80% of what she said because it just didn’t make sense to me. I really wasn’t surprised how many times she brought up my twin sister. She’s always made it crystal clear that she favored her.
I’m not sure how I, as a child, could have provoked her enough, what I DID to cause this. Seriously, how did 4yr old ME somehow FORCE my mother to toss cold medicine in my face (when I refused to drink it) and call me a little bitch. Or a 6yr old me being told (as I was told my entire life with her) that she wished she had an abortion with me. Even when I was a teenager… I didn’t talk back or put her down. I recall a few of my friends witnessing some of her… moments. Yes I ended up running away. Yes I ended up dropping out of high school (I then worked 2 jobs). I’m not sure how that “earned” or “deserved” what went on from birth until 18.
I do wonder if I can handle posting about my past, any part of it, again. It’s hard to open up like this and feel judged for it. I know it has to make some people feel uncomfortable, especially if they grew up in a healthy or even semi-healthy environment with their parents or caregivers. However, maybe someone can relate to what I went through and know they aren’t alone.
I promise, I’ll go back to my fluffy posts from now on!