I Fought the Insomnia, and the Insomnia Won
Nothing like fighting insomnia and losing miserably! Just… admire the duck… and the green.
Right now it’s raining lightly outside, I’m listening to my boyfriend and my oldest son, Daniel, snore. Oh wait, now baby Tristan is getting in on some light snoring action.
Sometimes I think I am going insane. My twin sister texted me today asking why I forgot to email her back, and I hadn’t forgotten it’s just my hours are so screwed up AGAIN, that I am unable to do much because every time I try, I wake one of the boys up.
I also told her that I am having anxiety issues and nightmares from the second c-section I had, but she didn’t acknowledge I even brought it up. I guess my depression/anxiety/nightmares/gods know what other issues I have stemming from that cause people to be uncomfortable or maybe not see it as real because it’s surrounding a birth of a healthy baby? I don’t know.
Anyway to totally switch gears here, if you’re a SAHM (stay at home mom), what the hell do you do all day? I keep reading/seeing/hearing about how there are never enough hours in a day but I don’t have that issue. I feel so lazy and unproductive actually. I rarely have to do much but play with the boys, breastfeed the baby, and uhh that’s about it. Literally. Keith does all the diaper changes (I would say about 98% of the time), and diaper laundry. He and I go back and forth on the regular laundry. We also switch off on cleaning the kitchen.
I felt accomplished last night because not only did I make dinner (which granted I do most nights because I enjoy it), but I made these little apple pie wontons for dessert AND ran a load of dishes.
So really, PLEASE break it down for me stay at home moms, WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY? I need a purpose! A plan!
Hmm what else, oh Weight Watchers is going ok. I’ve lost almost 20lbs now, which granted in the whole scheme of things is barely anything, I still have 40lbs to lose to get to pre-pregnancy size (how I gained like NOTHING during the pregnancy due to the hyperemesis yet gained almost 60lbs AFTER the birth, I will never understand), and after THAT another 100lbs probably. Nothing like being raised to eat my feelings!
I’m not fat. I’m “plus-sized”. Or husky. I think I like husky. Sounds more sturdy.
Back to the insomnia thing, it’s seriously screwing with my mind. I can’t focus on anything, it always seems dark because I go to bed when it’s dark and wake up when it’s dark. Plus you know, the whole guilt factor that I’m not up at the crack of dawn baking fat free muffins for the family while doing 3 loads of laundry AND mopping the floor singing happy shiny songs.
Oh well, stare at another pretty photograph and tell me I’m awesome because really, that DOES help actually! Makes me feel like I’m not completely alone in my jacked up way of thinking!
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Well, my mom was a stay at home mom, and once we were sleeping through the night it got a lot better for her. I think it helped her that my brother and I went to school as opposed to staying at home because she had to be up with us in the morning to get us ready for school, making lunches, etc. but since you don’t have that issue, maybe you need to join something… a daily photography group, or a local walking group that goes out at the same time each day, just to have a reason to get up and out during the day. Again, my lack of momminess makes me a little less useful in this department, but I’m sure you’ll get a ton of responses in that department!
Anyway, thank you for posting the beautiful crocus photo. The colours are wonderful, and since we have no flowers growing here yet, it’s a nice reminder of what is to come! I also love the sheen of the mallard’s head. Sometimes it’s hard to catch how beautiful they really are with a photo, but as always, you’ve captured him beautifully!
This too shall pass, Sarah. Things will improve. That’s just that nature of life when you’re a good person. The key is to let it go once it’s over and not dwell on it after it has passed (I’m referring to the insomnia, not the C-Section, as I wouldn’t expect anyone to be able to really just let that go when it goes so against their core values). You will be alright, I know it.
Oh see, sleep isn’t so much the issue… it’s just GETTING there for me. I spend HOURS a night listening to all my guys sleep/snore but am unable to fall asleep myself. It sucks!
Oh I was SO happy to see the crocuses at the local park, I can’t wait until we fix our yard so I can plant bulbs!
I think you are awesome. I love your photographs. Maybe you just need Springtime- to take pictures of buds and flowers instead of bare branches.
Thank you!! I think so too, it’s hard because when the weather is cold and rainy (like today), it really is depressing! When the weather is nicer I FORCE myself to get out of the house, if even just to make sure my boys get their park time!
That’s one reason I could never do the SAHM thing. The only things to do were laundry and dishes, which I despise doing because it seems like as soon as you get them completed, a few hours later you have even more work to do. Drove me crazy.
I need structure and I can’t seem to provide it for myself.
Good luck organizing everything so that it works for you.
See, I probably would have more to do, but Keith does so much for me! I did wash all the bedsheets, do the dishes, cleaned the kitchen a bit, and the bathroom a bit, and vacuumed so that’s SOMETHING lol.
I’ve NEVER been good with structure even though I crave it, go figure right!
I stay home with Gracie and for the most part she consumes the entire day. My husband cannot be here to help nearly as much as I would like to because he works so many hours. She is up from about 9am until 9pm with a few naps so she’s either being fed, played with, etc. When she’s occupied (either with someone else or a toy momentarily) I might get some laundry done or get some time with Randy in. When we were living on our own it was the same except no breaks because again, I was the only one awake most of the time. I also got back into freelance writing online so when I do have some “free” time I’m doing that to make a bit of extra income. The internet is mainly my source of entertainment as a SAHM.
Tristan (just like Danny was) is such an “easy” baby. As long as the boob is nearby somewhat, he’s cool lol. He also has no problem just laying with me or on his baby mat thingy (he is ALL about the rolling all over the place). It’s more so I go brain dead because I was a single working mom for 6 years that I don’t know what to do with all this downtime!
You are AWESOME!
I am currently a SAHM (not completely by choice) to an 8 month old. I can’t ever see myself getting up at the crack of dawn to bake anything. It’s just me and the baby most of the day so a lot of the time what I do is baby-related. I find that getting out of the house helps. I’m new at the SAHM thing so I’m really still figuring it out as we go along.
It’s hard because my oldest is 8yrs old and doesn’t mind playing by himself, the baby is 6 months old and generally if he’s in the same room as me, will play by himself on his mat or saucer thing.
My brain just doesn’t know what to do anymore!
Aww Sarah you are awesome! I’ve had troubles with sleeping lately too and I’m not a mom. I wish I was a stay at home mom though wow the things I would do. Mostly online haha forums photography, house cleaning and updating my twitter too often. Baking would be fun too. Want to trade for a few? Heh
You have GOT to be the only person excited about house cleaning lol.
See if it wasn’t for the WeightWatchers I probably WOULD be baking more and such!
I’ve always had sleep issues, but the older I get the more they bother me lol.
I don’t do as much as I should. LOL! Laundry, blog, dishes, read, bring the kids outside, get out of the house whether it is a walk around the mall, walmart, or where ever, shower, bathe the kids…
I am hoping once we fix the walls/paint/decorate combined with nice weather that I will just FEEL more energized. It’s amazing, the healthier I eat, the more sleep issues I tend to have lol.
Two words: Moms Group. That’s how I survive(d). I’ll be at a Mom’s Group function tomorrow morning as a matter of a fact.
Also, I am a massive insomniac, and the only thing that has ever helped me is Calmes Forte. It’s like a miracle. Its safe for breastfeeding, but Tristan needs to be sleeping decent stretches if you want to get the full benefit of it.
I am so SHY when it comes to mom groups!
What is Calmes Forte? Oh Tristan is a great sleeper 5-6 hours at night, wakes up to nurse, falls back asleep for another 2-4 hours.
If only my sleep was that easy!
Calms is a homeopathic sleep aid that works like crazy for me (this coming from the girl who used to be on prescription sleep aids until the Ambien gave me one too many hallucinations.)
It just puts the body in a state where you can say “Oh, I think I might close my eyes now” and next thing you know it’s morning.
I know what you mean about the mom’s groups though. Believe it or not I am very socially awkward at times and can be very shy (which I try to overcome by being a ridiculous extrovert in my “public” persona). In the last 2 years I’ve been in my moms group though I’ve made some awesome friends, and they really are my sanity savers.
You should bring the boys down here one day and we can go to Brookfield Zoo. I’m a member so I have free guest passes. You can dip your toes into the waters of Socializing-With-Other-Moms. :)
I’m so sorry you are having a rough time. I know that this Midwestern weather has gotten to all of us, but remember that warm sunny days are coming!
Anyway, I’ve been doing the SAHM thing for a little over a year now, and have seriously fallen in love with it. I don’t have a lazy bone in my body, so I usually have our days somewhat full of stuff to do. The morning hours are spent picking up the house, having breakfast, playing, showering/bathing, playing, and then snack or lunch. (Multiple nursing sessions drag these tasks out a bit) I try to break up the day with some sort of outing: park, play area indoors, visiting friends, grocery shopping, walking, errands, etc. So after the outing, kiddos nap, and I either work or internet surf. “Work” for me is maintaining 2 websites (one my blog, the other a natural birth and parenting group website) or sewing my slings. I really think having my side projects is key. Then, kids wake up, we play or read and then Daddy gets home.
I know you are great with web design, maybe you could try taking on more work doing things for people?? Just brainstorming…
Oh yes, next week the forecast shows sunny 60+ degree days!
See I need a bigger house, just to clean more! As it stands now until we redo the kitchen, I am sort of limited in what I’m able to do clean wise lol.
I suppose focusing more of my downtime on my blog could help.
Oh yes, I try to do a couple design/wordpress projects a month!
First I love your blog design. So cool… second you ARE awesome. Third. Sorry you are having a rough go in the sleep department. That’s the worst, and the more you think about it, the harder it is… sounds like you got a ton of great suggestions from others though. Hope you can get some sleep soon.
Thank you so much!!!
Oh yes, I think I am to the point of obsessing over sleep. I know once I’m outdoors more it won’t be such an issue but until then… insomnia!
I’m envious at how much Keith helps out. Wish my hubby was like that, though he has an excuse; 1 hour commute to and from work, coupled with sleep apnea doesn’t help.
I’m a SAHW and to be honest I don’t get nearly as much done as I need to. Mostly because I feel so defeated after having slaved for hours cleaning the house to only have it trashed a few days later by the hubby and the puppies, so yeah I guess I need structure too– but like you, I’m not one who likes to follow it. ROFL.
Oh yes, Keith has sleep apnea as well, he was diagnosed with it after a sleep study about a month and a half after we got together.
For me, the main issue I have cleaning wise is the dust. This house gets dusty FAST on EVERY surface. Drives me crazy!
well done on the weight loss :) sorry sleeping is becoming a pain :(
Thank you! It’s hard because I am not losing much at all and it’s frustrating.
1st-Your comment box is the coolest I have ever seen. :)
I love your pictures! You are so talented. Great job on the weight loss! Remember, even if you aren’t losing pounds, you might be losing inches. Do you measure?
As far as the SAHM thing goes, I do a lot of cleaning (old house, lots of dusting), laundry, reading, and baking. I bake a lot. I make homemade bread all the time, which is time consuming. When the weather is nice, we go to the park, or have play dates with other kids his age. I wish there was a good moms group around me, but the ones around here are cliques, and it’s hard to feel comfortable in them.
Thank you so much!!! I do not measure, I do go by how my clothes feel and there wasn’t any change after the initial two weeks.
Oh yes, I find it’s hard to break into “mom groups” because a lot of times the members can be clique-ish or I just feel weird because I don’t know all the inside jokes and such.
When I started as a SAHM I too was bored out of my skull. Which is why I started blogging :)
But now I do Stroller Strides (5-6 mornings a week), breastfeeding support group, playgroup, other playgroup, baby signs class, knitting group, learn to knit socks class, watch my husband’s hockey league, visit the aquarium/seaport/vineyard, and go to the park. I do ALL THOSE things with the baby in tow. I know joining a mom’s group can be intimidating but TRUST ME, everyone was new once and felt the same way.
Besides those, grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry and cooking take up enough time that I’m not twiddling my thumbs. And when I’m tempted, I just check my Google Reader. Yikes.
p.s. Your site and pictures are gorgeous!
Aww thank you!!
I need to find a LLL meeting around here, if only to just connect with other bfing mommas!!
I wish the baby enjoyed the car more, as it stands now he is in his separation from momma = screaming phase which makes it hard for me to drive, generally I have the boyfriend drive and I chill in the backseat with the wee one.