I Fought the Insomnia, and the Insomnia Won
Nothing like fighting insomnia and losing miserably! Just… admire the duck… and the green.
Right now it’s raining lightly outside, I’m listening to my boyfriend and my oldest son, Daniel, snore. Oh wait, now baby Tristan is getting in on some light snoring action.
Sometimes I think I am going insane. My twin sister texted me today asking why I forgot to email her back, and I hadn’t forgotten it’s just my hours are so screwed up AGAIN, that I am unable to do much because every time I try, I wake one of the boys up.
I also told her that I am having anxiety issues and nightmares from the second c-section I had, but she didn’t acknowledge I even brought it up. I guess my depression/anxiety/nightmares/gods know what other issues I have stemming from that cause people to be uncomfortable or maybe not see it as real because it’s surrounding a birth of a healthy baby? I don’t know.
Anyway to totally switch gears here, if you’re a SAHM (stay at home mom), what the hell do you do all day? I keep reading/seeing/hearing about how there are never enough hours in a day but I don’t have that issue. I feel so lazy and unproductive actually. I rarely have to do much but play with the boys, breastfeed the baby, and uhh that’s about it. Literally. Keith does all the diaper changes (I would say about 98% of the time), and diaper laundry. He and I go back and forth on the regular laundry. We also switch off on cleaning the kitchen.
I felt accomplished last night because not only did I make dinner (which granted I do most nights because I enjoy it), but I made these little apple pie wontons for dessert AND ran a load of dishes.
So really, PLEASE break it down for me stay at home moms, WHAT DO YOU DO ALL DAY? I need a purpose! A plan!
Hmm what else, oh Weight Watchers is going ok. I’ve lost almost 20lbs now, which granted in the whole scheme of things is barely anything, I still have 40lbs to lose to get to pre-pregnancy size (how I gained like NOTHING during the pregnancy due to the hyperemesis yet gained almost 60lbs AFTER the birth, I will never understand), and after THAT another 100lbs probably. Nothing like being raised to eat my feelings!
I’m not fat. I’m “plus-sized”. Or husky. I think I like husky. Sounds more sturdy.
Back to the insomnia thing, it’s seriously screwing with my mind. I can’t focus on anything, it always seems dark because I go to bed when it’s dark and wake up when it’s dark. Plus you know, the whole guilt factor that I’m not up at the crack of dawn baking fat free muffins for the family while doing 3 loads of laundry AND mopping the floor singing happy shiny songs.
Oh well, stare at another pretty photograph and tell me I’m awesome because really, that DOES help actually! Makes me feel like I’m not completely alone in my jacked up way of thinking!
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