Is there ever a point where you stop and actually enjoy the positives in your life? I seem to be future focused, all about the “what if’s” or “if only…” instead of being in the present. I don’t know how to let go of waiting for disaster. I feel like people look at me and expect one thing or another that I can’t provide for them. I was talking with Kat this past week about how I completely shut down when there is even a small chance that I will be emotionally vulnerable. Sure, having a not so good relationship past contributed to that, being a single stressed out mother contributed as well… I just don’t know how to stop being so fearful. As she says, fear and love can’t live in the same house.

How do you surrender yourself to the good stuff and not dwell on the crappy stuff? How do you remain perky when it feels like everything around you is negative? Ah maybe I should do some podcast entries again, then I can say all this stuff at the speed of light while sounding like a cracked out chipmunk.

Me

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Aenka
posted on June 15th 2007 at 7:20AM CDT

This post is so beautifully worded.  I wish I could focus more on the present as well, instead of regretting my past year and worrying about the future.  I mean, the future will come regardless, so why not enjoy what you have at the moment, right?  But it’s so much easier to say than to actually do.  It’s hard to logic away emotions.

Your self-potrait fits this entry so perfectly, and is gorgeous and sad at the same time.

Kat
posted on June 15th 2007 at 12:01PM CDT

It’s so, easy to focus on the past because, it happened and when we look back on it we remember and see lessons that we needed to learn at the time. I think it’s easy to look to the future and wonder what if becuase, the future holds so, many possibilities. And that can be both an exciting and a scary thing. And somehow it’s easy to overlook the present..the gift of today because, in the middle of it all we don’t always see or recognize the lessons coming to us. I try to say happiness is a choice. And it’s really hard to feel a sense of happiness when things are changing and you’re feeling scared. But, it’s not impossible. How to stop being fearful? I sure haven’t figured that out yet. But, I think there’s a certain amount of feeling the fear and letting it go that’s invloved in it. Yes fear can smother love. But, love carries hope. Maybe there’s a certain amount of love that goes into it too. You know the kind. The sometimes hard to give kind. Self love *hugs*.

john
posted on June 15th 2007 at 11:37PM CDT

maybe allow those who want nothing from you into your life as a friend.

posted on June 16th 2007 at 1:52AM CDT

I followed you from onelotus…
A little over a year ago I found Christopher Gutierrez because of some internet drama he had with a famous dude.  I started reading his blogs.  He has since published two books and one minibook, but they’re not nationally published, you buy them from him.  His blog is here: http://askheychris.livejournal.com/
He says:

“Being a positive person is not about ignoring the hurt and sweeping the ugly memories under the rug by distracting yourself with hollow goals. It is not only about confronting them, but running up to them full speed and smashing their teeth out for the nights they kept you awake. It is about you overtaking them. It is about dismantling the damage and crushing the castles they built on YOUR beach and starting over.”

posted on June 16th 2007 at 2:38AM CDT

OMG I typed out this long ass message to you and it disappeared……..Anyway I was wondering if you would be able to help me out with the photo album templates through EE? I am using the one from here:

I have all of the code up , I just think I have the paths wrong. I will pay or whatever…………..And my message before was directed to your post, but it was a way long comment, so I guess the short version would be that I wish I had the answer for you, but I am still fighting my own demons myself and still coming to terms that Lizzy is gone………..I hope you find your happiness soon. I doubt that I will ever be truly happy again……..

Leslie
Mom To Busy Lizzy
(8-14-96/2-25-07)

posted on June 16th 2007 at 2:38AM CDT

@Aenka Thank you! I think it stems from the last few years being very… unstable for me so I tend to think of every new situation as being well… most likely ending up painful heh.

@Kat I have no words, I adore you and you always know what to say to make me feel better.

@John Sometimes that seems easier said than done, especially since I have to make myself vulnerable to find out if the person really wants nothing.

@Ali I don’t want the world thinking I’m an excedrin whore… YET anyway lol.

@Lauren Thank you for commenting and for sharing that link! That quote is very powerful for me… I am going to read his LJ for a bit before bed, thank you again!

posted on June 16th 2007 at 2:43AM CDT

@Leslie {{hugs}} I emailed you!

Chrissy
posted on June 19th 2007 at 2:39AM CDT

You don’t have to be perky, positive, and full of joy all the time, but you really need to start doing is quit telling yourself that nothing good is ever going to come your way.

Start small and make yourself, in a paper journal or notebook, writedown one positive thing about that day or about that moment. Do it for one month. The next month, bump it up to two. So on and so forth. Make yourself dwell on what is positive for once. After awhile, you won’t have to force yourself, it will come naturally.

After about six months of writing down positives, start writing down things you’d like to positively change about either yourself, your life, or just the world around you. Do that once a week or once every couple of weeks or so. And them start doing them.

It’s hard at first, but it gets easier. And you’re not alone. You have a beautiful son and an amazing group of friends online. You can always ask them for help when you get stuck.

Hope that helps…

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