Is there ever a point where you stop and actually enjoy the positives in your life? I seem to be future focused, all about the “what if’s” or “if only…” instead of being in the present. I don’t know how to let go of waiting for disaster. I feel like people look at me and expect one thing or another that I can’t provide for them. I was talking with Kat this past week about how I completely shut down when there is even a small chance that I will be emotionally vulnerable. Sure, having a not so good relationship past contributed to that, being a single stressed out mother contributed as well… I just don’t know how to stop being so fearful. As she says, fear and love can’t live in the same house.
How do you surrender yourself to the good stuff and not dwell on the crappy stuff? How do you remain perky when it feels like everything around you is negative? Ah maybe I should do some podcast entries again, then I can say all this stuff at the speed of light while sounding like a cracked out chipmunk.