Where to even begin? My entire life has quite literally been nothing but trauma and stress but I feel like the last two years have been completely insane.
Health
The newest diagnoses to add to my list of doom are POTS, hypermobility, abnormally large uterus with heterogeneous myometrium, and I am at high risk of developing uterine cancer (which my maternal grandmother had).
The POTS stems from my never-ending mono. Mono is one of the biggest triggers of POTS as it turns out. After this last reoccurrence of mono which was very severe, it ramped up my symptoms drastically. I struggle to stand and walk as my heart rate goes from my resting of 66 to the 160’s while standing still and brushing my teeth for example. I had to cave and purchase a shower stool to sit on while showering. Ironically I’ve already been on a low dose of a beta blocker because, in the summer of 2021, I saw a cardiologist who did an echo, stress test, and 24-hour Holter monitor, and said I had some “mild” tachycardia spikes and nothing else. So I just thought it stemmed from my weight, even though I had lost 40lbs by that point (I easily drop weight the rare times my thyroid functions). Anyway, I was put on this medication to help with that, I can’t increase it beyond the smallest dose though because then my blood pressure bottoms out, and I faint. So a beta blocker, increase hydration (the battle of my life), and increase salt intake.
It’s causing my depression to worsen because the only help I get is from my 15-year-old son. I’ve had many lengthy conversations about everything with my spouse and oldest son that I need help.
The hypermobility is not shocking news but it explains a lot.
The uterus insanity… ugh. I was put on 200mg of progesterone for 12 days to trigger a “false” period. I asked my gyno multiple times “But what if I don’t bleed” and she said, “Oh you will, within 5-7 days after your last dose”. Yeah… I’m on day 22 after my last dose and nothing. Not a drop. The bigger issue is after I had severe pneumonia and another huge mono reoccurrence at the end of 2023, my periods just stopped as if you turned off a light switch. My hormones completely tanked. I had one after 7 months on Father’s Day in June then another at the end of August. Now it’s been just over 106 days since then. She did call me back after I left a message in the portal, and we are going to try the protocol again in February on a smaller dose of the medication. She said the positive thing is that it means I am not building up this massive lining. Awesome.
Right now no one can figure out why this is happening as it’s not true early menopause, the thought is that it could stem from the massive inflammation overwhelming my body but who knows?
I just started LDN for the inflammation and we are trying to get my insurance to cover a super high dose of another med to try to deactivate the EBV so I am no longer the Goddess of Mono.
Almost 20 years after having my gallbladder removed, I am now having a ton of pain on my right side that could be from bile ducts or my pancreas. I basically eat plain potatoes, plain rice, and you got it, plain chicken breasts to alleviate that pain and the GERD and gastritis.
Thyroid-wise we just did a good increase in my T4 and T3 medications so I am hoping for the best when it comes to that.
Oh, and my hernia is the bane of my existence, which is hilarious considering what a hot mess I am right now. It’s so large it makes me look pregnant, it causes a ton of back pain, my balance is off because of it, and there’s nothing I can do unless I magically heal a bunch of stuff, drop a ton of weight, and somehow to manage to afford what is considered an “elective surgery”.
Admit it, you wish you were me heh.
Life Stuff
My birthday was October 17th. I got nothing. No gifts, no dinner, no cards, nothing.
I found out in early October that my step-father, who had been married to my mother for 27 years before she died, sold their house, got rid of one of her cats but kept the other, moved into an assisted living facility, and threw away her hundreds of books, belongings, clothes, etc. Everything he refused to let me have. Just casually said, “It’s all in a dumpster somewhere”. So I am pretty fucked up from that.
My 14th marriage anniversary was December 4th. I had to beg and plead with my spouse to acknowledge it. I asked for coffee as I hadn’t had it in two months (I love the taste even though it puts me to sleep). Normally for the marriage anniversary, he would buy my garden tomato and pepper plants for the upcoming season, but he refused. He got pissed with me for bringing any of this up, then bought me some Nespresso pods from Amazon and told me I was screwing him over financially and that this counted for my forgotten birthday and the marriage anniversary.
December came around and due to the amount of pain I’m in, I wasn’t able to get my sons a single item for Christmas. I told my spouse who proceeded to scream at me, put me down, and accuse me of “excluding him for ten years” from Christmas…. just insanity. I had to pull up all the past years’ videos of where he was front and center every year and even then he claims I am tricking him somehow. He also did not do a thing for my sons for Christmas. Just the silent treatment, his classic, for the holidays.
I mean the sheer luck that my sons each have a living father and grandmother, and both of them are ignored by all of them. I know how to pick ’em.
So yeah, that’s where I’m at.
@starrymom I really hope that things will be better for you!