I’m A Hot Mess – A Life Update

November 25th 2012 / 2 minutes to read

Thanksgiving was a complete epic fail. Why? Because this year we decided to use a pre-made brine that made everything taste like cloves AND it made the turkey drippings overly salty / clove in flavor which made the most nasty gravy. I’ve never really ever failed at cooking so I’ve taken this very personally.

Also, just physically, everything is going downhill. I have this mysterious non-stop agonizing pain in my upper left chest area that radiates down my left arm and makes it feel weak (was checked out, it’s not my heart or lungs) and combined with my standard migraines… I feel like crap and exhausted all the time.

I’m trying to focus on the positive, for example I pretty much have my toddler, Tristan, taken care of for Christmas and we have some really amazing gifts for my oldest son, Daniel. Plus my two year marriage anniversary is coming up next week.

This week Danny starts an after school program, two days a week, to help with his reading. We are all super excited about it because that’s really the one area where he struggles. It runs through February and I am very curious to see if by the end of the program, if his reading will be noticeably improved.

Let’s see… what else…

My husband and I are back to counting calories, using MyFitnessPal after I noticed that I gained back 30lbs since September (literally the moment I left the hair salon after the salon owner completely fucked up my hair, I basically haven’t stopped eating. Totally sent me into a “shame spiral” or depression basically) and that just isn’t acceptable! I pre-cooked a ton of quinoa today to have on hand through the week, made a dinner menu plan, and sent my husband to the grocery store with Tristan to stock up on more veggies since we were almost out and of course my precious avocado.

I’ve also ordered the Zumba Core game for our Kinect. I had downloaded the trial and even Danny totally loved it! I love that it doesn’t judge you LOL! You really can’t do wrong with it as long as you’re moving consistently.

I think that’s about it really, so let me know in the comments how you’ve been doing lately!

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That sucks about your turkey. Ours was dry so that was a little disappointing.

I’m glad you’re back on track w myfitnesspal. I hope it helps you feel better w/ your symptoms.

Oh yes AND the turkey was a bit dry. I NEVER have failed with meat in general and have always made awesome juicy turkey and gravy so this is such a personal blow lol!

I don’t think losing weight will help with my insane weird pain issues but for my self-esteem? Oh it will totally help.

Joanna {Baby Gators Den}

Happy anniversary! I’m sorry it has been a rough few months. I’ve been there. Good job getting back on track though, I think My Fitness Pal is a great tool, I make sure to log in every day- even if I don’t track anything. Seems to hold me accountable. Hope things are turned around for you now. xoxo

Reply to Joanna {Baby Gators Den}

Thank you! It helps having my husband do it with me and ironically counting calories makes me cook MORE and be more creative in the kitchen. Go figure!

I cannot believe it’s been two years since you got married! Holy crap! Time flies.

I understand how depressing it is to be in bad health. I feel like I’ve been sick since the semester started. First, the cough that wouldn’t go away (still hasn’t.) Then the rib pain that won’t quit (still won’t – I’m POSITIVE I broke something and I’ve just been living in chronic pain from it for the last 6 weeks) and now I’ve got some ridiculous sore throat and and the body aches to go with it. I cannot get on top of my life when I have to spend so much time laying down, head pounding, too sick to feed myself. I wanted to get so many things done today and instead I slept the ENTIRE day. I’m over this. I want to be well again.

I feel old now LOL.

Oh see you’re a hot mess along with me! I don’t get it, why it all happens at ONE TIME. Makes me feel so useless and trapped in bed.

Sorry to hear about your turkey. I actually followed a recipe from Rachel Ray for the guys. I’ve never experimented with a brine before that. But I do know that there’s nothing worse than kitchen fails especially on the holidays. So I feel for you. :(

I hope you start feeling better soon! And I’m totally checking out that Zumba game asap!

My first real epic kitchen fail. SUCKS!


Hi there, I found your blog after I googled about bad Sephora experiences like I encountered this week. I have the honour of having gone to Sephora both fat and thin. lol I was only treated marginally better as a size 2-4 than when I was 200 pounds.

I strongly relate to the few blog posts I have read of your blog.

I wanted to tell you that even though your turkey wasn’t as perfect as you wanted it, your “failure” doesn’t make you less of a person. You are more than that! I sometimes feel so bad about myself because I don’t live up to my own expectations about baking, cooking, decorating, weight loss, beauty etc. I have tried to turn my thinking around to more self-caring. I visualize how I would feel if a close friend or family member did the same thing that I was feeling badly about. I realized I wouldn’t be disappointed in them, lose respect for them, treat them differently etc. I have been trying to treat myself better and slowly I am getting there.

On another tangent, I have the same chest pains as you describe. My doctor has said they are related to anxiety, and I have come to that realization too. I have been given ECGs, an ECG holter monitor, painkillers, massage etc. due to my left chest pain that radiates into my shoulder blade at times and causes numbness of my left arm. The pains come and go, some days it hurt all day. I take Aleve(up to 6 a day as per my doc) and assure myself they are not harmful, just painful. I have to tell you, the pain is very,very scary as I am sure you know. I also was initially diagnosed as having costochondritis in the rib bones on that side. It was later discovered that I had severe bursitis in the left shoulder. I had a cortisone shot in that shoulder to help the pain. The pain has lessened, but at stressful times, and before my period, it comes back every month. I used the Note function on my iphone to keep track of the pains. What did I eat, how was I feeling, if I was upset with myself or someone else, whether it was pms etc. It may help you take control of the pains by learning your triggers.

Good luck with managing the pain, I also gained 25 pounds when the pains got out of control. I am going to add you to my Reader! Looking forward to reading your blog.

Reply to Kate

Hi! I totally am a go big or go home sort of person. Not quite a perfectionist but not far from it either. I also take great pride in cooking and granted I didn’t make the turkey itself (my husband did it this year) I still feel awful about the gravy (logically I know the drippings were awful so that made a bad gravy) and hoping we can do a re-do soon.

Medically, they could only “guess” that it’s either nerve trauma or it could be tietze syndrome (a more rare version of costochondritis, my best friend actually has costochondritis!). They just know for sure it’s NOT my heart. Helpful right! The main is very much in my chest right at or maybe 2-3cm above my heart. It’s excruciating most days. It’s exhausting!

Thank you for commenting!


Cut carbs to lose weight. Info: http://www.reddit.com/r/keto (click “Keto in a Nutshell” for details). Cutting calories alone will leave you feeling weak or hungry. If you want to exercise you just won’t have the energy. Keto, after the initial “keto flu” of transitioning from carbs-sugar-based energy to ketones, makes most people feel very energetic. Best of luck in whatever you do.

It sounds like you have many positive things happening in the near future. Don’t let yourself dwell too much on a meal from just a singular day in your life. So many other wonderful things to dwell on!

Reply to Audrey

Actually I don’t feel weak or hungry cutting calories and cutting calories is the only thing that works for me. Even if I removed what limited carbs I eat now (some whole grains / sweet potatoes each week) I’d still be eating thousands and thousands of calories in meat and cheese. Me and portion control? Yeahhhh I’m all about my measuring cups and scale! I appreciate the resource though.

Oh LOL I’m not dwelling! Just seems like Thanksgiving is not good for us! 1st year we all got the norovirus, 2nd year my husband had to work, and this 3yr year, an epic fail of a turkey and gravy! Makes me want to skip next year!

Thankfully my turkey turned out the best I can remember after 36 years of doing it. I don’t know why, I did nothing different. So we’ll just chalk it up to luck and a good turkey. Sorry yours didn’t turn out so good. I’ve had a few of those as well. Mostly they come out being- insignificant. I got real good at making amazing leftovers out of turkey that was anything but.

Congratulations on 2 years married. The fun has just begun. It’s a roller coaster and a lot of work (at least for us). Hubby and I celebrated 30 years last April as total opposites we still wonder how that happened but know it can be done. Compromise – it isn’t as simple as it sounds.

I cannot address the weight issue except to say I’ve surrendered the war. I found focusing on food all the freaking time did nothing to help me lose it and it did a number on my mental stability and self esteem. At some point I decided to not fall prey to what anyone else thought, focused instead on what I liked about myself and after a time found myself to be a much happier, healthier person in spite of the weight. It does suck when you feel physically crappy. It makes everything so much more difficult. I do hope it passes quickly. Blessings

My first ever meat / poultry fail. Sucks for such an expensive bird! It would have been passable if the gravy didn’t end up failing as well (again a first). We’re keeping our eyes out for a turkey sale now LOL so I can re-do it!

Ahh marital compromise, not one of my finer qualities! I still have the mind-set of a single mother and it’s REALLY hard to let that go.

It takes someone with the culinary knowledge of Martha Stewart to make a not-dry turkey. Side-note, I thought you were going vegan? 2 years? For some reason I though you’d been married much longer. Congrats on 2 years though! Damn. Makes me feel all old knowing I’ve been hitched going on 8! Maybe you pinched a nerve in your upper arm? Nerve pain sucks… and hurts!

LOL this is my first ever dry turkey. EVER! I swear it was the pre-made brine. Evil stuff.

About going vegan… I updated the post here: https://onestarrynight.com/im-going-vegan-for-a-month

I wrote about it on twitter, FB, and here somewhere but it’s not my arm. I have an unknown issue in my chest by my heart. It is NOT my heart itself but the pain is agonizing and non stop. It radiates to my left shoulder and down my arm, making it weak. They aren’t sure what it is, one theory is nerve trauma, another is a more rare condition called tietze syndrome. No one knows for sure right now.


Okay so you stopped the vegan thing? Also screw that stupid turkey for ruining Thanksgiving. Stinks about the health issues but im glad youre on top of it. Good luck with the calorie counting and reading program xo

Reply to Veronica

I updated the post here: https://onestarrynight.com/im-going-vegan-for-a-month

I wouldn’t even mind the weakness in my left arm if I didn’t have the agonizing NON STOP pain in my chest that radiates through my shoulder and arm. I think the pain is a downer lol.

Nicole P.

Sorry about your clove turkey and that you’re feeling crummy.

Good luck with MyFitnessPal. I hope it helps!

Reply to Nicole P.

Thank you! I’ve done MFP on and off for… a bit over a year? When I actually DO IT, I lose weight.


I’m late, but I’m so sorry that your Turkey tuned out bad!
Good luck with the my fitness pal! I use it and love it!

Reply to LaShawn
Amanda Jillian

Aww I had a sucky Thanksgiving too.

Reply to Amanda Jillian

I have gained about 40lbs in the past 7 years or so, and my fiance did the same. We’ve recently kicked ourselves into high gear trying to lose the weight we’ve gained through being so damn comfortable with each other (and loving delicious foods!) and we bought an Xbox with Kinect. For the past few days we have been playing Dance Central 2 and, because I’m me, my lower back did something funny and now bending is difficult and painful and sucks! I’m going to have to look into Zumba Core once my back is fully functional again.


Happy Anniversary! Quinoa & myfitnesspall sounds like a plan =)

Reply to Oasis

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