Just Blah

Lately, although I will be online, I rarely blog. Seems like all of my readers have disappeared besides my friends obviously.

I got my period yesterday….first period since having chubs. It sucks.

Lately I have been getting more and more deeper in to my faith and religion. I don’t know why, maybe because I want to raise Daniel in a household that believes? Matt has said numerous times that he has no problem with me raising chubs as pagan. Even got me a book on pagan parenting.

I updated Pagan @ OSN and Pagan Voice seems to be doing well.

I am still trying to look for hostees. My current ones, after many emails from me, have bursts of activity but for the most part nothing. My newest one has blogged like 3 times in the past few weeks and when I try to IM her, she rarely responds or does the “Have to go bye!” so I lowered my age requirement to 16, perhaps the younger folks will be more happy to be hosted.

I am excited, waiting for Sage, Crystal‘s e-zine to get up and running.

I just…..want to cry sometimes….I am very very lonely. I don’t have anyone really to talk for any period of time about children, because I have such different views than most people, or paganism because not many people my age take it seriously. I just….need some friends…it’s hard not even being 21 yrs of age and having almost nothing in common with anyone.

We go to visit my family in Illinois on the 10th…I wonder how that will go? I know my sister does not agree on some of my parenting methods and my dad has made the comment of “when will he start using a bottle for water and juice” but I hope that they are understanding of my parenting skills. Ali has promised me some pagan books of hers she no longer wants and also promised to take me to the pagan shop she visits occasionaly which I am excited about because according to her it just has so much more than the little shop I go to out here.

The car is acting up. It is overheating and we can not figure out why. So we are hoping to get an appointment in to get it looked at before the trip.

I have been up since 9am yesterday morning. I am having very bad sleep issues. I am exhausted, but I only take 1-2 hour naps with chubs through out the day. I just feel guilty because I have these goals, like cleaning this room, the main bedroom, etc and I never get anything done. The weather does not help any. The humidity is what gets me. It makes my head hurt.

My 21st birthday is coming up in October, I wonder what changes will come then? Chubs will be 9 months old. Supposedly Ali and Jessica will be coming up to celebrate…maybe I can get them drunk since I will not drink obviously. I think it would be funny heh. I have a weird sense of humor sometimes.

Well, I suppose that is it for now. I may add more later if anything else pops into mind.

Remember, you can always comment on this entry, in fact, I expect it since you made the effort to get access. Aren’t I sweet heh.

*Update*
Well after being gone 4 hours. Matt came home. Informing me we are $300 short of rent. His family, which he does their grocery shopping, misc house work stuff, mows lawn, etc. Refused to give him any more. They are not giving him ANYTHING next month. I am so upset. I can not ask my family for any more money. I just got money from my dad to go towards bill and all I could do was pay part on the phone, cable, and electric bills. I had to buy chubs clothes, diapers, washcloths, and food in general. Plus weekly $40 for the fridge and chair. I am just. Lost. Ali called me from Summerfest and I know I will talk to her later or at the least she will want to this this entry. How can I tell her, guess what we might not be able to come up because we have to find some sort of means to pay just THIS month’s rent not to mention next month’s. I wish I could earn money online but I have not found any options that would pay min wage. I just do not know what to do.