Just…Everything

August 1st 2002 / 3 minutes to read

It’s sad, I know I will get a ton of emails from people wanting to read this entry and yet, my normal entries that mean a hell of a lot more to me, get ignored.
I am so beyond fustrated with everything.
We have no money for anything, I am sick of OSN and dealing with how to make it stand out among the sea of likeminded sites.
For the first time in 3 years I got 2 shirts and bottoms when I had gone to Illinois. I can’t afford the $40 for ghetto glasses that I need.
I feel so desperatly alone all the time. I try to talk to people, my family, my online friends, since all of my “real” life friends do not exsist, when I moved from Tucson, I was all but forgotten and here in Ohio….what a joke.
The only thing going for me is being a mother. Without that….I would be nothing at all.
I had started some projects here at my domain that started to do well, now, I am lucky if anyone does anything at all. I have a bunch of hostees, does anyone think to even email me or IM or just a quick “yeah thanks for hosting me” nope. I can see why Jenn decided to get a new domain and make it closed to hosting and have it totally personal.
I just…don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I have no one to really talk to. I have no place to go. It’s bad enough I have literally NO ONE to discuss my parenting beliefs on, wait, not true, I can tell people how I feel, then I get bitched at, put down, looked down at….no one feels the way I do.
I used to write… stories… poetry… anything really. I haven’t written since I was 17 years old. It just feels like my emotions, my words, have no way of escaping, as if everything is trapped within.
I am tired of people trying to tell me I am having post partum depression when I tell them how I feel. I do not have that. The only things I am depressed about is money and lack of friends/family around. Sure, I am fustrated with OSN. I really put a lot into it. Heh, I wonder what would happen if I just closed it?
Eh, I suppose its one of those things where, some sites work, some don’t. I get so fustrated so fast. I wonder why that is.
I really haven’t said much in this entry but bitching.
Well, if I think of more to add, I will.
If I actually gave you access it is because you took the time to email me for it which gives me the impression you will take the time to give me a well thought out comment.

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