Losing My Way
Vibrant has gotten off to a good start, check it out.
I think my ex missed the memo that he shouldn’t be contacting me unless it’s telling me a child support check is in the mail (considering he says that he doesn’t “want” kids and refuses to contact his son unless I “make” him… real stellar).
I even pity myself with the amount of migraines I’ve had this week. I work tomorrow but I am all cracked out on the ‘ced.
I have three loads of laundry to do, three libraries to return books to, a whole bunch of grocery shopping, and a sick child on my hands. Super mama.
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by everything. Even random stuff as the sheer number of people that surround you on the tollway. I am overly sensitive to my surroundings apparently. I didn’t use to be. I was strong. I was independant.
“I gave myself, my control, over to a person that abused it.”
I couldn’t find my strength within, I thought I had to find myself a savior. I gave myself, my control, over to a person that abused it. I lost my family, my friends, my independence, my strength, myself. I am only now realising how damaging that is. I have to find myself. Who was I? Who did I used to be? What did I used to do? I wasn’t always this sad. This stressed. I would deal and cast aside. Now I internalize. This isn’t me. This is who I was created to be. I’m trying though. Really trying to change. To let go of the weight, emotional and physical. I punished myself for other’s failures. I abused myself to relieve other’s of their misdeeds. I tried to be a martyr. I have a fabulous network of strong, unbelievably strong woman around me now. No longer will I allow myself to be disrespected to make peace, I won’t sacrifice myself to help others find balance. A year from now I will look back at this entry and want to tell myself that this pain, this path, all leads to something amazing. The struggle is worth it.
That I’m worth it.
This post is over a year old which means the content may be outdated or no longer accurate.