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I don’t know anymore. I hate how I feel. Sometimes… I sit here listening to some music, and some part of me thinks “Hey it WILL be okay” but then reality punches me in the face.

I cause the pain to myself, I really do. I am a pro at denial. Acceptance of reality? Not for me. Depression is sometimes way easier than fighting to be happy.

Amber can remember, I used to just never tolerate any crap from people. I was gutsy, I had this fire in me. I have no idea when that fire got put out. Seemed like one day I woke up and I was this shell of who I used to be.

My issue right now, at least money wise, isn’t NOT wanting to work, but I have no way to a job. My family keeps putting off switching the car title over. Which is hard because everyone put their names on it, and editing the title makes it invalid. Everything is expired on the car plus I do not have a valid drivers liscense right now, and my expired liscense isn’t even for this state.

Blah, all I seem to do is bitch and complain seems like. I don’t mean to, I really don’t.

Even though I can’t really follow most of the workout video, I will jog in place if it is something I don’t have room for, I only have maybe a 4ftx4ft area to work out, heck not even that big of a space, so I can’t skip and prance about. I also do not have hand weights. I hope my sister will take me to the library soon so I can get more videos.

Well, off to get dressed, bathed, etc. Already gave my son a bath.

posted on April 20th 2003 at 11:58AM CDT

I hate that you are feeling so low.  Complain all you feel you need to.  You need to vent somewhere.  It isn’t healthy to keep everything pinned up inside.

Have you ever considered an online business of some sort?  You have the talent and ability to set it up and operate it.

posted on April 20th 2003 at 2:48PM CDT

How about taking a bus to work?!? When you are an adult with a child, you do ANYTHING you have to to survive!! Havign no car doesn’t mean you CAN’T work!!

Hang in there!! It WILL get better!! You just have to keep working at it!! The best thigns in life don’t come easy!!

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