Musings

Right now at 10pm it’s 92 degrees. I’m not going to make much sense.

I cleared out my livejournal friends list a bit, I realised a lot of people I just… don’t communicate with sadly enough.

More and more… the closer it gets to autumn the more introspective I get. I waste so much time on looking at how my life sucks. I am trying to do better. I scoured this apartment (still need to re-do my bedroom since well what do you expect with a three year old prancing around heh) and I’m trying to get my drivers liscense situation taken care of (which will cost me around $3,000 total after all is said and done) and I just… why do I spend so much time thinking negatively? Ok true I don’t live in a perky environment and it’s very hard on me mentally and emotionally. How about online? Why do I persist in keeping any contact with people I disagree with? Why do I involve myself in their drama? No more, in the words of Jay-Z, they aren’t real to me, which means they don’t exist so *poof*.

Tonight for dinner I roasted zucchini, yellow squash, 4 kinds of bell pepper, onion, and whole tomatoes with whole wheat pasta mixed in with fresh basil and fresh mozerella with a salad that had a homemade honey mustard dressing.

I’m pondering for a new domain name, I will still keep OSN though… any suggestions?

I just need all these changes in my life. I need to reconnect spiritually. I need to stop drinking soda altogether (I really need suggestions on how to do this I can’t stand diet pops so making that transition doesn’t help much), I need to eat better and stop boredom eating. I need to be more responsible with my money. I need to connect with myself instead of feeling so lost. I used to know who I was, I didn’t put up with crap, now I am meek, scared, I eat to keep myself from feeling any real emotions.

I need changes.