Processing the Negative: Pregnancy and Upcoming Birth #2
It’s interesting how sudden I lost the ability to think, to write. I’m sure this is partly due to the fact that my due date with baby boy #2 is NEXT FRIDAY. Sounds more scary that way, doesn’t it? I feel so unprepared and I can’t quite put my finger on “why?”. I guess I was a bit resigned to the very real possibility that my oldest son was going to be an only child, oh and I still haven’t packed a bag, installed the car seat, do not have enough cloth diapers, etc.
It’s also interesting, when I look back on this particular pregnancy, the cloud of anger and negative attitudes I’ve received.
My former place of employment pretty much threw a fit, (I was hauled in almost daily to “discuss” my pregnancy), I lost pretty much every single friend, (or so-called apparently), I was told OFTEN especially in the first trimester by employees I didn’t even KNOW that I had “options” to “deal” with the pregnancy. I found it so highly offensive considering when I found out I was 27yrs of age, in a solid relationship, working full-time, oh and already was a mother! That’s not even to get into the comments by the management…
I’ve had to deal with such negative and mis-informed thoughts/opinions/attitudes about the birth from family and the few friends I have left. Yes, it’s a big list:
- NOT letting my newborn be given eye drops (they are used to “treat” the baby’s eyes if the mother has a STD) was illegal
- Without having the medical profession TELL me, command me, to push that my body literally wouldn’t know how
- It’s not possible to birth without being on your back
- I would have to (god forbid) sign waivers if I declined the HepB vax (my baby isn’t born shooting heroin/having sex)
- That waiting to go to the hospital for my VBAC would 100% result in the baby being born in the car
- Having a VBAC would automatically mean my uterus would rupture, so why try
- I should have a repeat c-section, because it’s selfish of me to not “choose” my baby’s birthday
- I was told I can’t handle pain, I would “need” the epidural because of how I was after having the c-section & gallbladder removal surgeries. Because labor and birth are exactly like major abdominal surgery apparently.
- That I am “idealizing” the birth, because “what if?!” the baby presents with his hand by his face, his heartrate drops, etc. That I haven’t “prepared” for every single possibility. Somehow my having a VBAC makes all the “what if’s” certain events.
Actually there is a ton more but even just going over those make me testy. I’ve not even gone into all of the actual parenting crap that has been spouted at me regarding breastfeeding, no circ, co-sleeping, no vaccinating, cloth diaper, etc. I really REALLY do not get how people can even TALK to me about breastfeeding in a negative way (for those who know me personally) especially considering my son NEVER had a drop of formula, no bottles, no pacifiers, and self-weaned himself at 4yr. I think I can handle breastfeeding another child the same way. I also don’t understand why anyone would think I would change the way I parent in general.
Oh yes, I am a bit with the rage. What makes it ok for ANYONE to spout crap without doing any research? An “opinion” isn’t FACT.
Sigh. Generally I try to not let it get to me, but lately that’s proven to be very difficult. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have the full support from my boyfriend and son. I know at the end of the day that’s all I really need.
When did it become ok, and even applauded, to attack someone for not being mainstream? Has anyone else dealt with being shunned, verbally attacked, etc, for the way you parent?
This post is over a year old which means the content may be outdated or no longer accurate.