Rambling

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It’s hard sometimes to write when I feel like I’m speaking to the void. I get it; nowadays, people may read, but generally, no one comments. I can’t help it. Old habits, I suppose.

Since I last posted, I had my birthday on October 17th and got my twin sister a custom engraved heart keychain. One side has our mother’s handwriting, and the other has our father’s handwriting.

I also got new glasses for the first time in years on October 19th and found out I now, 25 years too early, have cataracts and need to see an eye surgeon. So my new glasses have to have trifocal or “progressive” lenses in them to try and help me see a bit better. Stress has taken such a toll on my health.

Later that same day, a teen backed her car into my car in the Trader Joe’s parking lot while I was parked and sitting in my car. It’s a whole situation with her father that’s still ongoing over two weeks later.

On October 25th, it would have been my father’s 73rd birthday. No, I have not even begun the grieving process for either parent.

I don’t know how to. I am still numb and emotionless. It concerns me somewhat that my “this isn’t real” feeling while intellectually understanding and grasping what happened isn’t normal. I say that and hear my twin say, “You’re the definition of Complicated Grief.” Still, I don’t know what to do.

I’m super stressed about the credit card debt that I incurred dealing with both parents’ deaths and situations. My “household allowance” that I’m permitted covers the minimum payment but not enough to put any real dent in it.

I had over two months of random conversations, after ten years of no contact, with my oldest son’s biological father, who messaged me on Facebook. He never asked about my son, and finally, the day before my birthday, I brought it up. His response? He felt that over the last ten years, it should have been my responsibility to have my son reach out to him between the ages of 11-21. I can’t even. He refused to give me a phone number, refused to have a phone call, and refused my Facebook friend request. I tried to be friendly, and my son has no interest in a relationship with his biological father. Closure, I suppose.

I decided to decorate my Kindle Paperwhite as a birthday gift to myself. I used a clear case, stickers, and a PopSocket. I got this super cute sleeve for it from Etsy to keep it safe.

I’ve been trying to get back into reading, as I’ve been unable to read much this year or focus in general. I did, however, devour the ACOTAR – A Court of Thorns and Roses – series. I highly recommend it!

Do you have a Kindle? What books, physical or digital, are you reading currently? Any book recommendations in general?