Really Fustrated

I am beyond fustrated right now. I called so many places, emailed so many places, and either they aren’t hiring or no response back. I don’t have the transportation to work two hours away. I do not have anyone here to take me to these places that ARE hiring to apply and interview. I feel so utterly alone right now. I look at my sleeping son, and wonder how the hell I managed to get into this situation. I feel like the skills I do have are pointless. Why did I teach myself html, css, all of that jazz? Why did I teach myself about computers? It’s all pointless. The really sad thing is that I just want to help people. I love websites, I love the internet. I see some of the local buisness websites and want to cry. I want to fix them. A few months ago I actually called and emailed some of them. Just asking if they needed someone to help with their sites. I even (when my sister was still here and would drive me places) asked at a local shop about their website and got the cold shoulder. Yet they wonder why they recieve little or no actual business through their sites. How can I say nicely “I’m sorry but your website sucks. Neon purple against neon blue is not what end users want to see”

I am rambling I know.

It’s sad when I can’t even get a job at the local fast food places. Apparently they want the highschool students, not a young mother. Even in the mall. They want to hire people who will purchase their merchandise. Not people who need to support their families.

I really am trying not to sink under all of these thoughts. I am trying to keep the hope that I will get hired somewhere. I am trying not to think that 7 months the lease is up and we will have to move. Most likely out of this state to somewhere more affordable. I am trying not to have a panic attack that I will have no where to go with my son.

I feel like I am not making any sense. I am just so utterly stressed out right now. I feel so pressured. Even with my “peer” domains out there. I can’t compete with them. I have a child. I have different beliefs. I don’t understand people having fights over whose Iframe and “vector” is more original.

Ugh. I need to stop now before I sound totally crazy.

I did however, open the Services Section so if anyone wants to check that out, by all means.

On the plus side, Daniel is getting better about doing small sentences. Today it was “Hey mine!” (he was saying that because I had moved the apples lol)

I need to get centered somehow. I am not normally this tense and pissy. I am normally a quite perky glittery person. Really. Some of y’all might remember the days where I would laugh for hours on end. I was a happy person.

Centering. Oh yes. Must schedule that in.