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Oh No {S}he Didn’t #1

At first I couldn’t think of WHAT to write. Keith hasn’t done anything to upset me, in fact he majorly cleaned and mopped the kitchen all day yesterday! Then early this morning I made the unwise decision to check my phone for any new messages or emails.

Now most of you know I have a fragile relationship with my family. I don’t have ANY relationship with my mother, a limited one with my brother, and an on/off again one with my twin sister.

This particular post is about an interaction with my twin sister.

My sister has two babysitters. A female babysitter and a male babysitter. The male babysitter watchers her daughter on Fridays. This pertains to the story.

A month or so ago she asked if I could babysit her toddler daughter on the 23rd of this month. I agreed. Plans changed and she no longer needed me to babysit. Ok not a problem.

This morning I get a text message “reminding” me that she had a doctors appointment on Friday. I wasn’t sure why I was being reminded so I sent back a quick “ok?” hoping she would explain why I needed this information.

She TOLD me I was on babysitter duty. Not asked. Never made solid prior plans. TOLD me.

See I have a huge issue with this. Being a SAHM does NOT equal automatic babysitter just because I’m “at home all day”.

The paraphrased convo gleaned from the actual texts:

Me We never discussed that. I am under the impression Friday’s is male babysitter day.
Her I have the day off because of the doctor appt. We discussed this over a month ago.
Me No. It was never discussed. I’m feeling a bit used because you haven’t reciprocated to watch DS1 or do any activities with him.
Her So you won’t watch her now?
Me We never had any agreement. You just ignored everything I just said. My being a SAHM doesn’t mean I am a babysitter when you demand it.
Her I have watched DS1 more times than I can count.

Now see this is where I start to get a bit upset. She has not only TOLD me I will be watching her child, but insulted me, ignored what I said, didn’t say if the male babysitter cancelled or if she told him not to watch her this particular day, but then to insinuate she has babysat for me?

Granted, she had my son while I was in labor with the baby and kept him at her apartment while I was in the hospital recovering from the 2nd c-section. She also (a few years ago) had him spend one night at her apartment. She also has invited him to go with her to her future MIL’s place for a vacation. I don’t see how ANY of that compares to the current situation.

In the conversation she proceeded to tell me that I was causing drama with her because I don’t want to watch her daughter. That I will drop out of her wedding (not sure how that came up), that I hate my family, that I was verbally slamming her, oh and this classic line:

“How do you expect me to keep forgiving you for always bailing?”

Oh. No. She. Didn’t.

I literally stopped responding after that awful passive aggressive provoking from her.

Now normally I don’t post much about my family because it just hurts for the most part but I needed to vent!

How the heck does one even RESPOND to a situation like this? Was I wrong for not being a doormat and just accepting my apparent SAHM babysitter fate? Or was she wrong in TELLING me I was babysitting without prior discussion and then putting me down?

So for those of you with not so good relationships with your sister, brother, mother, father, whomever it is, PLEASE share in the comments something that made YOU go “Oh No {S}he Didn’t!”!

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posted on April 27th 2010 at 3:49PM CDT

I would tell her to take a flying leap. That is messed up! How can she just forget that she told you that she didn’t need you to babysit!

posted on April 27th 2010 at 5:01PM CDT

Well that was for last Friday. My best guess because she knows my memory sucks that I rely on everything being texted or emailed (as you know lol), that she would “tell” me I had to babysit this Friday hoping I would simply believe her verbally even know all contact I have about this Friday shows I never agreed since her male babysitter watches her child on Fridays. Meh.

posted on April 27th 2010 at 3:55PM CDT

Um, you’re a twin? I didn’t know that.

Ughg… I totally get it. Stupid family drama. My “Oh No She Didn’t” was when my mother emailed me on my honeymoon and told me that my entire family wished she had aborted me.

I haven’t spoken to her since then. That was over 4 years ago. And I never plan on speaking to her again. She was toxic all the way up until that point anyway.

posted on April 27th 2010 at 5:03PM CDT

Yep fraternal! She is two minutes older.

Ah I am sadly familiar with the whole “I wish I had an abortion with you!” my mother said that often to me even as a child. No wonder I’m screwed up lol.

posted on April 27th 2010 at 4:01PM CDT

I’m not taking her side at ALL, but I do think this is one of those situations where I wonder what would happen with a different approach. This is the source of 100% of my parents’ fights: Regardless of which party is right, you both put up the defensive. I just wonder what she would have said if your first response was, “Did the male babysitter bail on you?”

That said – you’re clearly in the right as she never asked and SHE is definitely the one who shouldn’t be jumping all over you. I mean, you’re the one catering to her need, she should be appreciative you’re there at all family or not.

posted on April 27th 2010 at 5:05PM CDT

See I looked back at old texts and IM chats and she had said she was hoping the male babysitter would take her to the doctor so she wouldn’t have to drive as a precaution so I know he will still be there.

If she had simply ASKED instead of “telling” me I would never have gotten so upset.

posted on April 27th 2010 at 5:57PM CDT

For sure. Even if she HAD asked before and you had just forgotten she should still be nice about it!

posted on April 28th 2010 at 1:29PM CDT

Right! I went through all the emails/texts/IM chats from the past 30 days and she mentions the DR appointment, mentions she wants the male babysitter to take her to the appt, but nothing about ASKING me to babysit.

posted on April 27th 2010 at 4:39PM CDT

Not sure why her panties are in a twist, but whatever. Maybe its just another thing piled on to her feeling like she’s being put in the “middle” of you and your mom. (BTW didn’t know you were a twin!)

She’s just being a pain. Obviously she doesn’t remember your previous conversation. Granted she may have a lot on her mind but that doesn’t give her any right to be all uppity to you who didn’t do anything. Definitely don’t take any crap from her and you were right to just stop texting after that. No need to drag it further.

I’m sorry your family situation is not so great. I’ve had some issues with my big sister in the past but luckily my family is on pretty good terms all around. I have a wonderful relationship with my mother and it always upsets me to see others (especially women) who don’t have good relations with theirs.

Lots of love and hugs! <3

posted on April 28th 2010 at 1:30PM CDT


Yeah I didn’t respond after her obvious way to upset me.

I am SO jealous you have such a great relationship with your family! Thankfully I seem to have formed my own little tight knit family with the boyfriend and our boys!

posted on April 27th 2010 at 4:39PM CDT

Holy moly! You know, it’s times like these when I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have a sister.
How rude of her to forget that she totally let you off the hook for babysitting and then have the nerve to treat you like a doormat. While it’s true that there are times when (as a sister) you should suck it up and help out, it’s never okay to be taken advantage of because of your SAHM status. At some point, it needs to be made clear that your life does not revolve around the needs of anyone outside your home. It sucks that it resulted in an arguement, but I’m sure she’ll get over it. Perhaps you could give her a taste of her own medicine!
Thanks for stopping by, playing along and linking your post up. I’d love for you to come back and play again next week. I’m sure at some point, some idiot in the world will make you stop and say…”OH NO HE DIDN’T!” Have a great day.

posted on April 28th 2010 at 1:34PM CDT

She let me off for the 23rd, which is the ONLY day we agreed I would babysit. Actually I would never had KNOWN that I was “let off” until I contacted her to CONFIRM the date. She was just going to let me stay at home all day thinking she was dropping her child off instead of contacting me and letting me specifically know that it was canceled.

Then to try and get me to watch her THIS Friday by TELLING me I had to otherwise I was (per the text) a bad sister and a bad aunt if I said no.

Insane really.

parenting BY dummies
posted on April 27th 2010 at 6:06PM CDT

I wish I could help you. I have a great relationship with my family members. Guess I’m lucky like that. I can commiserate with the SAHM expectation aspect. My neighbors, my kids’ classmates, and family friends all volunteer me to help them out since I’m “gonna be home anyway”.

posted on April 28th 2010 at 2:25PM CDT

So jealous that you have a great family relationship! That must be so wonderful!

Oh yes. Apparently being a SAHM means becoming a single entity with the house lol.

posted on April 27th 2010 at 6:25PM CDT

I can’t believe that! I feel like sometimes family members have a sense of entitlement. Irritating but true.

posted on April 28th 2010 at 2:35PM CDT

I couldn’t agree more!

posted on May 1st 2010 at 5:11PM CDT

Wow, sounds like you and your sister have an awesome relationship. Does she, by any chance, feel that you are subordinate to her?

I don’t have an Oh No She Didn’t that I can think of, but I have an Oh No He Didn’t.

My father, although being invited to my wedding and offered a FREE plane ticket and stay, declined and stopped answering his phone calls not only until the day of the wedding, but even afterward. He didn’t offer an explanation. At our reception at home, which was just a get together, he didn’t show up and didn’t call. He didn’t even answer my calls leading up to and afterward. Haven’t talked to him since and don’t plan to.

Found you through Sits. Love your pictures ;)

You have a new follower!

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