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I finally sucked it up and went to my doctor to get a full work up to see what’s wrong with me. I haven’t had an actual physical in over 15 years. I normally only see a doctor if I end up in the ER for one reason or another (typically my migraines).

After talking to her about all my crazy symptoms and how I’m at the end of my rope she said I pretty much have almost every single symptom of classic hypothyroidism (which my mother also has) and that she believes my chest pain that I have had since November and my stomach pain are physical manifestations from anxiety and stress.

I then needed to have my blood drawn to confirm the thyroid diagnosis and she wants to do a full panel since I haven’t been to a doctor for a work up in so many years to make sure there are no other underlying issues.

Thus began the adventure of my crappy veins.

I explained right away that since my first episode of mono back in 1999, I was told my veins would always be bad, and they have been. It’s super difficult to draw blood from me, go figure.

My right inner elbow wouldn’t even pop up a vein so she tried my right hand and each vein would either collapse or not bleed out. Same with my left hand… and left inner elbow. So we gave up and I went back the next day to try again and after two tries in my left inner elbow again, I managed to be just juicy enough to finally offer up enough blood for the tests. My hands and arms are super tender and bruised up right now. However the woman that tried so hard to draw my blood? ADORE HER. Seriously, she reminded me so much of my best friend, Mary, that it made the process easier to deal with.

So for the other side of things, the anxiety and stress? It’s not my husband, not my kids, but how I feel about my weight (which apparently is most likely due to my shitty thyroid) and realizing that no matter how much I try, I seem to be unable to have a healthy relationship with my twin sister.

Just recently she posted on her Facebook that:

“It is surprising that those I thought would care and help the most…have actually made things more difficult, while those who didn’t have a lot of time were more than willing to bend over backwards to see me achieve this goal.

I seriously love you folks that and have helped!! And those that tried to hinder my progress, I’m sorry that you didn’t want to see me achieve my awesome potential.”

I originally was not able to see this status, was only aware of it after people started messaging me about it and then suddenly I could see it. I was already aware that she was telling people that she feels I “owe” her (not sure for what exactly?), and I brought up in my previous post that I discovered that she was not only putting me down to my face but to other people as well about my weight… but this? Felt like a slap in the face.

It kills me because just this year alone… I’ve watched her daughter at my house, financially (my husband and I) have spent around $500 on shoes for her, her daughter, clothing for her daughter, grooming care (makeup, mani, pedi, eyebrow wax), gas for her car, almost two months worth of groceries, dinner / lunches at restaurants, etc. We did this for her because I felt like maybe THIS TIME it would be different. This time she would appreciate it. (I know when I was a single mother for seven years with Daniel that I would have fallen over with gratitude if I got even a smidgen of that kind of help.)

All the while listening to her tell me directly to my face that “no one” helps her, that she helps “everyone” but no one helps her EVER, that her ex-fiance should pay more child support or offer more financial help (while putting him down to others or putting his current fiance, who watches / parents / cares for her daughter more than she does / down and takes advantage of them) or how our father should be paying her car off, rent, gas money, etc, simply because he “can afford to”. That people should, without expecting her to do any favors in return, drive an hour and a half ONE WAY to watch her daughter until almost midnight, simply because if they don’t well then… they apparently are hindering her potential and aren’t really there for her.

I’m tired of her bragging about binge drinking and smoking / getting high. I’m tired of her talking to other men while she’s supposed to be in a relationship. I’m tired of not being able to even consider her as even an emergency contact for myself or my kids. That if there was a true emergency? She’d be the last person I’d call because she wouldn’t be there for me (this I know for a fact after asking her to watch my kids when we had to go to the ER for my husband a couple of months ago and she told me she was busy with her friend “find someone else, I don’t want to make the drive”).

Am I stressed out, angry, sad, feeling stupid that I let her have this power over me AGAIN? Um. Yes. Big time.

So there’s that… same old crap really.

Any resources you could share with me about hypothyroidism and weight loss and even how to naturally help anxiety would be super appreciated.

And to make this post not so much of a downer / me venting… the absolutely most amazing song mash up in history (been listening on repeat for over a week now much to the dismay of my husband!)!!!!!

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posted on March 23rd 2013 at 6:47PM CDT

I have anxiety and stress issues too. Mostly I listen to healing music (designed to relieve stress and promote healing) at least an hour or two each day. Some days I’m better about that than others, but I do find that it helps if I listen to it regularly, particularly before I go to bed.

I have a couple of articles I wrote about healing music that you can look at… the second one has a list of all the albums I own and use (grouped by what condition they help), and there are a few YouTube videos with samples you can play. The first one also has a video for an album called Solfeggio Harmonics, which I’ve been trying out; there’s also a link there to the YouTube playlist where you can hear the entire album. I’m probably going to buy that one soon but I don’t want to spend the money right now (my air filter died last week and replacing it blew my discretionary budget for a month or more). Here’s the links:

I’ve got one other article about some other products I use — a massage book, herbal tea, etc — but the music is what I use the most since it’s easiest. :-)

(Full disclosure: I get a 4% commission if you buy something using one of my links, which all go to Amazon. It’s not much, but I just wanted to be honest about it.)

I hope there’s something here that helps you. Healing Mind System 2.0 has been a lifesaver for me. I’ve had a few times when I was so upset and couldn’t stop crying, and that album is what finally calmed me down. I have no idea how it works, but I’m so grateful to have it.

I hope you feel better soon! :::hugs:::

posted on March 24th 2013 at 10:44AM CDT

I’ll be checking out those links today!

posted on March 23rd 2013 at 7:00PM CDT

Oh, you might also try this clearing exercise:

http://www.healingcancernaturally.com/clearing-balancing-energyfield.html

I do the first part (the sieving visualization) now & then — it’s supposed to help clear negative energy. I generally feel better after I do it.

Now that I’m thinking about it more, I wouldn’t be surprised if your sister is literally draining energy from you, a bit like a leech. I don’t know if you’ve ever read about energy vampires, but I had a friend who did that to me once. I don’t think she realized she was doing it — she was having a lot of health issues at the time — but I eventually realized what was happening and severed the energy link between us. This page has the “bridge” exercise that my Reiki master recommended to me and that I used to successfully break the link: http://healing.about.com/cs/energyhealing/a/cutcords.htm You might try it and see if you feel anything happen. My instructor didn’t tell me what to expect but I definitely felt a reaction, which really convinced me that the connection had been real.

posted on March 24th 2013 at 10:45AM CDT

YES to the energy “vampire”!!!! Exactly! I’ll totally be trying that cutting cord exercise out!!

Amber
posted on March 23rd 2013 at 8:39PM CDT

Oh Sari, I’ve seen this cycle between you and your sis so many times throughout the years…. I’m sorry. It’s just awful…. *hugs*

posted on March 24th 2013 at 10:46AM CDT

I feel stupid that I keep letting it happen. It not only affects me anymore but my kids as well. Daniel is DONE with her and has been since she embarrassed him at his school open house back in September. He says “mom she’ll never change, you’re only good to her when she needs your money”. How is it an 11 yr old can see that but I can’t? Ugh!

posted on March 24th 2013 at 10:23AM CDT

{{{hugs}}} your sister sure is some piece of work. how’d you turn out normal!??? ;) <3 u.

posted on March 24th 2013 at 10:47AM CDT

AHHAHAHA seriously!!!! I don’t think ANYONE expected, especially during my teen years, that I’d end up the responsible / married with two kids / type LOL!

posted on March 24th 2013 at 3:37PM CDT

you’ve done fantastic, imho.

as for the stress, i know all too well the aches and pains it causes. :(

posted on March 24th 2013 at 1:18PM CDT

Stress sucks, I know that first hand and I hate it. It’s horrible. I feel for you. Hugs. I also have not a sister but a friend like that. Says no one helps her, even though I did a ton for her and her kids. But that’s what some people are. It sucks. It also sucks when people don’t want to help you when you need it.

posted on March 25th 2013 at 11:53AM CDT

I am still in “mind blown” mode because I just do not understand it ONE SINGLE BIT.

posted on May 11th 2013 at 3:05PM CDT

Don’t try to understand it.

Carrie
posted on April 8th 2013 at 6:47PM CDT

I am really sorry to hear about your health.. It’s not good to stress but I cannot say too much because I suffer from abdominal and back pain due to stress and anxiety as well. My fiancee actually gets on me every chance she gets. I cannot help it! It seems like I was born naturally stressed or something. Of course it gets annoying and I want to stop but I can’t. :(

posted on April 9th 2013 at 7:32PM CDT

Oh yes, I don’t know HOW to “relax”. I don’t know how to turn my brain off… which is a huge issue with my insomnia. I keep hoping that eventually I’ll “grow out of it” but here I am… 31 years old and still with the same issues lol.

posted on May 18th 2013 at 2:15PM CDT

Darn, daughter is waking but you MUST read The Last Best Cure by Donna Jackson Nakazawa

And do an adrenal test for cortisol – http://crunchychewymama.com/index.php/a-snapshot-of-health/

I totally feel ya! I think it’s all about the stress — and how your body has learned to handle it, or not, with food a close second.
Oh, and read Balance Your Hormones, Balance Your Life by Claudia Welch http://drclaudiawelch.com/

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