I finally sucked it up and went to my doctor to get a full work up to see what’s wrong with me. I haven’t had an actual physical in over 15 years. I normally only see a doctor if I end up in the ER for one reason or another (typically my migraines).
After talking to her about all my crazy symptoms and how I’m at the end of my rope she said I pretty much have almost every single symptom of classic hypothyroidism (which my mother also has) and that she believes my chest pain that I have had since November and my stomach pain are physical manifestations from anxiety and stress.
I then needed to have my blood drawn to confirm the thyroid diagnosis and she wants to do a full panel since I haven’t been to a doctor for a work up in so many years to make sure there are no other underlying issues.
Thus began the adventure of my crappy veins.
I explained right away that since my first episode of mono back in 1999, I was told my veins would always be bad, and they have been. It’s super difficult to draw blood from me, go figure.
My right inner elbow wouldn’t even pop up a vein so she tried my right hand and each vein would either collapse or not bleed out. Same with my left hand… and left inner elbow. So we gave up and I went back the next day to try again and after two tries in my left inner elbow again, I managed to be just juicy enough to finally offer up enough blood for the tests. My hands and arms are super tender and bruised up right now. However the woman that tried so hard to draw my blood? ADORE HER. Seriously, she reminded me so much of my best friend, Mary, that it made the process easier to deal with.
So for the other side of things, the anxiety and stress? It’s not my husband, not my kids, but how I feel about my weight (which apparently is most likely due to my shitty thyroid) and realizing that no matter how much I try, I seem to be unable to have a healthy relationship with my twin sister.
Just recently she posted on her Facebook that:
“It is surprising that those I thought would care and help the most…have actually made things more difficult, while those who didn’t have a lot of time were more than willing to bend over backwards to see me achieve this goal.
I seriously love you folks that and have helped!! And those that tried to hinder my progress, I’m sorry that you didn’t want to see me achieve my awesome potential.”
I originally was not able to see this status, was only aware of it after people started messaging me about it and then suddenly I could see it. I was already aware that she was telling people that she feels I “owe” her (not sure for what exactly?), and I brought up in my previous post that I discovered that she was not only putting me down to my face but to other people as well about my weight… but this? Felt like a slap in the face.
It kills me because just this year alone… I’ve watched her daughter at my house, financially (my husband and I) have spent around $500 on shoes for her, her daughter, clothing for her daughter, grooming care (makeup, mani, pedi, eyebrow wax), gas for her car, almost two months worth of groceries, dinner / lunches at restaurants, etc. We did this for her because I felt like maybe THIS TIME it would be different. This time she would appreciate it. (I know when I was a single mother for seven years with Daniel that I would have fallen over with gratitude if I got even a smidgen of that kind of help.)
All the while listening to her tell me directly to my face that “no one” helps her, that she helps “everyone” but no one helps her EVER, that her ex-fiance should pay more child support or offer more financial help (while putting him down to others or putting his current fiance, who watches / parents / cares for her daughter more than she does / down and takes advantage of them) or how our father should be paying her car off, rent, gas money, etc, simply because he “can afford to”. That people should, without expecting her to do any favors in return, drive an hour and a half ONE WAY to watch her daughter until almost midnight, simply because if they don’t well then… they apparently are hindering her potential and aren’t really there for her.
I’m tired of her bragging about binge drinking and smoking / getting high. I’m tired of her talking to other men while she’s supposed to be in a relationship. I’m tired of not being able to even consider her as even an emergency contact for myself or my kids. That if there was a true emergency? She’d be the last person I’d call because she wouldn’t be there for me (this I know for a fact after asking her to watch my kids when we had to go to the ER for my husband a couple of months ago and she told me she was busy with her friend “find someone else, I don’t want to make the drive”).
Am I stressed out, angry, sad, feeling stupid that I let her have this power over me AGAIN? Um. Yes. Big time.
So there’s that… same old crap really.
Any resources you could share with me about hypothyroidism and weight loss and even how to naturally help anxiety would be super appreciated.
And to make this post not so much of a downer / me venting… the absolutely most amazing song mash up in history (been listening on repeat for over a week now much to the dismay of my husband!)!!!!!