Why is it getting worse? Why do I keep dreaming about it? Thinking about it? Why can’t I get a break?
Daniel is okay, a bit more clingy, but overall does not seem to notice much going on. He had his first bath yesterday, with the help of my sister, without… his father. He has never been in the tub without him. He seemed to have liked it, at least considering my sister had to back up about 3ft to avoid drowning from Daniel splashing.
I really would appreciate if someone could create me a bright layout. I can not even view my own site. I can not read my own entries. A design for OSN and one perhaps for a portal page so I do not have to read my site to see updated links and what not.
I am just… I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can not function. I need… something… validation… a male I can trust… something.
I would like to thank everyone for their support. I have a very hard, very painful, very long road ahead of me. I really need everyone to stick by me, even if you get bored of me talking about all of this all of the time.
I would like to thank those who have phone called me, Mary, Jenn, Crystal. Those who helped me stay online, to at the very least, release some of what I feel. Crys and Keli, thank you for helping me pay to keep the phone on.
Speaking of the phone, for the next 3 Thursdays, I need to make a $30 payment, the week after, a $10 payment. I dread the phone bill that will be from this month, with all of the calls I made, long distance and local. I will deal with that when it comes I suppose.
I desperately need new clothes for Daniel, and a couple of new covers/AIO. I hate asking people for things. I would appreciate if anyone could just… get my son something, anything.
You know what gets me in tears in a second? Thinking of the day when my son asks me why his daddy didn’t love him, why his daddy left, when my son takes his first steps, says his first sentence, all of those firsts.
I can’t get my thoughts to work. I can’t pick one constant thought out of the din going through my head. Just when I think, hey, I am not crying. It all comes back to me full force. Like someone punched me in the stomach.
Please, just… someone. Take this away from me. Make this a nightmare and let me wake up.
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