I need someone to talk to, but then, whenever the oppertunity arrives i have nothing to say. maybe this is a sign. matt is still not back…nor called…nor contacted me in any way shape or form….but this should be good practice when i move right? at least i know how i will feel for the most part….anger…pure anger…..then denial……then just sorrow….yep sorrow….thats what i call it when aol can cut me offline and send me into hysterics…..or when i can hardly stand to listen to my mp3s because yes….hysterics….im in a haze right now…crossing the hysterics and the what if syndrome. what if theres been some sort of accident and no one knows who to contact? or maybe he just does NOT want to come back because well im here? ny nerves are so raw im literally shaking, im sure people wonder why is someone like this online? because what else am i to do? sleep? tried that its hard because i am left with all my thoughts which is a bad bad thing. and im not too fond of tv, so thats not an “out” for me…..i feel so utterly and completely alone right now.
April 16th 2001