Remember when I posted about how I’m sad? Things have improved a bit.

I make an effort every day to clean, do laundry, take the boys out (even if it’s just to Starbucks for a Pumpkin Spice Latte), and being productive really does help.

However it’s so difficult not to slide back into that depression.

My twin sister, last night, told me I was no longer welcome in her life. Because I am not “supportive” of her attempts to force her ex-fiance back into a relationship with her. I know my past influences how I feel about her situation. She very much reminds me of how Matt tried to force a relationship with me and look how that turned out! This is two weeks before our birthday. I can’t remember the last birthday we celebrated together actually.

I talked it over with my best friend and with Keith last night and discovered this may be for the best for ME. This is my “easy out” so to speak. I no longer will be told that because of my weight I am a failure at life. To have snide remarks made about the way I parent or about my children. I won’t have to explain to my children that no, she STILL doesn’t want to come over or spend time with us. I won’t be used as a manipulative weapon against our parents.

I am still mourning the IDEA of what our relationship should have been like however, this isn’t anything new. Most people who know me are aware that we’ve rarely if ever gotten along. Just two completely different people personality wise. I accept this change.

I have a lot of positives going on right now. I’ve lost a total of twenty pounds since July. Slow going and I have my moments where I binge on food but I am accountable for it and I don’t let it get out of control.

My kids have an amazing “aunt” in our friend. They have a fantastic father. I will be married, most likely before the end of November.

I promise I will try to blog more often, but like most bloggers, I fall into the trap of “what to write about” as I really don’t do much daily and I am more of the quiet type when it comes to controversial posts heh.

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Danielle
posted on October 4th 2010 at 3:52PM CST

YAY! It sounds like you have a ton of great things going on in your life.
Honestly, I wish I lived closer, because I would be another crazy aunt for the boys! It sounds like this is best for everyone though. I have a brother who is a real douchebag. I tried to have a relationship with him for years and really just realized my life is probably much better WITHOUT him.

You are an awesome Mom, and woman, you don’t need someone else putting you down and telling you otherwise. Those toxic influences need to be gone!

posted on October 4th 2010 at 3:56PM CST

Thank you! Oh yes, I don’t have much of a relationship with my brother but that’s more do to our upbringing and like I said on twitter last night, my family is HARDCORE MAINSTREAM and I’m… not.

Thank you so much!!

Keeshi
posted on October 4th 2010 at 4:47PM CST

I too think it’s for the best that she finally decided to cut ties. It saves you the trouble and now she can’t be all “well YOU’RE the one who ditched ME” and make all sorts of new drama over it. Though I’m sure at one point, when she decides it’s in HER best interests to have you back in her life she’ll try to wiggle her way back in. I just hope it doesn’t come at a weak point in yours. <3

I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm picking myself up as well by doing a lot of the same things. Trying to focus on the positives and forcing myself to be productive. I'm glad it's working out for you, you deserve to be happy.

posted on October 4th 2010 at 9:34PM CST

I know a lot of people think this is just a phase and that eventually I will accept her back but I can’t. Just like with our mother. I need to step back and focus on MY family.

Oh yes, being productive TOTALLY helps. I now wish I had an espresso maker though… I think that would SUPER help in my productivity LOL!

Joni Rae
posted on October 4th 2010 at 6:17PM CST

(((((((((HUG)))))))))

posted on October 4th 2010 at 9:38PM CST

{{{hugs}} THANK YOU!

posted on October 4th 2010 at 7:44PM CST

Sarah – I feel so sad for you. I couldn’t imagine treating my sister the way your sister treats you. You are a beautiful, amazing, successful woman and mother no matter what anyone else tries to tell you to bring you down. She really must not have a positive self image if she’s constantly putting you down. I hope you find every happiness in life that you deserve! ((HUGS))

posted on October 4th 2010 at 10:15PM CST

Thank you so much. I found out information tonight… that she blames me for EVERYTHING. So really, I’ve mourned the IDEA of the relationship and I’m just going to accept it like I did with my estranged relationship with my mother. It’s just how it is basically right!

posted on October 4th 2010 at 7:54PM CST

I’m glad you’re focusing on the positive aspects of your life. That’s amazing that you’ve lost 20 pounds since July — that’s such an accomplishment!!! Give yourself a big pat on the back for that one! And of course, it’s just wonderful that you and Keith are doing so well and are getting married.

Maybe some day your sister will be able to resolve her issues and have a better relationship with you.

posted on October 4th 2010 at 10:04PM CST

Thank you! I’m doing WeightWatchers again but not eating anything that’s artificial really.

OH yes. Daniel is THRILLED. He’s been saying for about a year now that he wants to be a “Vincent” lol.

I think this was the last straw with my sister, it’s too much for me to deal with.

Penny
posted on October 5th 2010 at 6:34AM CST

I’m sorry you and your sister don’t get along. I don’t get along very well with any of my sisters. We try but something always comes up and we always end up fighting. I’ve pretty much given up.

It’s great to have friends though, because you get to choose them and if you’re lucky you’ll find a great one, and it sounds like you have.

posted on October 6th 2010 at 1:12AM CST

Yep I’ve given up as well! It’s TOO much stress and it’s just way too high maintenance for me to deal with anymore.

Damita
posted on October 5th 2010 at 9:35AM CST

I think you are right to leave that reletionship *hugs* you don’t need negative people in your life *hugs*

posted on October 6th 2010 at 1:13AM CST

Thank you so much!

Panduh
posted on October 5th 2010 at 11:30AM CST

I don’t have a very close relationship with my sister because of some things that happened within the past few years. And sometimes I do get sad and wish that things were different and that I had a better relationship with my sister, like we did when we were growing up. But I realize that it wouldn’t ever really work out the way I want because we are too different. Polar Opposites. It sucks, but that’s life.

Looks like you have some positives going on in your life, so try and stay focused on those things and don’t let the negatives bring you down so much. <3

posted on October 6th 2010 at 1:15AM CST

Thank you! We’ve never really gotten along, even growing up it was rare and our parents treated us SO differently so that probably didn’t help either. I’ve just accepted that I can’t keep holding out for a “maybe” or “what if…” situation with her.

liz
posted on October 5th 2010 at 2:46PM CST

I’m glad things are looking up for you, Sarah! And I think you are right; sometimes it really is for the best to cut ties if it’s an unhealthy situation for you.

posted on October 6th 2010 at 1:16AM CST

Thank you so much! It really sucks that she chose to do this right before our birthday… I already have such issues with the day in general and this is not helping heh.

Andree
posted on October 5th 2010 at 3:52PM CST

Hello there Sarah!

Sorry to read about the situation with your sister — but at least it has come to a clear space — you can both move on. As the saying goes “you choose your friends and not your family” — yes, we are taught to think that because we are siblings from the same family, we are supposed to be close/friends and all the rest — but, really it’s not so easy. Think about all the petty little competitions and jealousies etc that run between siblings? With friends you choose: they don’t exist! That’s just an example. The regret will fade with time.

No need to waste time/emotion on dead wood. We are each given only ONE chance to live this life – no dress rehearsals — make yourself happy and those around you whom you love will be happy too.

(I hope this all doesn’t sound too harsh!)

My intentions and wishes are good…..

hugs,

Andree

posted on October 6th 2010 at 1:23AM CST

Not too harsh at all, you are completely right!!

Caity
posted on October 6th 2010 at 10:51PM CST

I’m so glad that you have been feeling much better. :D Congratulations on the weight loss and I hope the positives keep coming!

posted on October 7th 2010 at 3:53PM CST

Thank you! I still struggle with food, especially the past couple of days, but I just start over and keep trying!

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