Remember when I posted about how I’m sad? Things have improved a bit.
I make an effort every day to clean, do laundry, take the boys out (even if it’s just to Starbucks for a Pumpkin Spice Latte), and being productive really does help.
However it’s so difficult not to slide back into that depression.
My twin sister, last night, told me I was no longer welcome in her life. Because I am not “supportive” of her attempts to force her ex-fiance back into a relationship with her. I know my past influences how I feel about her situation. She very much reminds me of how Matt tried to force a relationship with me and look how that turned out! This is two weeks before our birthday. I can’t remember the last birthday we celebrated together actually.
I talked it over with my best friend and with Keith last night and discovered this may be for the best for ME. This is my “easy out” so to speak. I no longer will be told that because of my weight I am a failure at life. To have snide remarks made about the way I parent or about my children. I won’t have to explain to my children that no, she STILL doesn’t want to come over or spend time with us. I won’t be used as a manipulative weapon against our parents.
I am still mourning the IDEA of what our relationship should have been like however, this isn’t anything new. Most people who know me are aware that we’ve rarely if ever gotten along. Just two completely different people personality wise. I accept this change.
I have a lot of positives going on right now. I’ve lost a total of twenty pounds since July. Slow going and I have my moments where I binge on food but I am accountable for it and I don’t let it get out of control.
My kids have an amazing “aunt” in our friend. They have a fantastic father. I will be married, most likely before the end of November.
I promise I will try to blog more often, but like most bloggers, I fall into the trap of “what to write about” as I really don’t do much daily and I am more of the quiet type when it comes to controversial posts heh.