I decided for some odd reason to read every single entry in my archives. I realized that doing so, wasn’t the best idea and I shall explain why!

#1 You Used to be Stupid

Well… maybe not stupid. You simply thought animated gifs, chunky cgi scripts, layouts done purely with tables, and having a domain name made you fucking awesome. You were SUPERIOR to everyone because they had a website on geocities or angelfire. Not you… oh no. You were a bad ass with a purchased name that probably cost $20 and hosting that cost $40 a month. Hells yes.

#2 You Were Miserable

Oh yes, full of emo woe and catastrophes! Never posted the good in your life, just how the falling rain made you {insert emo lyrics here}. If you couldn’t find something to bitch about, you turned your crankiness to unsuspecting people online and would call them out with random comments like, “Yeah, you know Lisa? SHE HATES KITTENS, RAINBOWS, GOODNESS, and EVERYTHING NICE IN THE WORLD!!”, and then hope she would retaliate so you could have more woetastic entries. You start posting song lyrics as entries.

You also hated your own website and threatened to close it every 2 weeks, always with a dramatic ultimatum, “Just so you know, because I didn’t get 30 comments in the past 5 minutes filled with praise and wishlist items, I shall close this site 4-EVER! Do not expect me back! I will fade from this universe like those actors from Perfect Strangers!”, and then 30 minutes later write an apology blaming too much caffeine and pizza.

#3 You Were Happy

Going to the park, kittens, and rainbows all deserved entire entries filled with flowery language about the joys from that day, “Rainbow oh rainbow, how bright and shiny you are, with my kitten snickerdoodle prancing beneath you like a fierce lion!”. You will love your website, plastering it with web cliques, fanlistings, webrings, a billion affiliates, covering your photos with large watermarks, taking pride that your tabletastic layout made it to #2 on the Glittery Fantastico Topsites. It will practically become your crowning glory. You will post every single time you figured out a script, your camera, dvd player, that you can change extensions from .htm to .html and have the same coding work! Hallelujah!

#4 You Shared Too Much

Posting your sexual exploits in great squishy (eww) detail, ranting about your workplace with names and addresses, used little to no punctuation unless it was exclamation points, are all examples of what not to share with the world. Especially if it’s a sexual exploit at your workplace that you describe using a ton of exclamation points. You posted about your friends and family without regard to them finding the entry in a week, year, or 10 years. Yay for internet caching to find all those posts you thought you deleted. You shared every injury, cut, scrape, infection, and more. Seriously. Don’t do that anymore.

#5 Just Don’t Do It

Lastly, it will cause you to write entries just like this and cause many people emotional suffering because they are now going to read their archives.

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Simon
posted on December 27th 2006 at 7:16PM CST

I learnt that lesson a long time ago :)

james r.
posted on December 28th 2006 at 4:18AM CST

Oh man do I hear you. I only read my archives when I can’t find someone to poke me in the eye with a stick. The resulting pain and blindness are about the same.  Hope you’re recovering nicely from your little venture into the past.

Steph
posted on December 28th 2006 at 8:23AM CST

I started blogging Summer 2002 when my grandmother was dying so yes, loads of emo crap there.  It’s all part of the lifecycle of a weblogger I think.  None of my archives (in there entirety anyway) can be found now.  I’m one for purging the past..lol

posted on December 28th 2006 at 11:47AM CST

I think that’s why I end up nomadic and “losing” my entries.  I knnow what an emo weirdo I am, and frankly, I can’t stand reading some of my entries from over the years.  I think it’s good to do tidying every once in a while.  It keeps you from looking too much like an e-Bag lady ;)

posted on December 29th 2006 at 5:53AM CST

Hahaha, when I have nothing to do, I read my archives even at my LJ. And as usual, I get to think different things, mostly the stuff you wrote over there. :|

Oh well, it’s nothing bad, it’s always good to reminisce (sp?) despite the fact that they’re happy/sad/crappy or just plain ‘teenybopperish’

Jay
posted on January 2nd 2007 at 8:20PM CST

I’ve never really read back to my archives. I kind of don’t want to anyway. But it does have to be interesting to read your archives. Best of luck talk to you later bye.

Penny
posted on July 14th 2010 at 7:12AM CST

I don’t read my archives, I tend to just delete my whole blog without telling people… lol. But this new blog I plan to stick with it, so that I can someday say “I’ve been blogging here for ten years” and my kids will have something to read, then they can read my archives and be totally embarassed by who their mother was.

Samantha
posted on November 21st 2011 at 12:22PM CST

I feel ya… man, I can’t even read entries I posted a month ago! It makes me want to take my whole blog down, haha!

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