I sit here at 2am working on the week’s menu plan.
I’m struggling lately. I feel like I’m failing everyone.
I asked my husband, “how much do you love me?” and he responded with, “so much that it hurts”.
I like to read my old posts and I wish I could send a letter back in time, that it wouldn’t be THAT BAD forever. That the fists, the words, the fear, would be a distant memory.
Am I doing enough? I know this sounds ridiculous but I don’t know how to be a SAHM to just ONE little one. What should I be doing all day while my oldest is back in school?
I’m struggling still with my weight. I’ve eaten out more than I care to admit this week. Lou Malnati’s deep dish pizza. Take out Mexican food… lots of steak nachos.
I always seem to hover around this weight. This size. I suppose in some ways I have a fear of getting healthier and thinner. Go figure right. Going to change things up with just different recipes and a sort of workout schedule. A mix of my treadmill and Bob (I love me some Bob).
I spent most of Saturday baking up a storm. Something about mixing muffin batter and forming scones is like therapy for me. I learned to cook from my maternal grandmother. I made Pumpkin Scones, Pumpkin Muffins, Pumpkin Snickerdoodles, Blueberry Brown Sugar Brown Butter Muffins, and Banana Muffins. I’ll try and post the recipes on Food@OSN soon.
I like baking muffins because they freeze wonderfully and can be warmed up in a minute in the microwave for a quick healthy breakfast for the kids or my husband. Reduces the morning rush a bit. It doesn’t hurt either when my oldest tells me, “this is the best muffin EVER, make these AGAIN!” even though he says it about EVERY muffin.
Plus it makes me feel accomplished.
So my oldest son, Daniel, is back in public school after three years of homeschooling / unschooling. We roll into our second week now and so far it’s been much better than I anticipated. Aside from him losing his lunch box for a day (they found it thankfully, after I bought him a new one, go figure), school has been smooth sailing. He really likes his teacher and the school environment as a whole. He wakes up in the morning, gets dressed, warms up a muffin, and either plays outside or watches a show before I drive him to school. He’s excited to tell me about his day when I pick him up.
A WORLD of difference compared how it USED to be. We’re noticing he is more social now, after school I take the boys to the park and he will just ask the other kids to play or if he can join in playing basketball when BEFORE, he would shy away. It’s only been a week! He takes it much more seriously too, tells us he works hard on being focused. I couldn’t be more proud.
His teacher is freaking awesome for keeping in contact and emailing me back (even when my questions are insane) and that puts ME into a positive place when it comes to school. Danny really likes her too which is even MORE awesome!
I’m getting a kick out of Tristan these days. He has the best sense of humor and is down right THRILLED each and every time he asks for milkies and I say yes. I’ll have to get a video of his reaction one of these days. He is still a Daddy’s Boy though, hardcore style. Big brother is an acceptable substitute. I’m there to provide diaper changes and milkies. Occasionally muffins and other food items. His favorite being vanilla greek yogurt. I go through a huge tub of it a week for JUST HIM!
So fill me in on what’s going on with you. Life crappy or is it treating you well? Are you looking forward to Autumn as much as I am? Ignoring the fact I’ll be 30 years old in a bit over a month and Tristan will be 2 years old in about a month… Fill me in on your life!