when it spills from offline to online
How the hell do you handle your family reading your site? More and more not only is my family (more specifically my mother and twin sister) “stalking” me online aka creating accounts at twitter/flickr/facebook/myspace/etc and tracking me or publicly complaining about me on those sites, stalking OSN etc, calling me or withholding information from me if I don’t write a “nice” entry about them (my sister just recently did not tell me Danny’s father emailed her asking for MY home address to mail Daniel clothing, I only found out because he txt’d me to confirm my address except… it was her address… yep she tried to take my 7yr old’s clothes and hide them not to mention it’s the first contact from his father since I picked him up in March).
I know I am rambling I’m just upset. I have my mother creating all sorts of fraudulent ebay accounts (even just created one with my sisters personal information, my sisters response? “but… I told her no…. oh well” and using MY life as a dramatic way to not get into trouble. Apparently my son and I are hospitalized for near death experiences, I have had multiple miscarriages or stillbirths, etc. I found this out simply by googling her name, there are message boards threads about her.
Sorry for rambling, I just don’t know of anyone else really who is punished by “IRL” folk for their online presence, it’s why I get scared of really writing anything. If I even tweet that I cried (I’m 6months pregnant, I cry at EVERYTHING) my mother is convinced my boyfriend is physically beating me. Where she gets this impression? I have no idea. I am aware my sister has created a lot of fictional stories to tell my parents about me. They all feed into each other.
Anyway, any advice would be great at this point!
ETA In the small time this entry has been up, my sister has txt’d and emailed me numerous times full of cussing and put downs because I dare not share the information with her. My mother in the past day and a half has created 10 usernames (which I have declined), sent numerous emails, left voicemails, on how she simply deserves and MUST read my private entries. I don’t get it. I really don’t.
This post is over a year old which means the content may be outdated or no longer accurate.
Omg… That’s all SO ridiculous! It’s one thing if they want to see your entries, but all of the lies??? I have NO idea how to deal with that. I’ve been very lucky that my family doesn’t stalk my sites. Or, if they do, they don’t go talking or asking about it.
I REALLY don’t get them. Clearly they won’t believe you if you say you’re fine because of the way they feed off of each other… If they weren’t lying about you then I’d say you could just be transparent, but clearly that’s not a good idea. I think what you’re doing is fine and hopefully they’ll eventually realize you just need some privacy. Good luck. *hugs*
That’s crazy. Honestly I keep a private blog and a public blog just for these reasons. The public one I share with family, the private one I only share with people I’m closest with. Might be a good alternative for you as well. You could even put it on your domain as a subdomain (that’s what I recently did with tawodi).
What gets me the most is that I’m not cryptic with them. I am very specific on WHY I do not associate with them, why I do not want them around my son (and unborn son), hell just today my brother came by, no warning, smelling of marijuana wanting to take my 7yr old out “scrapping” and could NOT understand why I said no, and why I wasn’t “nice” in saying no.
Just today ALONE, my mother has left 1 voicemail, 2 emails, and 1 user registration that I declined. I have my sister’s EMPLOYEES contacting me via AIM/Facebook asking why I am “punishing” her by not letting her take my son to Michigan for a week the month I am due with his brother and why I don’t give her specific details on Danny’s schooling, health, etc.
It’s to the point where I am either going to create the private blog or just eliminate my fear and write what I want, when I want. Undecided lol.
I suppose at the end of the day I could understand if I really shared very personal details of their lives but I don’t, only how they affect me and my children by their behaviors.
Meh. You would think after having OSN for what… 8 yrs at this point, I would be more comfortable.
Yeah, I understand though. Despite NOT having problems with my family I still hide my personal site. No one knows about holdonloosely and I say I have a private LJ where I make personal posts… I even use code names. It’s always an option and I definitely feel more “free,” but there is always the chance someone will find it.
Clearly they’re concerned about you, which is good in ways, but maybe they just can’t accept their own flaws as good reasons to stay away from you and your family. Denial?
You know… I just had something similar happen to me. Except with my in-laws. My family could give a crap about me and what I write online. But for some odd reason my in-laws really have a thing for me. Way back when they first found mi-amor.net and saw that I was venting about my BIL, they actually told my BIL about it. Of course my BIL had a fit. There was a big blowout and I eventually stopped blogging there. The most recent incident resulted in us being kicked out by the in-laws, they took away the shitty car they had given us, and pretty much left us screwed. Why? Because I chose to vent on MY Facebook. I probably should have unfriended them first, but to be fair they requested me and it is MY space. I had every right. They still read my website and try to check up on me online. I try to censor myself a bit, but for the most part I am going to speak my mind. Screw them. However I know that my private posts drive them nuts which is why I make the titles extra juicy. Lol. Eh what’s wrong with having a little fun?
I say you have every right to make a private or non private entry about whatever and whoever you want. Let them do their thing and you do yours. If they continue to question your private entries just explain that it’s your right and you are entitled to a little privacy. They should respect that.
“I suppose at the end of the day I could understand if I really shared very personal details of their lives but I don’t, only how they affect me and my children by their behaviors.”
Exactly! That was my big issue as well. Heck, I’m just venting. I never disclosed any personal information. Heck, I never even mention my BIL and MIL by name. They’re Bil and Mil. I am very good at respecting people’s privacy. But I don’t like to censor myself while I’m on venting mode. It helps me. You know?
@Sarasnee, it’s not concern, I wish it was. For an example my sister asked when my son was off for summer, I asked why (this is via txt) and she went off how she will contact his father for the info (who still hasn’t contacted his son since I picked him up in March but apparently emails with my sister) and how I am “ghetto” and she will “punish” me. Turns out her punishment is “take back” the infant car seat she promised us (her daughter just got a brand new booster so the infant seat is a year old). Ok fine, we will buy a new one but still. Punish a fetus?
@Lisa Marie, OH exactly!!!! I don’t go into detail about their personal lives, relationships, financial matters, etc. I wish they did the same for me but eh. It really is amazing how crazy they get when a private entry is put up. Already today I got yet ANOTHER voicemail from my mother about it. I also don’t use names, just their relationship to ME. As it is, instead of asking me how the baby is, or how Daniel is, they are spending SO MUCH time and energy over my private weblog entry! Priorities much?
hun to use a phrase, it sounds like they are buying books just to burn them – a futile exercise really.
Your mother and sister are acting horrible… ugh. No offense, but I think they deserve one another. It’s a shame they’re trying to drag you into their mess. :(
@Simon, it’s just frustrating heh.
@Jenn, hell this is just ONE smidgen of what it’s like with them. My mother (once I told her I was Pagan) suddenly is a “witch” who “baptized” me as a witch in a coven… ummm. *blinks* That’s not even to touch upon the physical/verbal/possibly sexualized abuse.
Since posting this entry I’ve not spoken to either of them, my sister has taken to posting more not so nice things about me on her facebook, punishing our mutual friends (blocking them from online things, not talking to them suddenly, etc.
My mother has continued to leave voicemails which range from anger to threats to “I’m the only mother you’re going to ever have”.
Yet, not once have they asked about my son or the baby.