Feeling Overwhelmed

I’ve been having nothing but problems since I became pregnant. If it’s not the hyperemesis then it’s being on bedrest for the past two weeks due to Subchorionic Hematoma. Oh and I’ve been suffering from a wicked cold for the past week. It’s really frustrating because I feel very alone during all of this. Very few people actually I think only… one person from work even asked how I was doing and I’ve been gone for the better part of the month. Just being on bedrest alone is a struggle especially since the weather has gotten very spring like and instead of playing with my son or taking photographs I have to lay in bed all day every day. I’ve actually taken to just shooting photos at my window frame.

Speaking of my son, some of you may recall this entry. Well late February his father called me and told me he simply didn’t want to deal with our son anymore. So Keith and I drove up there (I was barely 10wks pregnant at this point) to pick my son up. My son’s hair hadn’t been cut in months, or his nails. He told us that he only drank pop (I only allow pop at restaurants or one glass with dinner), that “God” was a bad word (just as bad as fuck apparently), that his father never took him to a park, played with him rarely, his main meals were hotdogs, burgers, and mac n cheese. Not even to mention all the other information I found out. I was horrified.His father has not tried contacting his son, not even once. Daniel has stated many times that he wants nothing further to do with his father. No surprise there. So even while on bedrest I took Danny for a physical due to the fact that while in his fathers care he was sick all the time and even had his first ear infection. His health is generally good but the doctor was horrified by what Daniel stated his living conditions were. I also plan on scheduling a dentist appointment soon due to all the pop drinking.

Since he’s been home he goes to the park almost every day, other days he plays with the 9yr old boy across the street. He is doing good in school and his reading (thanks to my sister) has improved. He is overly thrilled when we buy him fresh fruit which kills me. He only lived with his father for five months and came back to me grateful for healthy food. It’s insane really. He got beyond excited when we had taco night and I think tonight he wants Chinese food, stuff he hasn’t had in almost half a year apparently. I could rant about this forever heh.

Anyway, I am going to try to make more of an effort to be around. It just gets super difficult because I am getting so depressed with all of the negative stuff going on. Meh. I had high hopes that I wouldn’t go through another stressful pregnancy and yet here I am. Need to find some positives I just don’t know how.

If It’s Not One Thing….

I really think my body is angry with me for some odd reason. I’ve had a cold for going on three weeks now and it’s going into overdrive lately. I can hardly talk and my voice is hard to hear with a nice gritty tone that makes it super painful to vocalize for the most part. My next OB appointment is on Monday, with everything going on I can’t help but worry that there’s going to be a new problem with this pregnancy. It just isn’t smooth sailing in the slightest bit.

Ah there’s so much I want to say, I just either don’t know how to express myself or I worry too much about what other people think considering my entire family, people from work, old friends, etc visit here and I would feel either condemned or suited to gossip.

Frustrating.