I’d Rather Be Hated…
I internalize so much. Out of fear.
Fear of repercussion. Fear that I’ll be alone. Fear of what people would think of me.
It keeps me from blogging. I watch friends of mine get viciously attacked online and I’d never be able to handle the nasty comments, emails, facebook attacks.
It keeps me from being honest to MYSELF about relationships (with my family) I keep hoping will improve. I lie to myself and think if I can make them love me more, if I can be MORE of what THEY want me to be… it will get better. It never does.
I don’t post about my kids, especially my oldest, Daniel, because I see (via stats) that his biological father still reads my blog and I feel spiteful. Why should he get to know how his son (in a biological sense only!) is doing when he abused him and abandoned him?
So instead of letting my fear get in the way… I am going to try to live by that quote. Even though I know by taking that first step… it’s going to be scary.
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