Since the end of February of 2008, I’ve felt as if my beliefs, my faith in Paganism, has been missing. Perhaps the car accident at that time was a catalyst? I don’t know.
I just feel like something is missing. I don’t feel connected to the Goddess at ALL anymore. I’ve been Pagan for over fourteen years now so this is very odd for me. The first few months I thought maybe it was due to stress, work, being a single parent (at the time). However it’s been just about two years and it hasn’t improved. I have zero interest in Paganism.
I suppose part of me feels abandoned. My faith was shaken. I went through so much in the past two years emotionally and physically and felt no strength, no love, even when I did ritual after ritual, hoping I would feel connected again. I kept thinking if I tried to “talk” to the Goddess more, invest myself even MORE into my beliefs that perhaps my mindset, my heart, would change. That it would be as it used to be.
Yet nothing helped. Nothing changed. My life completely crumbled.
I thought, what if another religion or spiritual belief speaks to me? Yet I have so many preconceived notions that I wouldn’t know where to start.
Part of me as well is tired of being solitary. Yet when I reached out to other local Pagans I just get annoyed. Either they have NO grasp of reality or especially if they are parents, it’s hard to find someone who shares in my attachment parenting ideals.
I want to be a part of a community, have my sons be a part of a community. I want to feel strong in my faith, my spirituality, my religion.
I need help. I need guidance.