April 24th 2004 / 3 minutes to read

I am awake when I shouldn’t be, I mini napped when I came home from seeing Man on Fire with my sister, very good movie by the way.

I’ve been so depressed lately and sitting here, listening to Matt snore lol, and the wee chublet sleep… I have to ask myself why. Why am I all depressed? I can’t find any specific reason. Is it just me? I can’t find any logical reason for my depression right now.

I’ve been working like mad crazy on PaganOSN. I’ve also put some more things up on Ebay.

My thoughts are all disjointed today.

Monday, my sister and I have a whole day planned out, car place for her brakes, post office to mail out books that I sold on Ebay, among other things, also a trip to one of our fav stores. Maybe more if time permits heh.

Oh, while seeing the previews before the movie, I saw one for Troy, all I could think… well first I thought damnnn, then I thought about Crys because of a layout she had a while back featuring the movie lol.

Right now I am listening to a bunch of “Nature Sounds” type of mp3s. Caw caw!

The sun is rising right now, why is my sleep so messed up? I feel like if I sleep at night, that I am wasting my time… why is this?

I still find it neat that my sister, her new boyfriend who happens to have a blog here lol… at least he doesn’t post about their kinky times like my sister does!! He is Wiccan, and he and I were both excited to talk about Pagany things, I am still jealous as he has a nifty store to go to but what-ev lol.

Geez is my mind all over the place right now! I was going to say “tonight” but it isn’t night now is it heh.

It drives Matt nuts sometimes, but I ask him “Am I smart?” even though I know the answer but because I want him to tell me I am smart. I want to feel intelligent sometimes. All of this ::sweeps arm around:: webdesign, coding, scripting, does understanding and doing it make me smart? I look at people who can take a piece of wood and whittle it away into something just… amazing… my uncle was able to do that. What defines “Smart” anyhow?

Well I supposed I shall go and attempt sleep.

This post is over a year old which means the content may be outdated or no longer accurate.


Likes I doubled-down on RSS by Eric Bailey.

View All Notes





Album Art for Faint

Linkin Park


Album Art for Given Up

Linkin Park

Given Up

Album Art for Don't Stay

Linkin Park

Don't Stay

Album Art for You've got the Love

Candi Staton

You've got the Love


Hope you sleep well…and I really like your layout! :)

Reply to Val

We’re all smart, hun.  If we were all smart at the same things, we’d have no reason to communicate and learn from one another! 

Sorry your sleep is so messed up.

Honestly, I suspect your depression comes from not getting out.  For a long time you worked and maintained a home and a child, your energy is high to do this.  To go from that to being home is very depressing and stressful. I know all about that every time I am on lay-off for a long period of time.

It takes some adjusting.  I’ve found for me, that I have to work to feel smart and happy. It isn’t my life but it is a need I have to be something other than everything to everyone else.  This way I have a “me” part.

I hope you feel better soon!  Summers coming maybe as you get out and do alot of things with friends you’ll feel better!

Reply to Barb

Oh yes, it was a nummy layout…..*drool*

And yes you’re smart.  People are smart in different ways.  If the person whittling wood was to look at your scripting and coding, what do you think they would feel?  Probably the same as when you saw them whittling their wood.

Besides, it’s not to say that you couldn’t learn any skill you wanted to.  The great thing about the internet these days, is you have access to everything.

Reply to Crys
Angel Whispers

I would love to be as puter smart as you!  We are all smart in different ways, as was said above 2x. We all become content for different reasons as well.  I agree with Barb, you are probably going through an adjustment period.  Any life change can bring on depression and you have gone through your share of life changes lately.  You’ll find your bearings again soon.  Be patient with yourself and the changes.

Reply to Angel Whispers

Like everyone else said, people are smart in different ways.
Hope you feel better soon, and you get some sleep!  I know what it’s like to have those strange bouts of nonsensical depression.

Reply to Melissa

Leave a Comment

Thank you for your comment!
Please Read the Comment Policy.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

To respond via your own website, enter the URL of your response which should contain a link to this post's permalink URL.
Your response will then appear on this post.