The Last Two Weeks
Feel free to catch up on my nightmare hellscape with the posts, in order, below:
Where are we today?
The Bank Situation
After not getting a callback on the 23rd, I left a voicemail. I didn’t hear from her on Monday the 26th, so I again left a voicemail. Tuesday, the 27th, I managed to get her on the phone.
I asked if she had contacted my father’s facility, as she said she would on the 22nd. She proceeded to get loud again and tell me she never said that, that all she did was give that information to legal, and she knew they wouldn’t bother calling. I asked for her email and again resent all of my documentation, the Financial Power of Attorney, Health Power of Attorney, and a document from hospice explaining his diagnosis on their letterhead that I was told I had to have. She said she would forward it to legal. She then told me that I couldn’t rush this process, that they could take as long as they need to, and I said… even if that means my father dies before this is handled? Apparently, yes.
All because she had some issue with me, a person she had never interacted with before June 14th, and she felt that my documentation was fraudulent because she “knew” my brother, Daniel, in person, who was on my father’s bank account and then locked it down from changes.
I called the 800 number again and spoke to Beverly (who I spoke to two weeks ago), who told me I couldn’t contact legal as they do not deal with customers. I lost it slightly and demanded to speak to a supervisor, saying I was not leaving my number again, as I had done many times with Beverly.
I then spoke to a superior who was absolutely fantastic and horrified at how I’d been treated. She will contact her higher-ups to make sure the bank manager didn’t lie about my paperwork with the legal department and said she would call me back Friday, no matter what, to update me on the situation.
Misc Financial
I canceled his supplemental medical insurance he should never have had. That was reasonably simple after faxing my documentation. So far, I managed two of the three credit cards my brother was using. I’ve dealt with Social Security and changed how that payment is made, as it was incorrect for six years. I dealt with the funeral home and gave them my paperwork, so they will only deal with me going forward. My father had prepaid for his cremation, urn, and multiple death certificates.
Small wins.
The Cell Phone #screenshots
On June 15th, I got a text from the facility that my father’s cell phone was no longer working. I contacted his provider, paid, and got a new phone shipped to him. I went to the facility on the 21st to deal with the phone, visit my father, handle paperwork, and talk to administration members. I took the old and new phones home to set up everything.
Remember how my brother leaped for my father’s phone, loudly claiming he had screenshots that I was coaching my father to remove him as Power of Attorney as he had done nothing wrong?
I was sort of excited to see what he had screenshotted because it would make me laugh, and we all know I need a break from this trauma. Sadly, there was not one single screenshot to be found! However, I did notice my brother had deleted texts from my sister and both of my sons. This explains why my father would ask why no one was responding to him. Well, they were, but my brother was making sure to isolate our father and cause a false narrative. I also noticed that my brother deleted all his texts before May 8th. Remember, May 7th is when all hell broke loose.
Oh, right, I actually have screenshots of that day when my brother sent a group text that included me and him, my twin sister, and my brother-in-law. Read left to right.
Again, the facility would not tell him which hospital he was being sent to. It was agreed upon with the facility and myself that until he was admitted, not to let my brother know to avoid a physical conflict. I still remember how I felt when these texts happened, as when Dad was in the hospital for nine days, from April 23rd – May 2nd, to have two invasive procedures done. I had called my brother repeatedly and asked him to visit. He didn’t. Not once. Yet out of nowhere for antibiotic therapy, now he’s freaking out? Ugh.
Notice in the May 13th texts how my brother pretended to be shocked that I was no longer Health Power of Attorney when he was with Dad physically on May 11th, where he manipulated and lied to our father to make him panic and change the Health Power of Attorney. Then on May 12th, when social services called him about the change back to him for Health Power of Attorney, the nurse called him to discuss health matters and asked to bring back the laptop, and that was the conversation when he approved the usage of morphine as Health Power of Attorney. But somehow, he had no idea any of this happened. Please. If you’re going to lie, at least be good at it.
I’m still surprised at how someone can behave like this and see no problem with it—zero guilt.
Hospice
We switched hospice companies from ProMedica to Gentiva. I wish we went with Gentiva from the start because they are amazing! Their level of support and compassion blows me away. ProMedica only spoke to me twice because my father required it before signing the paperwork with them.
The first time with ProMedica was only because my father demanded they talk to me while he signed. Their second call was with Grant from ProMedica, who was not very pleasant and refused to let my father sign the new paperwork when my dad returned from the hospital from the bladder situation because he felt my sick and entirely deaf father, with all of my dad’s sarcasm and dark humor, was altered.
Gentiva, on the other hand, I’ve had multiple phone calls from different members of the staff. They actually want to help me! I get weekly and bi-weekly calls to see how I’m holding up and to see where I need help with my father. They are all so kind. They even understand our dark humor and got a kick out of it, and yes, I showed one of them a photo of Murder Baby Joy.
Hitting Brick Walls
I’ve spoken to the Ombudsman, turns out her job is to mediate between the patient and the nursing home, not the family; her recommendation was to find a lawyer.
I spoke to the hospice social worker again, told to get a lawyer.
The non-emergency police line told me to get a lawyer.
Every single person I’ve had to explain the situation I am dealing with, to ask how to handle a high-conflict individual who stole our father’s belongings, who my father said to tell everyone and anyone, “Tell them he has drugs and guns!” the response is always to get a lawyer.
I can’t afford a lawyer due to my legal roommate’s financial decisions without getting into more credit card debt. I do not qualify for a reduced rate or pro-bono work (not for lack of me trying to explain that my “household allowance” doesn’t even cover the household basics). It hasn’t stopped me from making endless phone calls and emails to every lawyer I can find to determine if other options are available to me. I did find one office that will take my assessment paperwork and see if we can work together.
Contacted Xfinity/Comcast again. I was told to send in the paperwork a third time. I don’t know what the issue is.
Everything Else
All the while panicking every time my phone rings that this will be the call to inform me that my father is no longer with us. The phone call will solidify both of my parents dying in the same year, within months of each other. When I haven’t had a safe space, much less the time, to process or grieve my mother, much less will be allowed to grieve my father. I’m told he’s rarely eating and is sleeping more and more. Those are bad signs.
I am isolated in all ways. Emotionally, mentally, and physically.
As much as I can have a phone call here or there with my sister or a friend, venting and complaining about all of this doesn’t help me. I don’t want to be a burden, even though I firmly believe I am being a burden to everyone, and no one in their right mind can handle the volume of contact I would need to process a single thing. I get very circular about it all because I am not processing it.
I’m still the one making, as of this post, 93.6 hours of phone calls in the last 29 days, not including travel, faxes, texts, DMs, and emails. I’m still the one making the hard decisions. I’m the one that has to retrieve endless possessions illegally held by my brother. It all falls on me. While dealing with a toxic marriage, a falling apart house (due to the legal roommate), the garden, being a mother, being a cat mother, my own health problems, and migraines due to the high heat and storms.
IT’S A LOT.
I am not ok.
