I Don’t Comment Because I’m Scared
After I wrote about my feelings towards blogging and social media, I realized I wasn’t alone! Not only did other people feel the same but we also shared something else. The fear of commenting on other blogs.
For me, I feel like I’m going to say the wrong thing, babble, or have the comment be ignored. That my comment will be taken the wrong way or sometimes, I feel as though the blogger will not care if I comment or not.
So how do I try to combat this? I comment MORE OFTEN!
I also realized that once I became friends with other bloggers, we mutually stopped commenting on each others blogs. Generally because we’d discuss the post over the phone, instant message, or all the other social bits online. That’s another thing I try to work on, making sure to comment on their posts, even if we discuss it at a later time because generally, comments are important.
People have a public blog to get feedback. From something as small as what to make for dinner or as large as a major life change. We all crave that knowledge that we are being HEARD. That what we are saying and doing, matters somehow.
When I wrote my post, Disappearing Socially (online anyway), and discussed how strongly I felt about numbers, really what I want is that connection.
I’ve been blogging for over 10 years now, 9 1/2 of those years here at OSN, before that at a shared domain, SpunkySprite.com (not sure if ANYONE remebers that one!). I started because I wanted to get feedback on what I wrote. To know I’m not talking to the void. That I’m helping. That I’m of use to someone. I’m sure all of that stems from issues in my past. The easiest way for me to see that in action is by stats. My twitter followers, FB fans, RSS subscribers, visitors a day, etc. I can then quantify by that number. The larger the number, the more helpful I feel I am, the more USEFUL I am.
Deep I know.
So I ask you this, why DON’T you comment on other blogs?
This post is over a year old which means the content may be outdated or no longer accurate.
Timely post. I rarely comment for a few reasons. The first being that I read via Google reader, so it is an extra step, ya know that HUGE step of clicking through. I know, lame. The second being similar to yours…. that I always feel insignificant. Convinced that other bloggers have loads of readers and will wonder who the heck I am. Three, specific to you? Because I wonder if you’ll remember me from LLL. :) So, Hi. It’s me, Kelly Ann. :)
I use Feedly (pulls from gReader) and I also struggle with the click-through.
I’ve never been to a LLL Meeting but I did apply for a job once at their Schaumburg location lol.
I feel the same way, frequently! Especially if I feel compelled to comment on a well-known/big blogger’s post. I’m actually very confident (in real life) and outspoken, but it’s … intimidating. That, and knowing me, I’d post something ridiculous that would come back to bite me in the ass later. That whole posting-with-passion thing gets me into trouble.
Another thought? I do a lot of my commenting via FB, and I know I’m not the only one.
OH yes, the A list bloggers, I rarely if ever comment on those massive blog because it doesn’t APPEAR as though they respond and I do take that personally heh.
I don’t think I have ever received a blog comment where I thought “well that was dumb.” In fact, some of the more random, sharing-my-story types of comments have led to some of my favorite discussions.
Plus, as a blogger I know that comments are a good thing. Feedback is a good thing. I’m making an effort these days to really reciprocate when I can because I know it means something.
I don’t know, see? Rambly, but whatever. I’m trying.
I’ve never quite thought “well that’s stupid” but over the years I’ve wondered if people even READ the post or what “AWESOME BLOG!” has to do with anything lol.
I try to comment as often as I can. This is sacrilege but I genuinely believe that RSS readers kill commenting. I do a lot of reading on my phone through a reader and it is nearly impossible to flip over and leave a comment in a timely manner… so I don’t.
I just think about how happy comments make me. Why would I want my friends, or even a stranger, to feel that way?
wouldn’t. why wouldn’t. i’m not all, screw you friends, i’m happy and you’re not!
LOL!!!! I do agree with you, as much as RSS has made READING blogs easier, it’s made us forget that it’s not a magazine and people post hoping for some sort of feedback.
It’s something that takes conscious effort!
This! I read to check up on everyone and then go about my day. Or if I do click through to comment, someone has already said what I would have posted anyway.
That’s funny, I don’t comment on a lot of the blogs I follow but I absolutely do read them. I think I don’t comment because I feel like I’m still the socially awkward teenager who doesn’t quite know what to say. Which is silly really, I should comment more.
I suffer from that too which is funny because online, we can really think out our response, take time with it, make sure there are no spelling errors, etc lol.
I remember SpunkySprite… Hell, I remember your Angelfire website! But, you probably recall my GeoCities site, so we’re even. ;)
I don’t comment on every single entry because usually, I don’t feel compelled to say anything. I’m quiet by nature, and typically don’t talk much unless it’s worth saying.
LOL!!!!!!! I totally remember ALL your sites actually!
I don’t comment because often what I’m about to say has already been stated in a previous comment.
I also don’t comment on big blogs with hundreds of followers because I feel like “what’s the point, that person already has over 100 comments and probably wont read mine.”
I STOP commenting when a person whose blog I have commented on doesn’t reply to my comments. If I’m not being acknowledged I don’t bother because I assume that the blogger isn’t interested in what I have to say.
For these reasons I make sure to read every comment on my blogs and because I get so FEW comments I am able to reply to them all.
I WISH I had the time to respond to all my comments :(
I agree with you on the being acknowledged part, usually after 4-5 comments, if I don’t get a SINGLE… anything… I’ll just stop.
I don’t comment because I’m intimidated by the… well, I’m not really even sure what I’m intimidated by! The blog, the blogger, I suppose. I’m afraid that someone will take offense to my comment, or that nobody will care what I have to say. And like Samantha said, often what I have to say is already said by somebody else, so I feel stupid when my original lengthy comment is shortened to, “I agree with so-and-so…”
I already mentioned I’m self-conscious about my age, too. I have some online friends who are around my age (I’m turning fifteen in a few weeks), give or take a couple years. But the blogs I read are generally by women in their twenties or thirties. It’s pretty much been drummed into my mind that teenagers are considered to be a bunch of stupid, immature, hormone-crazed individuals that are rebellious, etc., and that’s all from blog posts, comments on blogs/even the news, conversations from adults around me… it makes a girl a mite insecure. So I’m afraid that people will consider me a bit of a joke if I try to make a serious comment.
I can understand that, however, that’s sort of the great thing about commenting and such, YOU can reveal as much, or as little, about yourself as you want! So really no one could guess your age based on what you say or your grammar!
So true. You reveal what you want. BUT sometimes those who’ve got 20 years on you need to hear your perspective/questions, too. It keeps us well rounded and helps us remember earlier times in our lives.
And for a comment on the post: sometimes I don’t comment because it’s already been said. But if I find a comment thread that I want to add to, I will.
Sometimes I don’t comment because I don’t know what to say. Other times I don’t comment because I read the majority of blog entries in my feed reader, so while I have feedback building up in my head, I generally just click to the next unread post. (Note to self: stop doing that!)
Ah sort of what The Grumbles was saying about RSS killing comments!
Shit, where to start…
a) time – I’m only on here now because I’m procrastinating / avoid writing my report (seriously, I have a full time job, a toddler, am studying, doing up my house, managing about 8 different websites .. it’s a wonder I’ve not had a stroke or something)
b) lack of anything insightful to say / not wanting to add just “i agree”
c) knowing that I can’t follow it up, mostly because of a) .. that is, if the person continues a conversation I’ll probably end up abandoning it
d) pressure to perform; what if I say the wrong thing? forget an important fact from the past? forget this blogger’s name? forget their circumstances? I need blogging viagra or something.
LOL blogging viagra, that’s awesome.
I tend to do a lot of online stuff while nursing, multi-tasking at its best!
I sometimes don’t comment out of sheer laziness. Or I feel other commenters have already said what I wanted to say.
But…I LOVE comments on my blog. From newbies, regulars and friends/family. So I do my best to comment as much as I can.
Sort of like, the more you comment, the more you get comments!
I don’t comment for a couple reasons. One is that I’m usually busy wrangling my children and don’t feel like I have the time to compose what I want to say into one well written, semi-succinct comment. Another is that I read posts in google reader and it takes a little extra effort to click over. Soemtimes I neglect my reader and have 100+ unread posts. At that point I tend to just flip through them super fast and not read many of them.
It seems like a lot of people are skipping comments if they read the post via RSS! I’m guilt of that too.
Sometimes I do if I have something that will move the conversation along. I also tend to comment if no one else has because I don’t want anyone to feel that they are screaming into a void. (Such a good little empath, eh?)
I really (REALLY) despise ones that feel (to me) like the person making the comment is either tongue bathing the writer or that they are just there leaving their links.
I’ve never had a fear of commenting at all – I’m much more outgoing and expressive online – for me, that’s my “safe place”.
OHHH the overly sappy borderline stalker comments? Those freak me out lol, thankfully, I don’t seem to get them!
I read a lot of blogs in my downtime at work and sometimes the comments are blocked for some reason. So are ads and twitter/facebook related widgets, but when I’m at home I try to comment… but if I don’t, it’s because the person posts 8 times in a day, or I have nothing to say.
Do you notice it more on self-hosted blogs or hosted blogs (like blogger)?
I guess I’m an exception. I am a comment-ho. I have 4 things that keep me from commenting:
1. I’m on my cellphone and the blog uses some anti-cellphone-friendly commentware like disqus. No judgment if that’s someone’s preferred method for handling comments/spam. You just won’t get a comment from me. No biggee.
2. I’ve been commenting so often and the blogger doesn’t know me, I don’t want to come off as if I’m stalking their blog (which I am, but they don’t need to know ;)
3. The post and/or previous comments were so intellectually superior that all I can add is “dur”
4. The post is uninteresting, takes too long to load or is written in such a way as to inhibit rather than invite conversation…
I know that I’m probably making a million typos, have ambiguous speech, and probably only adding “dur” without realizing it. But, if the blogger is anything like me, “dur” is better than no “dur” or they’d be writing in a notebook.
And, yes, I’m stalking your blog ;p
OH I dislike off-site commenting systems. No good can come from those!
LOL Love to be stalked!
I don’t comment much lately because I am ALWAYS nursing, and it means I have max one hand free. I hate typing one-handed. (Witness this amazing comment, typed with two hands in a bizarrely rare moment when the baby’s not on my lap!!)
But I wish I commented more. I’d like to. I understand your point about not commenting as much on friends’ blogs, too — I do that as well, and it’s odd, isn’t it?
LOL see I actually get a LOT of online stuff done while nursing, I’ve mastered both the one handed typing AND the ability to lay the baby across my arms/belly so I have BOTH hands to type. It’s how I get through the first year lol.
I don’t comment as much as I used to because I am SO dang busy. Also, sometimes I may LOVE a post and share it instead of comment. Of course, sometimes I do both (like I’ll do with this one- hehe).
I love commenting on other blogs but other than time constraints, the only other time I don’t always comment is if that person has like 60 comments already. Afraid it gets lost in the shuffle and I tweet it, stumble it or share it somehow instead.
It’s because of Melissa’s repost that I’m here today.
You’re right, that sharing a post is just as valuable. I wish it was EASIER for people to SEE the shares though (hard to see who stumbled it or shared on facebook generally).
I can understand the time factor, not only going through your “regular” reads but then any NEW reads? It can take 2-3 hours if you’re super into blogs/blogging!
If I don’t comment I usually don’t have an opinion one way or another, or the topic really doesn’t interest me. For example, if you post a fish recipe, I will not be commenting on that because I think fish is super gross. No point. I also check out the blog and its commenters for name calling, racial slurs, and just plain meanness. If I don’t see that, I feel that this is a somewhat safe environment to post my comment or opinion no matter how controversial the topic. I did that once on a popular news site thinking I was going to take place in a great discussion and my daughter and I were called terrible names, received death threats and suggested horrible things happen to us. It scared me for a few days. I’ll never do that again.
OMG that is INSANE!!!!! I also don’t comment on blogs that allow cruelty, people go nuts over being moderated but really, if someone can’t behave, they have no place in leaving a comment on space we work hard on, pay for, etc.
Yes! Just like my house, no one comes into my house and mistreats my family or friends. Same thing with my blog. I value my readers. I see them as people with loved ones and feelings.
It’s hard for me to comment when I’m going through my reader on my phone. I’ve also noticed that some of the Blogger blogs have an extemely awkward commenting system, and if I’m redirected only to enter a captcha, I usually just give up. I have to really want to comment to go through all of those steps!
AHH yes, Blogger’s evil commenting system. I also have a HARD time commenting on Blogspot/Blogger blogs because either the author doesn’t permit name/url (I don’t want to sign in with a ton of accounts to just leave a comment) or I’m stuck in a CAPTCHA loop.
I hope to slowly, one day, move everyone to their own self-hosted space lol.
I’m the opposite. I’m a lot more social online. I comment on whatever post strikes me enough to do, whether A-list or D-list, whether or not I think it’ll get some kind of reaction. I hope it does, of course, because no one wants to spend time doing anything for nothing. But I feel it the person the comment is actually for doesn’t notice, then maybe someone else reading it will.
That’s a great way of looking at it! When put that way, it’s not only the blogger themselves who write for feedback / support / whatever it may be, but the person leaving the comment needs to be acknowledged in some way, shape, or form as well.
I do a bulk of my blog reading on my reader app on my phone which has definitely affected the amount of comments I leave negatively. I need to work on that. I know how much I love the interaction on my blog (when I get it) so I need to be sure to pay it forward!
I also do a lot of my reading via my iPhone and iPad, especially in the morning when I just want a quick peek to see who blogged lol.
I sometimes comment on other blogs though I’m scared that my comment would be considered nonsense, or would be misinterpreted. I don’t comment if it’s a very popular post with over 100 responses. It always felt like everybody had said it all. I have a habit sometimes of not reading other comments, coz it sometimes would make me feel inferior so I go straight down to the comment box. ;)
OHHH I’m guilty of skipping comments too, it depends on the post really, if it’s over 40 comments I generally ALWAYS skip down or if I’m lacking in time I’ll skip then too.
First, this is my first visit here (momcomm posted it on Facebook) and wow, your comment form is so cool I may comment every day just to be able to fill this out. (How do you make it like this?!)
Anyway, generally I don’t comment if I genuinely don’t have anything to say (not all posts resonate with me) but that’s fairly rare for the blogs I read.
Otherwise I sometimes don’t comment if it’s not a blogger I know well and there are already 423,454 comments.
The other reason, like someone mentioned above, is because I don’t want someone to think I’m stalking them ;)
I’m one of the people without a reader problem. I use RSS but it’s on my computer and I’ll read the post and then click through. Only exception is when people only share part of the post through the reader, forcing you to go to their site. I understand why, but I tend not to read then for some reason, ergo no comment.
OHHH sweet of her!
Thank you so much! What I do is apply the images via the CSS. I’ll try and remember to do a tutorial on it soon.
Ohhh partial feeds drive me crazy, I always ALWAYS unsub from a partial feed.
I’m scared to comment sometimes too! But I think commenting on other blogs is really important, so I try to force myself to do at least a few each day. It seems to be easier to comment on posts that really resonate with you though… like this one! :)
Thank you so much! I’m also trying to make the effort to comment on a few blogs every day.
It is a very interesting insight on why people don’t comment on blogs. Generally I think any blogger will appreciate a comment unless it is something like “nice post”, which is left in a hurry. I try to end my posts with a sentence like “share your thoughts in the comment section”,”any questions ? use the comment box” to encourage more comments
I feel insignificant, and feel the blogger would not need my advice or 2 cents with so many other comments ahead of mine. I also feel things sound better in my head rather than out loud or typed. I am not a talkative person and have a hard time communicating with peole. I lack social skills…..
I find that I’m the same. I do try to comment as much as possible, because it’s what I want other people to do for me. However, I find that I write more comments than I actually submit, because I get scared that I’m being stupid, or that it wont even matter to the blogger, etc. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who gets scared of commenting. Its always nice to find out that I’m not alone with something.
Despite only reading some blogs in passing (perhaps never to return – there’s just too much out there to see and do!) I will comment if I feel I have something useful to contribute. Sometimes I refrain if the post is majorly serious and/or very personal and I know nothing of the writer other than just that post. I rarely leave an URL because a) I don’t update anything much these days, and b) I don’t want anyone thinking I only commented for return traffic. I have occasionally been accused of trolling, which vexes me.