Selfish and Cold

October 30th 2006 / 2 minutes to read

Hmm… at least by using song titles for blog titles I never have to worry about “running out” or using “blah” for titles like I used to!

This daylight savings time sucks. It’s dark within 20 minutes after I get home from work. I don’t like that one bit. I need light!

Yesterday I took Daniel up to Gurnee where my sister works for their Halloween trick or treating. Daniel went to about 5 stores and stopped. So we went back to my sister’s work where he changed out of his costume into his jeans (and kept the cape lol) and he took it upon himself to hand out candy, say trick or treat, give EXTRA candy to the power rangers, and was overall the cutest helper ever! Full of momma pride.

I am so overwhelmed today. Piles of laundry I haven’t put into the closet. Designs I haven’t finished. Work stuff I want to do. Plus my son’s father called and spoke to him while I was at work so that worries me a bit. I can’t seem to get a handle on anything today. Part of it is probably the DST change and just still reeling from this weekend. It doesn’t help that the more cluttered my mind is, the more cluttered my surroundings get, which stresses me out even more. Vicious cycle. The problem is I think way too much, then I shut down because I take on so much and can’t complete it all in a reasonable time frame. If I could, I most likely would sleep and day dream all day long. I have an over active imagination. Sometimes it just really gets to me, being a single poor mother. If you had told me at 16 this is where my life was headed I would have laughed my ass off. I don’t regret having my son when I did but I wish I had him in better circumstances. I didn’t predict that I would be raising him on my own, with little education, an absent father, not enough money to have anything at the end of the month. It sucks. I’m now 25 years old and where am I headed in life? I keep asking myself that.

Where am I headed? Who am I? Who will I be? Will things ever change for the better?

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{{hugs}}. Just because.

Reply to nikki

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