The Present Post

Now, aside from the fact my son’s father completely and 100% ignored his son for Christmas and I mean completely. No acknowledgment in any shape, way, or form. Are we all surprised? Not really. I don’t expect much out of a deadbeat abusive individual that uses his disabled mother’s social security money to live on. Regardless, I think we (my sister, myself, my sisters fiance, and my mother) made this a great Christmas for my son.

I got him an iPod Nano Video since he uses my regular video iPod constantly for his PBS videocasts and such. Since it was SUCH a large gift it was all I was able to give him and he loves it so much already! My sister did the bounty however, power ranger toys, t-shirts, a huge Crayola craft set and her fiance got him a Spiderman lunch bag which he still keeps giggling over. My mother sent him a billion books which should be arriving this week or so, yay for mail service.

My sister not only got me SUPER sparkley lotion but also got me sparkley hair mist too. Now, as most people know, I am obsessed with all things shimmery, glittery, etc. So I was thrilled to say the least, then I get the uber gift. That’s right, a membership to the Chicago Botanic Garden!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!! The most perfect gift in existance? YES! She also got me some magazine subscriptions since I love my magazines hehe.

My sister also got her fiance the perfect gift, to explain a little, a few months ago her brand new car suddenly lost everything relating to the electrical circuitry, well after taking it to the dealership, found out SQUIRRELS had ate their way through her wiring. So the squirrel rage began. Evil little wire eating things.

She also made an amazing ham dinner, SO freaking good, and then we had a little snack.

All in all, I am so amazed and touched by all the generosity lately. I don’t think I can really even explain how much it means to me especially lately with everything.

Especially to Maree whose gesture brought me to tears. Sometimes it feels like every day is such a battle, such a struggle with everything going on financially and emotionally, and just when I think I am not even being heard, someone holds out a hand for me to grab on to.

Emotions

Yet again we are sick, I am so congested that I can’t sleep and breathing is no longer an option. My immune system seems to be utterly shot.

I am so very angry lately. Angry because my ex, my son’s father, seems to have forgotten that he even has a son. Hasn’t acknowledged his son for Christmas at all, doesn’t seem to plan on it either. I’m not surprised though, you really can’t go from pathetic to… pathetic. I would rather be a single mother than be disgusted every day.

Angry that 6 years of friendship was over in a flash simply because I chose not to be in a specific WoW guild. That’s right, 6 years of friendship over a game guild. Yep.

Angry that I only have $30 to last the next 8 days and my gas tank is almost on empty. We have no groceries, and forget about Christmas cards or presents, considering I only have $3.75 a day to live on until I get paid again. The joy of stuff being processed without my knowledge.

I’m not even normally an angry person so I really do not like how this all feels.

Anyway, lastly here’s a photo from when I took the wee one sledding yesterday, it was pretty late considering the sun sets around 4pm right now.

Good Times

My son and I hung out at a friend’s house this weekend (originally we were going to my sister’s but she had called while I was driving in the evil snow storm and we didn’t end up going over) and had a really nice time. Here are some photos. I wish I had done better but I always feel awkward since I am still more so with landscape/nature photography than you know… actual people.

Danny had a lot of fun as he got to play with my friend’s niece, it was very cute.

The lovely hostess.

This really is her eye, isn’t it pretty?

My drink of the evening. (Literally, I only drank half of this over 3 hours)

Lastly, I can’t help it… it was sparkley.

Onto other things, I really appreciate the emails/comments/text messages I’ve been getting lately. I sometimes forget that there are friends out there that care about me. I am really going to make more of an effort to stay in contact, even if I have to text you every single day on my lunch break! Speaking of, if I for some reason don’t have your cell number, just email it to me and I will do likewise.

Lights

Yep, changed the design a bit.

All We Are

I am having one hell of a shitty week. Found out who my real support system was. Realized I put way too much energy into life draining situations. It’s taking a toll on me.

Question Existing

Firstly, some HUGE news…. my twin sister is PREGNANT! She is just about 10 weeks along now. I am so beyond excited. I am probably the most excited out of anyone! We had an ultrasound already because she was unsure about her dates and to see that tiny little heart going…. just stops me. The “morning” sickness has just started to kick in and her next appointment is on Dec 12^th where we are getting another ultrasound I am so excited to see how big the baby has gotten in just 4 weeks! AHH a BABY!!! Her due date is June 23, 2008.

Otherwise, I am struggling. Work is going really well but then I come home and when all is quiet and dark I just… start to crumble and I have no clue why. I am feeling SO alone lately. I feel like I don’t have the ability to CONNECT with anyone anymore. I haven’t spoken to long time friends in months. I can’t seem to get back on track. It’s not that I’m exactly sad per say because I’m not really, I’m just… stuck.

Anyway, here are a couple self portraits from last night.

Sigh

I don’t even know what to say lately. I just renewed OSN but I’m still at a loss for words.

I can’t seem to climb out of this depression.

Huge Photo Post

I’m still not feeling very well, so here are some recent photos.

Breathing is Over Rated

I currently have an extreme case of the flu. My doctor told me today that aside from the chest x-rays being clear, I basically have the flu with all pneumonia symptoms. I’m in agony. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so sick. I’ve actually lost most of my voice. Anyway, to just post something while I’m attempting to actually sit up for the first time in 12 hours, here’s some recent photos from last week.

What is the cost?

I would like to hear your interpretation of this photo’s message.

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