Someday We’ll Know

I was thrilled to receive the books I had ordered when I got home from work this afternoon! Thanks to a gift card I was able to order the following:

• Beyond Portraiture: Creative People Photography
• The Digital Photography Book
• Digital Portrait Photography and Lighting: Take Memorable Shots Every Time

My week didn’t get off to a good start. My DSL modem burned out (this time not by lightning!) and after calling the company to find out it was no longer under warranty, had to go to best buy, shell out a lot of money I didn’t have to get a new one. Also my car insurance payment is coming up and I’m trying to find a new company. A co-worker suggested his Chicago based company which gave me a quote about $40 cheaper than everywhere else. However a lot of people suggested I go with a larger corporation. What auto insurance company do you use?

Lately I’ve been pulling a daily tarot card, just to reflect on the upcoming (or ending) day. Without fail each and every card is reversed. I will even “cheat” and MAKE SURE the deck can’t even give me a reversed card and yet… so anyway the card for today is the Power (Emperor) card. Basically reversed it means a loss of personal power. I surely can related to that lately. I just wish I knew how to change it. How does a person take back their personal power?

Highly Emotional

Ever have a day where it’s raining, it’s cold, it’s grey, and all you want to do is cry? That’s the kind of day I’m having.

I’ve been trying to hunt down a new car insurance company so I can attempt to save some money each month. That is proving to be much more of a struggle than I anticipated. I then had an ever so delightful conversation with my ex about our son’s upcoming birthday and such. I ended up calling him a harpy and that he was emotionally traumatized. I came home, made myself some spicy chicken stir fry and watched the last episode of Charmed and got sobby.

Speaking of sobby, I am creating a cry playlist. Why? Because I want to emotionally torture myself every so often. Besides, I look all dramatic when I cry (well visine cry whatever). What songs make you physically cry and why?

I need a hug. Oh and a vanilla latte! I think I shall go read my beloved photography books for a bit.

ETA
Thank you Thomas for giving me the link to the Free Hugs video! It put a smile on my face!

Step Up

Yesterday was my son’s fifth birthday. Thanks to a suggestion from my Heather, I took him bowling for the first time. He had a blast! We went with my sister and her fiance and it was fun for all of us. My sister surprisingly rocked it with strike after strike. My elbow is seriously hurting today so that’s a bit of a downfall.

His father didn’t send a gift, card, e-card, or phone call. I’m not surprised. He is a bad person. Pathetic person. Worthless person. I can’t deal with it anymore and I refuse to put my son through it anymore. His father does not deserve to even be in my son’s presence. My son who is amazing, intelligent, technologically inclined (I taught him how to switch from the PS2 to the DVD player for his power ranger goodness, and how to open Firefox and browse to his power ranger website!), and a joy to be around. His father is missing all of that because he would rather well… a lot of you know what he does I don’t need to repeat it yet again.

I have to regain control of my life somehow.

Anyway, I am already so very excited about the upcoming season of American Idol. I wonder if anyone can come close to topping my last season’s obsession (which hasn’t stopped!) of Daughtry. I adore Daughtry.

I was so thrilled to see the iPhone was unveiled today! I could never afford one but they look fantastic.

My plans for the rest of the evening is to watch PhotoshopTV and Diggnation on the podlet and attempt to relax. I’m worried about the rain that’s coming tomorrow and Friday because I’m out of my Excedrin. I suppose if it comes down to it I will stop by my sister’s tomorrow to get a couple doses. I normally get a migraine each and every time it rains. Not looking forward to it.

I am so grateful to everyone’s suggestions for the “Cry” playlist. To jump off of that, what are your favorite songs you play for sheer volume and beat?

Save Me

The photo is an older one, taken over the summer. I haven’t really been shooting much lately. It’s been snowing lightly all day, just enough to make the roads and traffic scary but not enough for the pretty factor.

I removed a bunch of members who haven’t been logged in since October and such. Feel free to re-register.

I am going through a lot lately. Just emotional stuff. I’ve come to a lot of realizations in the past week. I would go into more detail but apparently my son’s father makes it a point to stalk OSN. I will try and do a private entry later this week. Sometimes I feel like a butterfly trying to break out of my cocoon which is harder than I thought. I just can’t seem to let go of anything. Hell, I even have emails dating back to early 1999.

What are some songs that make you feel motivated? It doesn’t even have to be the lyrics or even the music itself, but something about the song makes you smile and feel like you CAN handle everything that is being thrown your way.

The snow is coming down faster now. Swirling and twirling about. Covering everything. Erasing the grime, making everything go away just for a little bit.

All I can think right now is a lyric in a song, “please don’t erase me”.

Into The Sun

The photo is of my son shoveling snow. It’s not snowing too hard, we had some sleet action and flurries that acculturated to about an inch or so.

I’m having the worst time writing lately so I asked my son for a bit of help. “Dan, what should I write about?” He put his hands on his hips, gazed off into the distance, then said oh so dramatically, “You should write about ME!”. I told him I did mention him shoveling the snow… he nodded, it was good enough for him.

If you haven’t already, go to OneLotus over at Flickr! Join and participate and I will love you in naughty ways!

I am trying to get back on track with Weight Watchers. I haven’t gained any weight but I haven’t lost any either. Tonight for dinner I made pizza using Flatout Bread which is only 2 points per bread piece thingy! I topped it with a fresh tomato sauce (I had 3 roma tomatoes that needed to be used up), shredded chicken breast, mushrooms, artichoke hearts, fresh basil, and shredded mozzarella.

Preheat oven to 350. Pop one of the flatbreads onto a cookie sheet and place in the oven for 6 – 7 minutes.

• 1 Flatout original bread
• 1/2 cup tomatoes blended up with whatever seasonings you want especially garlic
• 1/2 cup mushrooms, sliced
• 1/3 cup shredded chicken breast
• fresh basil leaves
• 1/4 cup finely shredded part skim mozzarella cheese

After you pull out the slightly baked flatbread, top with the sauce, chicken, basil, and cheese. Bake for another 10 – 15 minutes at 350 until the cheese is golden and bubbly! This pizza is awesome because it’s so filling and crisp. Cut into at least 4 wedges. Each pizza is 5 points!

I was thinking, since I have no idea what visitors I have. If it wouldn’t be a good idea to discuss WW more? Post more WW recipes? Although really they are not WW specific but I would list the point value so it’s a bit easier… thoughts?

I’m also looking for a new stability/fitness ball because the one I had seems to have a large gash in it. Weird since I bought it 2 months ago and never used it, but alas it’s trash. So brand/cost suggestions?

Lastly, what is your favorite music to work out to?

Imbolc, Pizza Recipe, and Happy Songs

The photo is of one of the cat’s sleeping on my bed.

Imbolc is next Friday (February 2^nd) and I want… no… I NEED to do something. It’s about renewal and I feel like I need to renew MYSELF. Purge the anger and bitterness. Let go of things I can’t control. Accept situations that have happened in my life. Move on. Any suggestions?

Tonight, yes, it was flatout bread pizza again! Here’s the recipe and point value for all those Weight Watcher’s out there.

Preheat oven to 350 and bake the flatout bread for 7 minutes.

• 2 Light Flatout Bread Original
• 1/2 cup shredded cooked chicken breast
• 1/2 cup red onion
• 2 cloves garlic cloves, minced
• 1/4 cup cilantro
• 2 Tbsp Kraft Spicy Honey Barbecue Sauce
• 1/4 cup scallions
• 1/2 cup Kraft 2% Finely Shredded Sharp Cheddar Cheese
• 1/2 cup canned artichoke hearts, without oil
• 1 lime

After 7 minutes, pull the flatout bread’s out of the oven. Cover each flatout bread with 1 tablespoon of the kraft bbq sauce and then add all the toppings, evenly divided, holding back the scallions and lime. Put back into the 350 degree oven for 10 – 15 minutes, until the cheese is all melted. Take out and squeeze a bit of lime and sprinkle some scallions on the top. Cut into at least 4 pieces. Yum yum! So for all of that, it’s 9 WW points.

I worked out to the Biggest Loser 1 DVD for an hour and now sitting down to my tasty Edy’s Light Vanilla Bean ice cream. I made Danny some cinnamon sugar toast. Well I guess I am going to go through the podlet for a bit.

Lastly, what are your favorite songs that, when you listen to them, you can’t help but smile and feel happy? Oddly enough, being Pagan ‘n all, I really like Christian Pop music. As long as it isn’t overly specific about Jesus and such, the songs are really perky. I am also really loving the band Dropping Daylight right now. 

Wish I May

The photo was taken at the park, I really loved the golden pink light reflecting on the snow.

Firstly, a recipe for Black Bean and Veggie Tostadas

Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

• 1 small avocado, diced
• 4 small corn tortillas
• juice from 1 lime
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1/2 bell pepper, any color or various colors, sliced
• 1/4 red onion, sliced
• 1/4 sweet onion, sliced
• 1/2 cup canned black beans, rinsed
• 3 tablespoons crumbled feta cheese
• 1/2 cup store bought pico de gallo
• kosher salt and fresh cracked black pepper, to taste

Put the tortillas on a cookie sheet and place into the oven for 5 – 10 minutes, until lightly browned and crispy. In a small saucepan, lightly saute all veggies except for the avocado, feta cheese, and pico de gallo.  Pour into a bowl, add the avocado, feta, pico de gallo, taste for seasoning, add more salt and pepper if you need to. Lightly toss until everything is well mixed. Evenly divide the mixture into four even portions and top the warm crispy corn tortillas. Weight Watcher Points per tostada is 3. For all four tostadas it is 14 points. So yummy. So healthy. So filling. A nice meat free dinner!

Today has been a long day. Work was fine, I had a victory over lunch. I decided upon Wendy’s for lunch (small chili, side salad no dressing, plain baked potato) and my boss wanted a sandwich. She gave me cash for her sandwich and I was going to pay for my meal on my bank card. So I drive in the balmy cold (it was practically 35 degrees although windy), order our food, go to the drive up window to pay, and was VERY specific on what amount was to be placed on my card and what would be paid in cash. Suffice to say the woman (who is ALWAYS very rude, other people who have gone to this particular Wendy’s have told me so), screwed it up. I didn’t want to gyp my boss out of her change so I went into the Wendy’s and was very polite and explained the situation to the cashier. He got me the head manager who was super friendly and we discussed the complicated change situation. I even did the math on a napkin for him! Long story short, he didn’t even bother charging my card the extra $1.58, gave me the correct change back for my boss, AND a free medium (although in Wendy’s sizes it’s more like a large) Coke Zero! I was SO thrilled they provide Coke Zero now!

Then when I got home, I hurried and got Daniel ready to go and we went to the park to play for a bit, after freezing my hands into frozen chunks, we went to the bank and then the grocery store. I took a photo of the freshly misted corn because well… it’s pretty.

Daniel then wanted to take some photos, which naturally I am still full of glee about because he has some mad photo skill! Look at the photos he shot in the store! My five year old son ROCKS!

So after dinner and everything, I worked out for an hour and am currently freezing. I noticed after I lost the first 25lbs or so, that I am CONSTANTLY cold. It’s so irritating sometimes although come summer I’m sure I will appreciate it!

iTunes had an offer to download, for free, the premiere episode of The Dresden Files. I watched it tonight and thought it was very interesting! I am looking forward to future episodes. So download and check it out!

We also decided on a late night Blockbuster run, we rented Employee of the Month and The Chronicles of Narnia.

Lastly, what song would you use to define your life?

On My Way Here

The photo is of my Excedrin migraine medication. How I loathe and need thee.

After work today, my son, my sister, her fiance, and myself all went to Whole Foods and Meijer for grocery shopping. I bought some teeny fresh clams from Whole Foods. I ate them this afternoon, just steamed them open. I actually liked them! I shall have to get more next time I go to Whole Foods.  I bought all sorts of nummy goodness. I also bought a tiny thing of avocado rolls, eh. They were ok. I think the massive amount of pickled ginger in the container altered the flavor of the avocado for me. I just really want to like sushi-like food. For no logical reason. I have such issues.

I don’t know what it is this week, but I’ve been very not mentally all there. It just hasn’t been the best week… Jess noticed this and gave me the glory of Adagio Tea which I adore so much. I got a variety of white and green teas. I also got some lovely chamomile.  Just fabulous. I’ve been drinking 3 – 6 cups of tea at work the last couple of days.

Right now with the wind chill it’s –32. I’m sitting here with socks, pants, t shirt, sweater, and comforter wrapped around me. I am so sensitive to cold lately. Anyway, tomorrow is the super bowl of which our beloved Bears shall beat some ass. Everyone is so excited. I will actually watch the game this year. It’s practically sacrilegious to not be from the Chicago area and not be a Bears fan. I’m not too excited about the half-time show which is supposed to be Prince.

For dinner I made Chicken Italian Sausage Penne w/fresh herbs. Here’s the recipe!

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees. Cook your penne in salted boiling water until al dente and drain. This has 6 servings with Weight Watchers points of 5 per serving.

• 4 raw chicken italian sausage links, casings removed
• 6 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 large sweet onion, sliced
• 1 large can of drained diced tomatoes
• 2 cups fresh basil leaves
• 1 cup fresh flat leaf parsley
• 1/2 cup grated parmesan
• 1/2 cup finely shredded part skim mozzarella cheese
• salt and fresh black pepper to taste
• 3 cups cooked penne

Now you can also use olive oil but I use an olive oil cooking spray as to not add points to my dinner. Spray a skillet and place on high heat. Add your sliced onions and cook until soft and golden brown. Put the onions in a large bowl. While on high heat, cook your chicken italian sausages, crumble the meat with a wooden spoon until no longer pink. Add your onions back and the garlic. Cook about a minute or two for the garlic to get happy. Add your diced tomatoes, salt, and fresh black pepper. Cook about 5 minutes until everything is heated through. Stir in 1/4 cup of the parmesan cheese and add your basil and parsley. After everything is well combined, spray a baking dish, I think mine is 9x13, and dump the whole pot of goodness in. Sprinkle with the remaining parmesan and the mozzarella cheeses. Bake until the cheese is melted, about 10 minutes or so.

Really tasty, really filling. The sausages are just as tasty and moist as pork italian sausages.

A Very Unique Day

Friday, I paid off both credit cards, car payment, phone bill, vehicle sticker, and village of Mount Prospect vehicle sticker.

Yesterday started off like any other day, dragging myself out of bed, getting cleaned up and dressed, making sure Danny is clean and dressed… if only I had known how utterly unique my day was going to be…

We headed off to go get fitted for contact lenses, I made the large mistake of wearing glittery eye makeup. After a bit of struggle I managed to bitch smack the contacts into submission on my eyes, when the woman ophthalmologist tested my vision while wearing the contacts, I told her the right eye was very blurry and she responded with, “No, you’re ok to drive, it’s fine”. It wasn’t fine. I noticed that while yes, I could drive, I had a sense of blurry vision that bothered me. Later on I closed my left eye just to see out of my right, sure enough, utterly blurry. I was (still am) furious and called the office back, only to be told I would have to come in at 1pm Sunday (today) to see a different doctor in a different location. Not happy.

After getting the contacts fitted, we drove up to Gurnee so we could shop while we waited for my sister to get off of work (she’s an assistant manager up there). I bought Daniel a Power Ranger toy set which he adores, for myself I bought a shirt, jeans, and thin coat, then shampoo and conditioner at bath and body works, because you seriously can’t beat outlet retail prices. After she clocked out, we then bought me some new shoes for working out and some t-shirts for Daniel (Power Ranger of course).

We then headed back home (it’s a 45 min drive or so), we stopped at a gas station so she could fill her car up and to let me remove my contacts that were just being evil because of the right eye being incorrect. Once we made it home we hurried and went to the Rec Plex to renew our memberships. Later on when checking my bank account online, I saw he charged me for 3 accounts instead of 2. I went back this morning and spent 30 minutes going over it, with print outs of everything of course, and he said there is no way he ran it three times and to call tomorrow morning to talk to his manager. I am not happy about this either.

So after renewing at the Rec Plex, we went to Qdoba (yum yum!) for dinner. We then went to Best Buy to bring my sister’s fiance a burrito and I then purchased an iPod Nano and armband for working out because my regular video iPod does not do well because it’s a hard drive, with all the prancing around. I also purchased a pre-paid cell phone through Verizon, my sister and her fiance have their phones through that company so whenever we call each other’s cell phones, it’s totally free which is nice. I have no one to talk to though really, anyone have Verizon cell service? Call me… naughty things… *winks*

After eating our super tasty dinner, we treked over to the shoe store where I bought Daniel new shoes and a Power Ranger umbrella. He loves his umbrella. Then we pranced over to the glory that is Ikea. I ended up buying a new garlic press, silverware drawer thingy, hangers for Daniel’s clothes… and oh yeah… a new desk and bed frame! My sister also purchased a bed frame. Now mind you I have a pert Scion xA car. We dropped Daniel off at home with my father, and then my sister and I, in below 0 temperatures, tied all of the bed and desk stuff to the roof of my car, managed to drag my stuff into my apartment, and drag her stuff up three flights of stairs. It was seriously like a Biggest Loser challenge.

After we did all of this heavy lifting, running up and down flights of stairs, learning to hate twine, we then decided to go to Meijer to get a few groceries and such. On the way there, mine you, it’s past 11pm, barely anyone is on the road. We are in the left hand lane going west bound when a car that was going east bound, jumped the median and headed straight for us. My sister only had to say my name and I swung the wheel to the right automatically, just barely avoiding a head on collision. We were both shaking and just beyond thankful we did not have my son in the car with us.

We then got to the store, did our shopping, and came home. I got an intense migraine, took some meds, tried to sleep, woke up on and off all night from the pain. Finally got up at 8am, took more meds, got cleaned up and dressed, and went over to my sister’s apartment this morning. I had an english muffin to try and settle my stomach. 

I then dealt with the Rec Plex stuff that I wrote above, so I am pissy that I have to call and deal with it again tomorrow, I also have to leave in ehh about an hour and a half to go deal with the contact lens crap. I also have to do our grocery shopping and laundry. Fun.

Right now, although I still feel really sick to my stomach, most of the head pain is gone. Danny is still sleeping. I’m just sitting here, still reeling from yesterday.

I just noticed my flickr account will expire in 6 days. I don’t have the funds allotted for that. Which sucks. Oh well.

I think I’m going to read my new Martha Stewart Living and Glamour magazines for a bit.

ETA

After getting utterly lost, I finally got the contact lens situation taken care of. I haven’t bought a supply yet because I want to make sure that I even like wearing contacts, that these are the proper strength, and that I can take care of them easily.

Talked to the Rec Plex manager and basically their credit card processor shows the 3^rd swipe, that it wasn’t a complete transaction, and that the funds should be given back to me no later than the 14^th. This is after being told I was wrong by two people, that it had to have been an error on my bank’s part… only to find out

ETA Again

After finding out I was missing an entire box from Ikea for the desk, going back to Ikea, staying up until 1am, I finally got it put together, even though it’s still missing a tiny piece of white wood… rawr. I shall tackle the bed frame tonight perhaps.

Oh, and I am so not in love with the snow right now and the lack of snow plows and salt. The roads around here are fucking dangerous and I hate driving when the snow is trying to make my car kill me.

Sunday, the 11^th, would have been my 8 year anniversary with my ex (you know, the evil abusive ass who sadly is my son’s biological sperm donor?). God. I am so glad that is over and done with.

I think I am going to eat a kiwi.

How to Let it all go?

I don’t know how to release my fear, my anger, my sadness.

I don’t know how to come to terms with how I was treated during my pregnancy, my son’s birth, and the first few months of his life outside of my womb. I don’t know how to accept that my ex-fiance made the conscious choice to have sex with other females while engaged to me. I don’t know how to write freely anymore without repercussion from friends and family. I don’t know how to separate myself from online people that I have nothing in common with. I don’t know how I am going to handle my son starting kindergarten. I can’t figure out how I’ve made it this long being a single mother. I have no idea what will happen when the lease is up for renewal at the end of June. I don’t know where my creative spark went.

I can’t function much anymore. I’m sinking.

ETA

Thank you so much Ethel for the pro flickr account! I really appreciate it! It made me smile today, thank you!